j a c k *
I consider writing a note, or sending Lincoln a text, but decide it's not worth it. I wait until any movement in the house stops, and sneak down to the kitchen with my duffel bag, packing some snacks and water bottles. I make sure I have my journal, some pens, four pairs of sweatshirts and sweatpants, a couple of shirts, a few blankets--making sure to bring my favorite one, it's fuzzy and white and has multi-colored pawprints on it--, a sheet to lay down on the ground, my phone, a portable phone charger, my photo album with all my favorite pictures, and a couple of my favorite books; I fasten my neck pillow around the strap of the duffel bag. Now, you may be asking why I'm running away. I can answer that, I just feel... unimportant, and like no one wants me around anymore. By running away, no one ever has to deal with me anymore. I start the walk up to the cave Lincoln and I once found when we were hiking. No one will think to look there, and it's not like I'm going to stay there, it's just until I can figure out where I want to go and what I want to do.
I get to the cave around 1 AM, which isn't bad, considering I left my house at 11 PM. In just five or six hours, they will wake up and realize I'm gone... Will they call the police? Or will they even care? I shrug these thoughts off as I lay the sheet out on the ground, sitting down and pulling the duffel bag toward me. I eventually fall asleep, waking once the sun is out. I look at my phone to check the time and find out it's nearly nine o'clock in the morning. It's Thursday, and my parents have to work, my siblings and Lincoln have school... will they look for me? I open a granola bar and a bottle of water and eat, thinking...
I open the photo album, looking at the pictures of Lincoln and I from the age of three to about three months ago. I find myself holding back tears, but wonder why I'm holding them back. There's no one here to see me cry, so I eventually let them out. I put the album aside, back in the bag, and check my phone, surprised to see that I have service. I have multiple texts from Lincoln.
today, 7:49 AM- are you coming to school???
today, 8:18 AM- Kaylie just told me you weren't there this morning. Where are you???
today, 8:34 AM- are you okay??? Answer my texts!!
today, 9:31 AM- I'm worried about you. Are you okay? Where are you???
today, 10:05 AM- your siblings and I are leaving school
today, 11:19 AM- we just finished looking around the neighborhood for you
today, 11:21 AM- we're calling the police now
today, 11:32 AM- JACK! Answer me!!
today, 11:33 AM- where are you???
today, 11:56 AM- the police just got here
today, 12:02 PM- are you okay? are you in trouble?
today, 12:16 PM- please answer me!!
today, 12:23 PM- Jack??
Now- I love you.
I close out the messaging app without replying and feel grateful that I don't have my 'read receipts' on. I toss my phone in the bag and look around; it's then, that I realize I'm crying. I lean my head back against the stone; Did I make a mistake by running away, or are they just pretending to care so I'll come back? My phone buzzes with a voicemail; I didn't even hear it ring.
I lift the phone to my ear and listen.
"Hey, Jack, it's me," Lincoln's voice comes through the speaker shakily. He sounds like he's been crying. "I'm not sure what's wrong, or what happened, but we think you ran away. I hope you come back home. If you get this, please call me back, okay? I love you a lot, and I need you. Well, we're going to go with the police now and try to find you. Please call me, or at least text me back that you're okay, you don't have to tell me where you're at, just that you're okay... I love you, Jack. Bye,"
I lower the phone, looking at the missed calls log. Then, I pull up a picture of Lincoln, look at it, and then, I start to cry, burying my face in my hands.
I don't know what time it is when I think I hear footsteps and voices nearby. I draw my knees closer to my chest, looking around. Then, something blocks the light. I look up and see what looks to be a police officer. The figure fades and another reappears moments later. I look up as I get to my feet and find myself looking at Lincoln. Am I dreaming? I pinch myself. Nope.
"H-hey," I say nervously, my voice shaking from the tears that I had been crying.
Lincoln comes closer to me. "Don't," he says softly, as he looks at me, shaking his head and reaching a hand out to me as a tear slides down his cheek.
I'm confused, and I think I look confused because he comes closer and tips my chin up towards him and presses his lips against mine. I gasp silently, from shock. He pulls back and rests his head against mine.
"Why?" he asks softly, cupping my face and rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs.
"I don't matter to anyone," I say softly, allowing myself to tell the truth.
I practically see Lincoln's heart shatter by the look on his face. "Why do you think that?"
I shrug because I know that I'm going to start to cry if I say anything else, but it doesn't matter, because I start to cry anyway. Lincoln pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tightly.
"I love you," he says softly in my ear, his lips touching my skin. I only cry harder.
"Please, Jack," he says softly. "I love you,"
He pulls back from the hug and looks into my eyes, cupping my face in his hands once more.
He leans in, pressing his lips against mine once more. This time, I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around him and feeling like I'm clawing at his back. His shirt raises up in the back, I know this because I feel his skin against mine. I lean back against the wall, causing Lincoln to stumble forward. I wrap a leg around his waist and jump, wrapping the other one around his waist, too. His arms move from my face and wrap around my waist, steadying and holding me.
When Lincoln and I leave the cave with my stuff, I cling tight to him and refuse to say anything. When my parents try to question me, I shake my hand and cling tighter to Lincoln. They try to get him to leave, but I shake my head and cling tighter. He doesn't leave. He stays with me. In my bed. That night, he holds me in his arms tightly. Before I fall asleep, I pull his face to mine and kiss him. He kisses me back softly, and he doesn't ask any more questions because he knows that I won't answer them, and he knows I don't want to be asked questions; instead, he holds me tightly against him and kisses me softly, my lips, my neck, my cheek, my forehead...
"I love you," he whispers, pulling me closer to him and holding me tighter. I lay my head on his chest, letting him press his lips against my neck.
"I love you too," I whisper quietly, before kissing his lips once more, and then closing my eyes and welcoming sleep.
2/8/20
