j u d e *
When that final bell rings today, finally signaling the end of this horrific day, I don't even get my stuff from my locker, but throw my stuff in it and then run outside, behind the school, and lean up against the brick. I hear the footsteps, but I'm already crying. I hope it's not one of the boys, but it most likely is. The person stops in front of me, and I register his shoes: Shane Ferguson.
"Hey," he says softly. "I saw you run out...what's wrong?" he asks me.
I breathe in and out, heavily, but try to make it seem like nothing is wrong. I shake my head, looking up at him. "Nothing," I lie. "I'm fine,"
"I don't believe you," he says softly, stepping closer to me. He presses his fingers against my arms and lifts my chin to meet his eyes. "What's going on, hmm?"
After about a minute of me staring into his eyes, I reluctantly begin to tell him about the guys in his friend group that have been saying things about me, fully expecting him to push me back and punch me.
Instead, his gaze softens and he looks at me, refusing to let me look away. "I know this probably seems embarrassing to you," he whispers softly. "But thank you for trusting me enough to tell me... I'll talk to them..."
"No!" I say, not meaning for it to escape my lips. "They'll just make fun of me for saying anything. It'll be okay, I've made it this long--"
"Exactly. And even once is too many times, alright?" He looks into my eyes once more, still holding my chin as he never let it go, and starts to lean in.
"Wha-what are you doing?" I ask him, just wanting to give my emotions complete control and fall into his arms and cry.
"Doing something I've wanted to do for a long time---something I should've done a long time ago..." he says softly. He presses his lips against mine gently.
"Is this okay?" he asks me, pulling back momentarily.
I nod slowly, looking at him. He smiles softly and nods, kissing me again.
"Come on, we're going to go talk to them," Shane says softly after he pulls back.
"Why? It's bad enough you were talking to me if they find out--you'll be ruined." I say.
"What if I don't care?"
"Why would you want to ruin your reputation?"
"Because I like you, and they're jerks."
Somehow, Shane has managed to pull me back into the school.
Right when we walk in, there stands the group of boys who think it's the most fun thing ever to pick on me.
"Hey," Shane says forcefully.
"Hey bro!" One of them, the main one who picks on me, Taylor, says. "Where've you been?" Then his eyes land on me. "Why are you with this pipsqueak?"
I feel myself shrink back a little bit, and Shane notices too because he glances over at me.
"We were talking," Shane says.
"Why?" Nathaniel, another one of the 'guys' asks.
Shane grumbles in his direction, then discreetly, I hope, grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly.
"He and I talked," Shane starts, "And now you and I need to talk."
Shane gestures to an empty classroom and the group of guys start walking in.
"We'll be right back," Shane says sweetly, before shutting the door behind him.
A few minutes later, I hear Shane's voice raise above an inside voice.
"SO IF YOU MESS WITH HIM, HE WILL TELL ME AND I WILL KNOW ABOUT IT AND WE--I imagine he gestures around the room here--WILL HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM, GOT IT?" Shane's voice rings out.
A few moments later, the door opens, and Shane, smiling sweetly, gestures for me to come in. When I walk into the room, I have to fight the urge to laugh--all of the guys are sitting in desks and looking terrified for their lives while Shane smiles brightly and sweetly from the front of the room.
"Alright, Jude, these boys know that if they say anything to or mess with you, that you will tell me, I will know about it, and I will hunt them down. Right?" He says.
They all nod, still seeming scared.
"What did you do to them?" I ask Shane under my breath.
"Just put it down straight."
For some reason, I feel that the word 'straight' would be in italics if it could be.
"Wanna grab something to eat?" Shane asks me as we pack up our things and get ready to leave for real now.
"Sure, but I didn't drive today," I say.
"That's okay,"
We go out to Shane's car and drive to Cheddar's.
After eating, Shane drives me home.
"Hey," he says softly, grabbing my wrist lightly after I turn to get out of the car, but before I open the door.
I turn back around and look at him and he leans forward, pressing his lips to mine.
"Text me if you need anything, alright?" He says, leaning his head against mine.
I nod, and he kisses me again.
"Can I pick you up tomorrow morning?" he asks me.
I nod. "I'd like that," I whisper, leaning in and kissing him.
The next morning, Friday, at 7:00 AM, Shane's car pulls into my driveway. I tell my family bye, grab my stuff, and head out to his car. He smiles as I get in the car.
"Good morning, Jude," he says.
"Good morning, Shane," I reply, smiling back at him.
He backs out of the driveway and drives for a few minutes, before he pulls off the side of the road. I turn and look at him.
"What are you--?" Is all I get before he's unbuckled, leaning over the center console, cups my face and has his lips against mine.
We pull into the school parking lot, still on time, and get out, walking in together. People turn and stare as we walk in, already finding it weird that we're walking in/arriving together. Shane pulls his phone out of his pocket, opens his Instagram app, and then posts the selfie of us from this morning where I'm smiling and he's kissing my cheek. He doesn't post anything in the caption except for '@judecduncan', which is my username. I get the notification that he tagged me in a post and post the same picture, doing the same thing except my caption says '@shanelferguson'. Slowly, the cafeteria breaks into chatter as they all open their Instagrams to do their scrollings and see our posts.
By second period, I think everyone knows that Shane and I are seeing each other. Some people give us smiles, others give us dirty looks; some people say super sweet and nice things, others have said some nasty things (except for Taylor and his group, I think they're still scared--Nathaniel said something sort of nasty about us, and Taylor nearly jumped and Shane practically snarled at him), and others have said nothing at all. Nonetheless, Shane or I don't really pay attention to any of the talk and continue on with our classes and our day.
- - -
It's been six months, Shane and I are still together, officially, now, and I think Taylor and the guys are still scared because none of them have said a word. Most people are supportive, but there are a few people from school--however, they honestly don't really matter--who are rude/jerks to us. We don't pay attention to those people, but we were approached by an underclassman who said that he told his crush he liked him and they started dating because of us. Even though we're Seniors, I didn't think we had that much of an impact on the school, but I guess we do.
3/16/20
