g r i f f i n *
A bunch of my family and family friends are coming over today for a family cookout, and since August and I have been best friends since preschool, he's coming over too. I have three siblings, two of whom have children. My oldest sister (and sibling), Kylie, is 20. She just recently moved back home with her two and a half-year-old son, Jasper, after her baby-daddy left them. Kylie really didn't want to have to move back in because she had been on her own and independent, but Kylie and Jasper were living with him and had nowhere else to go. My brother, Cooper, is 18; his daughter Cambria is six-and a half months old. When Cambria's mother gave birth, she actually stuck around, which surprised us all--and then she left two weeks later. Cammy's mother was always one to push her responsibilities on others, and she really had no business trying to raise a baby in that mindset. Two weeks after giving birth, she got high, and she got drunk, got in a car accident and passed away. My youngest sister, Britton, is nine years old.
It's 1:00 PM when August shows up. Since he's going to be here most of the day anyway, he's just going to stay the night. We go upstairs to my bedroom so he can put his bag away and change into his swimming trunks. I've already put mine on, so I wait for him on my bed. He walks out of the bathroom and throws the clothes that he had on in his bag.
"Ready?" I ask him.
"Yep." he replies.
When we reach the first level of the house, I see Jasper and my dad playing with a toy train.
"Jasper's adorable," August says as soon as we get outside.
"Tell me about it, I wish I could be that adorable," I reply.
He doesn't reply; he freezes for a half a second and then starts walking again.
Over the next hour, guests start to arrive. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins start pouring in the backyard. It doesn't take too long for August and I to abandon the pool after my cousins start jumping in and out and splashing around. Soon, the backyard begins to smell like hotdogs, hamburgers, and all the cookout foods. After we eat, the adults are reminding and telling my cousins that they can't swim for a few minutes after eating or they'll get sick. Cooper puts Cammy in her bathing suit and floaties and floats around with her in the pool. Out of the corner of my eye, however, I see August sneak inside the house. I follow after him quickly.
"Hey! Where are you going?" I ask him as I catch up to him.
"Just going upstairs," he says quietly.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine,"
"Ok..."
I walk back outside and wait for him to come back out, but when he's not back in five minutes I go in the house looking for him. I find him in my bedroom upstairs. I walk in and close the door quietly behind me.
"Hey...what's wrong?" I ask him as soon as I've shut the door. He looks up at me.
"Nothing's wrong." He says.
"I've known you long enough to know when you're lying to me, what's going on?" I walk over and sit down beside him.
"So, you know earlier when we were talking about Jasper? And how adorable he is? Then you said you wish you were as adorable as him?"
"Yeah...is that what's bothering you? Why is that bothering you?"
"I...I don't know...I just...it is, it's bothering me a lot. I guess because I don't like to hear you speak badly about yourself,"
I turn to look at him, but then Kylie storms in.
"What is going on?" she asks.
"Nothing. Can you knock next time, like a normal human being?" I sass.
"Yeah, sure, whatever, fine. Mom just wanted to make sure everything was okay."
"So she sent you?"
"Yes, so is everything good?"
"Yes, everything's fine. Thank you."
She turns around and closes my bedroom door and I turn to August again.
"Is that really the only reason it's bothering you?" I ask him. "You're my best friend...I just want to make sure you're okay, and if there's something you're not telling me..."
"No, I'm not hiding anything. I'm just extra sensitive today, I guess," he says softly.
I look at him, knowing, almost immediately as I make eye contact with him, that he's not telling me the truth.
"August..." I say, a reprimanding tone in my voice. "Tell me the truth, I know you're lying to me. What is it that's wrong? I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything!"
"N-n-no," he stammers. "Th-that's just it. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you, so I can't tell you."
"Augs, that makes absolutely no sense. There is nothing that you could ever, ever tell me that will make me run away from you. This. Us."
I realize, as I say the words, that I've progressively gotten closer to him, my body almost rubbing against his. He looks away from me; I grab his chin, turning his face toward mine, making him look at me.
"So," I say. "What's going on?" I don't break the eye contact as I say it, nor after I've said it.
"I--" he begins, but I put a finger against his lips.
"I think," I say softly, almost in a whisper tone, lifting my eyes to meet his gaze after briefly looking away. "I think that I know what's going on..."
When he doesn't acknowledge this, I continue on.
"I think that you, and I, are feeling the same things. I think that right now, you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you."
His eyes go wide.
"When did you find out?" he asks, almost silently.
"I don't know exactly when, to be honest with you..." I say, looking at him. "But I've seen how you look at me, and I recognize it because I've looked at you the exact same way, many times. To be honest, I don't know how you haven't noticed, it seems pretty obvious to me...so, can I?"
"Can you what?" he asks, looking at me.
"Kiss you?" The whisper-tone has returned back to my voice.
He doesn't say anything, but instead, he nods, leaning in and allowing me to press my lips against his softly. He puts both of his hands on my upper arms, gripping tightly as he swings his leg over mine and climbs on my lap. Once he's settled himself on my lap, he moves his hands to my face, cupping both sides with his hands as my hands hover, or lightly touch, his lower back. He breaks the kiss to look into my eyes. I lean in once more, kissing him, harder this time, but still tenderly and passionately.
