s e t h *
Because I know how hard it was to find where this gif was from (I posted about it on Tumblr, but then just ended up doing a reverse image search on Google), I'm going to save you the time and the trouble and tell you it's from a short film called "Turn It Around" it was released in 2017 and it's by Niels Bourgonje.
One of my best friends, Kaylie, is dragging me to a stupid party tonight; a party I don't even want to go near because I know that Austin will be there. Austin was my best friend, now I'm not too sure, we got into a pretty bad fight. We'd been best friends since first grade, and all of a sudden, he just stops talking to me--out of nowhere. When I confront him about it, though, he tells me it's nothing, which I say is bull, he then proceeds to tell me that he thinks we just need some time apart as if we were breaking up or something, and I'm just trying to figure out what is going on and why he's doing this, so I snap at him, and he snaps back at me. And then he just turned around and left. Now, I could lie and say that I don't miss him--but I do. I miss him a lot.
"Come on! Let's go! We'll have fun! Don't worry about him!" Kaylie says that evening when she comes over to pick me up.
"Yeah, that's easy for you to say," I snap.
"Look, I know you miss him, but he's the one who walked away. He is the one who walked away instead of working things out."
I sigh. "I don't even know what I did!"
"Honey, you didn't do anything!"
"How do you know?! He never said anything, so I could've done something!"
"You...are ridiculous. Come on, get up, let's go," She grabs my arm and drags me out of the chair. "Maybe you'll meet a girl!"
I don't say anything but look at her.
"I don't want a girl," I say softly.
She stares at me. "What do you want? Food? Cause honestly, same."
"Well, I mean yeah, I always want food, but I don't want a girl. I will never want a girl."
"Did...did you just come out to me?"
I nod slowly and watch as her eyes brim with tears. She pulls me into a hug.
"I'm SO proud of you, Seth! This deserves to be celebrated, let's go to that party!"
I stare at her.
"Oh no!" She says. "You didn't--you don't--"
I nod.
"You like him?"
I nod again.
"Oh, sweetie..." she says, trailing off for a split second and then perks up. "Let's go! We'll make him jealous!"
"HOW?" I ask. "Do you plan to do that?"
"I have no clue."
So now, I've found myself dragged into this party, you know, the one I didn't want to come to anyway, and I'm incredibly nervous. I look around, looking to see if there's anyone else besides Kaylie here that I know. Then, I see him. We make eye contact briefly, and I quickly look away. I turn to Kaylie.
"I can't do this," I say, and turn around and walk out of the room--away from Austin.
I find an empty bathroom and lock myself in, pulling my phone out of my pocket to see the texts from Kaylie that I expected.
Kay🥰🤩🤪- pls come back
Kay🥰🤩🤪- we can go on the other side of the house if you want
Kay🥰🤩🤪- idc
me- I can't, Kay
me- I can't
me- I saw him and idk
me- man, idk
Kay🥰🤩🤪- then we can go back to your house
Kay🥰🤩🤪- if you feel that badly
me- okay... I'm sorry :(
Kay🥰🤩🤪- it's okay, Seth, it really is
Kay🥰🤩🤪- I shouldn't have forced you to come with me
I unlock the bathroom door, letting myself out, and walk down the hallway to find Kaylie. I find her almost exactly where I left her. She looks up as I walk in.
"Come on," she says. "But, before we go, I need to talk to someone. I told her I'd talk to her earlier. You can come with me." I follow Kaylie over to two of our fellow classmates, Nick and Lucy. I stand awkwardly beside Kaylie.
"We're getting ready to leave, but I just wanted to come over here because you said earlier you needed to tell me something," Kaylie tells Lucy.
"Can we go over here?" Lucy asks. "No offense to the guys, but it's just a personal, girl thing."
Kaylie nods and they go over into a corner. I look around the room, my hands in my pockets. I see, out of the corner of my eye, Austin looking at me--no, staring at me. I look away almost instantly, but when I look back up, he's walking toward me.
"What do you want?" I ask, sounding harsher than I meant to. "You made your point clear that you don't want to be friends with me anymore."
"No, Seth, I do," he says, hastily trying to talk as if I'm going to disappear at any given moment.
"Really? You have a funny way of showing it, then," I snap. "I wanted to try to talk through it, you were the one who walked out on me."
"I know, and I'm sorry, Seth, I really am! But I--"
Kaylie comes walking back toward us.
"I'm sorry, Austin, but I've gotta go now," I say, not meanly or rudely, just...simply.
"Ready?" Kaylie asks me.
"Yep," I say, eager to get away from the environment of the party. As we walk away, Kaylie puts her arm around me, squeezing me at the sight of my face. My emotions must read to my face because I feel as if I'm going to start crying.
"It's okay," she says softly as we walk away. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have left you alone..."
I don't say anything--not because I don't want to, but because I can't.
We've almost made it through the main room of the party when I feel fingers slip around my wrist. Both Kaylie and I turn around, finding ourselves face-to-face with Austin.
I sigh. "Look, I--" I begin, but I get cut off as he tugs me into him, touching his lips to mine. He pulls back mere seconds later, however.
"So, you think by kissing me, everything's all better?" I snap. "Look, Austin, what you did really hurt. I think I should go before I get hurt even more."
I squirm out of his arms and go back to Kaylie, who stepped back when Austin kissed me.
I'm currently enveloped in Kaylie's arms, sobbing loudly and hard. I'm lucky both of my siblings and my parents are out tonight because this is a whole mess--a literal crap-show.
"Ssh, it's okay," she's whispering, holding me tight and rocking gently. Then, the doorbell rings.
I pull out of her grasp.
"Could you--?" I ask her, gesturing to myself.
"Yeah, yeah, of course," she says, getting off my bed and going downstairs to answer the door.
I hear her open the front door, and then I hear her voice, low, talking to someone else's. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs to my bedroom, and look up, expecting to see Kaylie, but instead, I see Austin. I scoot back on the bed as he crawls toward me.
"Hey look at me," he whispers, tilting my chin to look at him. "I hate myself for what I did to you, I'm so sorry, and I know I don't deserve it--for you to give me a second chance, but please..."
Again, I don't say anything. I look at him, meeting his gaze after a few seconds.
He leans in and presses his lips to mine, kissing me softly, still holding my chin with one hand. His other hand is on my upper arm, gripping it lightly as he kisses me. I start to kiss him back after a few seconds, but not moving my hands.
"I'll go, if you want me to..." he says softly, pulling back.
I shake my head. "Stay," I whisper, almost-silently.
Kaylie pops her head in the room. "I'm gonna go," she says, pointing behind her.
I nod. "Thank you, Kay, for everything,"
"You're welcome, Seth. You're my best friend, I'd do anything for you," she says, smiling softly.
"Hey, thanks for being with him when I was an awful person and friend..." Austin says.
"No problem," Kaylie says softly. She waves and pulls the door closed behind her after saying she'll leave a note that Austin is here for my parents. After she goes, I turn back to Austin.
"So...we've got some things to work out," I say softly.
He looks at me, nodding slowly.
We talk--for almost two hours--about everything. Turns out, he likes me too. He didn't think I would like him back, so he started distancing himself from me. He didn't want to hurt me, and he didn't think that he did, but when he saw me tonight, he knew he needed to fix us. After we finish talking, or I assume he's done talking, there's a moment of silence in which I pull him to me, placing my lips on his and kissing him. He cups my face, kissing me back almost instantly. His lips feel so good...so right on mine--I love this feeling.
I lay curled up next to Austin, my body pressed against his, thinking--and realizing--that our bodies fit perfectly together.
He presses his lips to the spot behind my ear gently, whispering softly, the words, "I love you,".
"I love you too," I whisper back. "Goodnight, sleep well,"
"You too, my love,"
I turn around a little to kiss his lips, turning back around seconds later and putting my head on my pillow, and falling asleep almost five minutes after. I think I sleep better when he's around...when he's holding me. I love this...and him.
12/23/19
