I felt somebody opening the door and slowly walking inside. I was awake, fully awake but not in the mood to turn around to see who it was. After what happened last night I was ashamed and scared of what they were thinking of me. I was so stupid, I got caught and that will bring consequences. The person walked out the room, followed by another person, probably Lisa since you could hear dani snoring and Lauren's bunk makes way too much noise to go unnoticed. I sighed and forced myself to close my eyes. I don't know how much time passed since I fell asleep, but I felt somebody shaking me.
'Spencer' Mike whispered to me. I turned around, Lauren and Dani were still sleeping. He motioned me to follow him downstairs and that's what I did. I knew what was coming, I knew they wanted to talk about what happened. And as much as I wanted to just ignore it, I couldn't. I walked to the living room, where Mom, Dad, Christina, Katherine and Lisa were sitting. I sat in front of my parents, feeling way too uncomfortable. I sighed.
"So... how are you feeling?" Dad finally asked. "I'm okay" I softly replied, looking at the ground. I was far from comfortable and I just wanted this to end. I sighed again.
'We've been talking to someone who can help yo-'
'I don't want help' I whispered as tears were forming in my eyes. I do want help, I want to be saved, but I'm scared and alone. Everything's crumbling down.
'I know you don't, but please... I just... I can't lose you, you know? I'm completely aware of my mistakes and what I've done to our relation, but I love you and I want the best for you' Lisa said. I remained quiet, nervously playing with my fingers.
'You have to go Spencer, I'm sorry' Christina told me and I sighed, tears were falling down my face. Well, at least I'm not getting into a mental hospital.
'Whatever' I replied softly, sitting there awkwardly. Mom got up and walked to me, sitting in the floor, in front of me.
'You're sick honey, you need professional help. You can trust in that person, you can tell her everything you want and she will listen. I'm sorry for what happened yesterday, I'm really sorry. This is running out of our hands and I don't know what else to do. I'm trapped, I've never been in this situation and I don't know what to do to make you feel different, to heal you. We care about you, we love you Spencer and we want the best for you' She let out. I nodded, sobbing. She grabbed my arm and I sat on her lap and curled in her chest, crying my heart out. I knew I needed help, but I wasn't sure if it was the correct choice for me, but I didn't cared because for the first time in a long time, I was having my mom on my side and she was being there for me.
**
For your surprise and mine too, the appointment with the therapist was planned for today. There was no warning and I wasn't prepared. At least they could have given me time to prepare mentally, but no. I was in the waiting room, sitting in front of my parents who were talking about something they were reading in a magazine. The door got opened and a blonde woman appeared.
'Spencer Cimorelli' She called out. I looked at my parents and suddenly I didn't felt like getting up from my spot. I was shaking and scared. Mom took my hand and I walked with them, practically hiding behind her. The woman closed the door behind and motioned us to sit in a couch she had in the middle of the huge office. I sat at the edge, as far as possible from her but it wasn't enough. She smiled at me. 'You must be Spencer' She said, showing me her white teeth. Well, at least she tried, I mean... nobody can compete with Lisa's teeth.
'Spencer' My dad said to me. I looked at him and sighed.
'It's okay Mr. Cimorelli. Well, I think it's time for you to wait outside while we get to know each other better' She told my parents and they walked out, leaving me alone with her. 'I'm Dr. Hermann, but you can call me Kelsie. I want you to tell me a little bit about you' She asked me nicely and I stood there, quiet. What the heck was I supposed to tell her? I mean, I don't even know her.
I'd be lying if I told you that the session was life-changing. In fact, it made me feel even more miserable and helpless. I knew it from the begging, she can't help me, nobody can. I looked out the window as we drove back to the house.
'So, how was it?' Dad asked, breaking the silence.
'Can I just... I don't want to go there never again' I harshly replied. Dad parked the car off the road and they both turned around.
'What happened there?' Mom asked me quickly. She wanted to know if there was a reason, if she did something to me. She didn't.
'Nothing happened. She can't help me' I replied without looking away from the window. I heard her sigh.
'How do you know? You have to give her a try' She suggested but I shook my head.
'Mom' I looked at her. She nodded and dad drove to the house again. I'm not going back there never again. I would rather tell my parents what happened instead of telling her. I just... she can't help me. Nobody can. Dad parked the car in the front yard and I slowly walked out, getting inside the house. The girls were rehearsing in the piano, laughing hysterically. Christina got up as soon as she noticed me.
'So how did it went?' She asked me. All my sisters were looking at me, expectant.
'Awful' I shortly replied and walked upstairs, to lay down on my bed. The bed where Jess used to sleep wasn't there anymore as well as her clothes. That only could mean that she finally left this house and that was amazing. The door slowly opened, and Lisa walked inside.
'Hey' She softly said, climbing the bunk and lying next to me.
'I could just push you a little bit to the edge and you'll fall.... and the conversation that you think we will have, won't happen' I told her and she frowned, looking at me. 'Spence... you can talk to me' She told me and I sighed.
'I know I can...I'm just not ready' I replied lying down on my bed. She turned to look at me.
'What are you so afraid of?' She asked me.
'Everything' I shortly replied, I was afraid of Matt, of them, of me. I was scared of rejection, of disappointment.
'Spencer'
'You really want me to tell you?' I asked her and she nodded.
'I lost a baby' I blurted out, closing my eyes at the stupid thing that I had just said. She gasped in shock and looked at me confused as never.
'WHAT? like how's that possible. When? Where? Why? I mean... Are you kidding right?' She asked and I shook my head.
'I want to be alone' I replied, walking down the bunk and out of the room. As I was about to reach the stairs, she grabbed me by the arm,
'You better explain to me what the heck you meant with ''I lost a baby''!' She yelled. 'You what?!' Christina exclaimed. She was standing behind Lisa, with a shook look on her face. I looked at the escenario... this was terribly wrong, this wasn't exactly the way I wanted them to know. 'Spencer... You aborted a baby?' She asked calm. I stood quiet and I guess that was her answer. 'I can't believe you! How could you?!! How could you be so irresponsible to go around having sex and then kill that innocent blessing. I don't know who you are anymore' She snapped at me and I felt tears falling down my face. Christina walked downstairs and I stood there, looking at the ground, confused about what had just happened.
'I just... this is very disappointing' Lisa said, turning around.
'Well... welcome to my life' I yelled at her as she walked inside our room. This whole misunderstanding was leading me to the same place I was before. Actually, It felt as if I never left that dark place, I was still there and everytime I tried to get up and leave... something happened and drags me back.
** It's 2am, I'm so sorry for the delay. I haven't been really inspired. I'm already finishing the next chapter so I hope to update in a couple of days!
I'm so sorry again. Vote/comment if you liked this chapter.
I love you.
