Young Blood || Cimorelli

[14]

 (Discretion advised, as usual lol)

       I felt my body aching and I forced myself to open my eyes, even though I wasn't prepared enough to face reality. I was sleeping in a bed that didn't belonged to me, covered with sheets that didn't had my smell, I was sleeping in my parents bed. All alone, again. I turned around and sat on the edge of the bed. An awful pain was placed between my tights and the lower part of my abdomen. I touched my belly, there was nothing inside of me anymore, I was feeling empty, something was missing and I knew exactly what it was. I didn't have to worry about it anymore... but I wanted to, I wanted to worry about it. And now I won't get the chance. I sighed and slowly got up. It was hard to move but I didn't cared. I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in there. It wasn't so much different from yesterday, I was feeling equally unworthy, used, broken. No matter how hard I try to forget and move on, I couldn't. Everything had reached a point where anything was making sense, where I couldn't understand what God was planning for me. I couldn't, I just couldn't. Life wasn't worth it anymore, never was, never will. I sat on the floor, holding the razor in my hand. Maybe this was the end for me, mayb-

        'Spencer?' Mom interrupted my thoughts. 'Are you there?' She asked and I panicked.

        'yup' I replied, my voice cracking at the end. I hid the razor and cleaned my face. I looked like a zombie, to be honest. I was pale and my eyes were red, a nasty cut that didn't seemed to need stiches was in my forehead, and the one in my cheek it was healing, apparently. I walked out the bathroom, but she wasn't there. I guess I was supposed to walk downstairs. Before I walked out of the bathroom, I took a pill for the pain and headed downstairs. I was about to walk inside the kitchen when I saw everybody reunited in the living room. I frowned.

        'Hey' Mike greeted me while he motioned me to sit down next to him. That's what I did, the last thing I really wanted was to sit between Lisa and Christina.

        'What happened?' Dad asked me, I couldn't figure out if he was mad at me, disappointed or worried. He was probably mad.

        'Nothing' I shrugged as I felt the back of my eyes burning. Memories from the past months were floating through my mind, like my demons.

        'Spencer' Mom sternly said, looking at me in the eyes. I didn't looked away, I wasn't used to it and her look softened maybe because she had seen in my eyes the pain that has been chasing me for years.

        'Nothing happened okay?!' I snapped annoyed. She shook her head.

        'Why are you doing this to us, Spencer?' Christina suddenly asked and I looked at her confused. What the heck was she talking about.

        'What are you talking about?' I asked her.

        'This is not about you shutting us out, it's about you doing stupid things' Ouch, that hurted. 

        'Stupid things?' I asked her, biting the inside of my mouth, holding the tears that were threatening to fall.

        'Yes Spencer, stupid things. You go out and look for troubles. This is not how mom and dad taught you to be. You've brought more problems the past months, than all of us together' She said, pointing at Lisa and Katherine. I shook my head,

        'You've got to be kidding me' I mumbled and she raised an eyebrow. Now the tears were falling down my face.

        'Spence-'

        'I just... I wish you could see beyond your nose, beyond yourself what has been happening. But no, you clearly are the one judging and putting words in your mouth that only make you look stupid in front of me' I snapped, getting up.