Young Blood || Cimorelli

[10]

(A/N this continues after last chapter btw)

        After a couple of minutes, I decided that it was time to go out of the bathroom and face reality. I cleaned the mess that I had made and I put on my sweater again. This winter actually felt like a real winter, we have had rain and most cloudy days, and that was a point to me. I could wear sweaters and long sleeve shirts, without anybody asking about it. I washed my face and jumped in fear when I saw that somebody fell as I opened the door. Lisa.

        'What the hell?!' I exclaimed confused. She got up fast, and I saw the dry tears on her cheeks. She looked at me with the saddest expression I've ever seen, and I felt the need to hug her and protect her the same way she did with me. But no, I couldn't.

        'Can we please talk?' She begged and I sighed.

        'You have a minute' I replied looking at my phone screen. 'Counting from now'

        'I am really sorry, extremely sorry. You don't even know how I regret it, every day, every morning. I am tired of this fight, I know I screwed it up, I know I made this huge and awful mistake, and I'm sorry, I truly am. I'll do anything to fix it, to fix this mess. Pl-'

        'Time' I said, interrupting her. She looked at me confused and I turned around.

        'You're not going to say anything?' She replied, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

        'What do you want me to say?'

        'That you forgive me' She whispered loud enough for me to hear. I shook my head.

        'I can't' I replied walking downstairs, leaving her standing in the middle of the aisle. I felt an awful sensation inside of me. I was tired of everything, I was tired of Matt, of Jess, of feeling empty and not loved, of feeling a burden, a failure. I wanted to die but I wasn't that strong to do it, not yet.

        I lay on the grass, watching the sky turning grey, It was going to rain soon or later. I felt somebody lying next to me and I realized that as long as I stay in this house, i'll never be able to spend some time alone.

        'You need to clean the bathroom better' I heard and immediately turned around, to face the person lying next to me. Lauren.

        'What are you talking about?' I asked confused. I was scared actually, but I couldn't show her that. I needed to play dumb, make her believe that I didn't knew what she was talking about.

        'Spencer... what is going on with you?' She asked and I felt my heart stopping. Do you really want to know lauren? no you don't, nobody wants to know things like that.

        'Nothing' I replied, looking at the sky again. I felt her gaze on me.

        'I want to know, I can help you. We are twins afterall' She suddenly told me. I sighed

        'You don't really want to know' I replied, getting up from the grass to my room, I needed a nap, I needed to sleep so nobody could actually bother me. As I was walking to my room, I heard people talking inside. The door wasn't closed so I lay back against the wall, listening to what they were saying.

        'C'mon Lisa, talk to me' Christina asked her. I could heard her sobbing, and I felt extremely guilty. It was my fault, another mess to fix, another burden to carry, another tear, another cut. I never expected her to care the way she did, the way she does. 

        'I don't want to talk' Lisa replied between sobs.

        'You have to, that's the only way to let it out of your chest, that's the only way you can get rid of the  pain.' Christina told her and that's when I truly realized that keeping your emotions to yourself could hurt more than the physical pain.