Young Blood || Cimorelli

[20]

        I sat on the last step of the stairs. He said he would come back but he hasn't. I was desperately waiting for him, I was ready, I was prepared but after the first 24 hours... I was done, I wasn't that prepared and everything I thought I had accomplished, was now... nothing. I had nothing. I was nothing. And overthinking was drowning me. I knew he was mad, desperate even helpless, and it was my fault. I keep pushing people away, I keep preventing myself from falling deeper but without even noticing... I am falling deeper. I was already touching the bottom. I needed someone to be with me, I needed a friend, someone to talk to but me and Emily weren't as close as before. I pushed her away too and the sad part is that she didn't really fought for stay. I got up, determined. I needed to get out of here, I needed air, peace... I needed to be alone. I walked to the garage and grabbed my bike. I was alone in this house, they had practically left me so I didn't really cared to let them know that I was out. I pedaled down the hills, to the beach. That was the only escape, the only calm place in this damn city. I sat on the sand and grabbed my phone from my pocket. I was about to touch his name on the screen but I didn't, maybe he needed time, maybe he just realized that there was no point in trying to fix me. I sighed one more time. He didn't came, he hasn't called... he moved on.

        I got up and grabbed my bike, maybe coming to the beach wasn't that smart, maybe I should've stay home... maybe. I pedaled back home, where a black Audi was parked outside. Luke was sitting in the porch, looking down, playing with his fingers. I gulped, a little bit scared of what it'll happen next. Is this the moment when we are supposed to break up or maybe ... the moment where I talk to him about what happened? The only way to find out, was actually facing the problem. I slowly walked to the porch and he got up as soon as he saw me.

        'Hey' He said shy. I half smiled and put my bike leaning against the wall. I knew dad would get mad if he gets home and finds it there but I didn't cared. 'So... I came here to talk'

        '4 days took you to show up' I simply let out and he nodded.

        'I know, I know and I'm sorry... ' He apologized and I nodded not wanting to make it a big deal anyways. He followed me inside and sat on the stairs while I went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a glass for him. I handed him the glass and sat next to him. He smiled at me as he drank the water.

        'So?...' I asked him and he looked at the ground. 'if you're breaking up with me it's-'

        'Wait what? I'm not breaking up with you' He stated and I nodded. An uncomfortable silence filled the room and somehow it wasn't like before, something had changed and I still was having trouble figuring out what it was and if it was good or bad.

        'So what is it then?' I asked unsure. Maybe I didn't wanted to know anymore.

        'I was hoping you were ready to tell me what happened, I don't know maybe it's complicated but I feel like you're making it more complicated-'

        'Wait what? Me? It is complicated and I can't do anything to make it easy to share' I replied annoyed. Anger was building inside of me but also, I understood him, after all he did cared about me.

        'I wish you could just talk to me, tell me your fears so I could protect you or be with you, supporting you. I'm trying, Spencer, really hard but you're not letting me in and I don't know what else to do' he softly said. We both remained quiet.

        'I was raped' I whispered hoping that he didn't heard it but the look on his face changed and it was no longer concern but anger.

        'When?' He asked a few seconds later. The tone on his voice was now deeper and his hands were tight.

        'A few months ago' I quietly replied and he got up.

        'Who?' He asked me but I shook my head. 'Tell me spencer!' He yelled at me but I shook my head again as tears were falling down my face.

        'Please' I begged him, but he didn't listen.

        'Who did this Spencer?!' He asked again but I shook my head. 'Why are you protecting him!' He annoyed got up, touching his head. 

        'I'm not protecting him, I'm protecting myself and you!' I yelled back, wiping my tears.

        'This is what you've been hiding from me? This is not a joke Spencer! you haven't told anyone about this... what if he didn't used protection!? What is wrong with you!' He blurted out and I looked at the ground.

        'You're an asshole' 

        'Why? What have I done now?!' He asked me and I shook my head, remaining quiet. 'You should've told the police, you should've... say this to me. He can't hurt you anymore.' He whispered the last part.

        'You know nothing' I replied angry and he sighed,

        'Then explain it to me! Don't push me out, I want to know' He desperately said, kneeling in front of me. 'I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch. I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna make him pay for this' He said, letting go of my hand, but I stopped him.

        'DON'T! You don't know what he's capable of doing' I begged him but he didn't seemed to listen. 'I was pregnant...' I whispered before he could walk out the door. He stopped and turned around, confused. 'I was pregnant Luke, and he killed my baby... He killed his own baby. You don't know what he's capable of doing. And I don't want you to get hurt... I can't lose you too.' I explained as tears were falling down my eyes. He walked closer and hugged me tight.

        'I'm so sorry babe' He sobbed in my arms too. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall and I sat down on his lap, sobbing. I guess I was no longer by myself. I knew I should feel grateful of the fact that he was caring about me, that he loved me. But no, I was scared and I knew Luke wasn't going to stop until he saw him dead, until Matt had paid for what he did to me and I wanted that too, but I was scared... so fucking scared.

*** I'm afraid to say this but maybe the end is coming.... or not haha it depends haha If you have any ideas or something to make this longer or different, feel free to comment haha I still have a few ideas but I feel emotionally attached to this story and I don't want to end it soon ): haha

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ILYSM <3