Are You Bored Yet? || ♡Komahina/Hinakoma♡

Beginning to Remember

Hajime's P.O.V

After school, I immediately run into my room and collapse onto my bed. I ignored my father's questions, asking about how today went. I mostly ignored him because I knew he didn't give a shit in reality, the other part of it was because I was more focused on my thoughts. What was on my mind exactly? The conversation I had with that guy, Komaeda, of course. It was a short conversation, but it still got me thinking. I sort-of regret ending it so quickly though, I don't know why I did. Speaking more with him probably would have helped me a bit. But there's no way to twist the past, so I have to deal with what I've got right now. 

And all I have, is a name. A name that.. does sound quite familiar. Nagito Komaeda.

Why does that sound so mundane? I just cannot put my finger on it, it confuses me to no end. I need to figure it out sometime soon, and update Nagito on it. So, I'm going to spend most of my day in my room to think. The only times I promised myself to leave were if I needed to use the restroom or if I need to eat. 

I thought for a long time, sitting in my bed and tapping my fingers against the cushions for the most part. Sometimes I would stand up to pace around the room, since that sometimes helped. Suddenly, I randomly look over to the stuffed golden retriever that sat on my bed. This strangely got me thinking, for whatever reason. I scoot over to it, pick it up and look over it. The bittersweet ginger smell.. That smells even more familiar now. As if I have smelt it recently, apart from this plushie. It took me a hot minute to remember exactly why.

'Komaeda had a similar smell.. He smelt a bit like a bittersweet ginger, exactly like the bit that I get from this thing.'

Then it strikes me. Does this stuffed animal perhaps have anything to do with Nagito? From the information I have, it seems that way. But hey, bittersweet ginger isn't a scent you would find on only one person, right? So maybe not. But still, the chances were quite high, as far as I can see. There was nothing different about the smells. 

There it goes again, something hits me across the head (not literally). I lost my childhood memories, right? Maybe this plushie has something to do with my childhood? And if it does, does that mean there's a possibility Nagito has something to do with it? The idea was a stretch, but perhaps not a bad one. Maybe Komaeda was a part of my childhood, that's why he sounds and smells so mundane to me. I couldn't really come to any other conclusion at the moment. So, I decided to leave my room and question my father. I highly doubt he will but, I would like to attempt to see if he could give me any answers. I found him in the living room, sitting on the couch and watching whatever sport was on. Just the usual, he's never productive.

"Dad," I start out, sitting on the couch a few feet away from him. He groans, turning off the t.v and looking towards me. "What is it?" He asked, sounding grumpy. "I wanted to ask.. What was my childhood like? Like, did I have any close friends, or something like that?" I questioned, needing an answer and practically begging for one with my eyes. My father was silent for a hot minute, but I couldn't gather on why exactly. He finally spoke, "Why are you asking?" I sigh, "Please just tell me. I need to know." The other took another minute to gather up on what to say, and once he did, he sighed just as I did. 

"You only had one friend, as far as I knew. He was a kid living next door to us. You both were little shitheads who couldn't depart from stuffed animals, and you would always visit each other," He explained, but the explanation ended quickly, "and that's really it. All you wanted was that one friend." My eyes widen, now beginning to think that maybe this kid I was friends with back then was Komaeda, just as I was suspecting. So I then ask, "What was his name?" I need to know. Hopefully I can have some flash of memory, just if I know the name, surely. 

"Nagito Komaeda, I think," my father sighs, obviously not wanting to continue this conversation. To my disappointment and surprise, I didn't have any sudden flash of memory to anything of my childhood. It was as if, those memories have been erased almost completely. Did the test I attended those few years ago, take all that away from me? I just thought it was a foggy memory sort of situation, but it's starting to feel like they took out those memories just nearly all together. And that.. angered me. Even if it was most likely an accident. I'm frustrated with my father, and the team that was doing the test on me. 

My father, because he brought me into that whole mess seemingly without a second thought. He put his own goddamn son into a skeptical company that was meant to change my entire identity. That's not a father, that's a despicable human being. The team, because they *accepted* doing the tests. This was when I was about twelve. I was a child. A child that couldn't give consent to anything like that. My father gave me into that test without thinking sympathetically, and neither did the team. 

'I'll never forgive any of you.'

I was snapped out of my thoughts, by my father speaking. "You've been silent for a while. Can you just leave already?" He sighed, annoyed. I rolled my eyes, standing from my place and walking away without another word. I went back to my room, shutting the door behind me. I sit on the bed again, taking the stuffed dog. I need to know further, with everything. If I see him tomorrow, I'm going to be sure to ask him if it has anything to do with childhood, and I would like him to tell me stories from then, or something like that. 

I want whatever my childhood was, back. And I'm sure Komaeda wants that as well, whatever he was to me. 

[a/n: this chapter felt dumb.]