Are You Bored Yet? || ♡Komahina/Hinakoma♡

What I've Become

[a/n: I wanted to add a chapter that *really* looks into the 'new' Komaeda, so I guess this is technically a filler chapter? But it will include important details!]

Third person P.O.V

Nagito walks into what was his new apartment, the one he would be staying in for as long as he attended Hope's Peak. The place where, he just didn't feel as if he belonged. There were a plentiful of true talented students there. The Ultimate Photographer, Ultimate Breeder, Ultimate Supreme Leader, Ultimate Affluent Progeny, Ultimate Inventor, Ultimate Pianist, and very many more. A wide variety of impressive and soon-to-be successful Ultimates, yet what was he? What was his acception to Hope's Peak, the school for truly deserving people?

Lucky student.

Luck, that isn't a talent. It's just luck. Nothing more. What was so special or different about luck? How was luck, just simple luck (that wasn't even that beneficial by the way) going to change and make a better future for the world? Komaeda, he couldn't understand how. Why was luck accepted? Why? Why? Why?

He was grateful for it nonetheless, but he just couldn't wrap his mind around it. Maybe it was his poor brain that wasn't helping him understand fully, who knows? 

But once he was accepted, he was informed that the school was interested in his luck. What that meant? He didn't know. He wasn't informed any further than that. All he knew was that the school found something interesting about Komaeda's luck, and his luck only. He could only barely understand why it was 'interesting', but to him, it was only normal to him. And quite simple. His good luck and bad luck, was just like hope and despair. One comes, then the other, and the larger it is the larger the next thing will be. That was just how plain and simple his luck got. 

But whatever they wanted, it's not as if Nagito could argue against them anyway. 

After all, all the white haired male saw himself as, to put it simply, was worthless. Just complete and utter garbage, lowlife scum, undeserving trash. Just about anything close to those comments, was in Nagito's eyes, the accurate way of looking at him. He just felt so.. Disgusting. After all the things he felt as if he caused, even if it was just his luck's fault. He still felt responsible, and that made him feel horrible. 

He'd usually think, that if he just didn't exist, he wouldn't have caused all of these disasters. His parents would be living a happy life, his dog would be too. Everyone he's met, anyone who had the misfortune of knowing him, they'd be living off a better and more clean life. They wouldn't have to deal with all the messes Komaeda would somehow end up causing. 

He's tried to end it before. He really has. But unfortunately, each time, nothing worked. His luck would end up saving him somehow. At east, until he was met with his diseases, one of them being incurable. Which, he thought, was for the better in the end. Without him, there would be none of his luck, so he wouldn't be causing his loved ones harm, even if he never meant it. 

This was far from what he was like as a child. Things back then were so simple, he could be care-free, he had a friend, he had his parents. He never thought about losing all of the simplicity, and everything he loved, he just had no worries at the time. And his worries were nonexistent. That's just how everything was for nearly everyone as a kid, but then people grow up and realize that not everything is all sunshine and rainbows as it was as a kid. 

He distanced himself from people ever since losing his parents, he became an outsider, and he didn't want to talk to anyone, unless it was his childhood friend. He only wished for one good day with the brunette he missed, then he felt as though he should back off and let him live on with his life. Finding Hajime was so special to him, but it made his heart just drop to the fact that Hinata didn't remember him clearly. Hopefully he could remember. Then, Komaeda could die happily. 

He lies down on his bed, pulling the covers over himself. He hates what he has turned into. Everything about him, he thought was disgusting. His hair, his face, his body, his personality, his very existence. Everything just felt so gross. He saw no good part in him. He'd in fact, be surprised if Hinata was willing to spend any amount of time with him if/when he remembered Komaeda. He'd probably just be doing it out of pure pity. 

Komaeda really would give anything to just be a kid again, and to just stay a kid. Even if it was just reliving all of his childhood each time, nothing new, he would appreciate it wholeheartedly. As long as he didn't have to deal with the him as of now. The idea of being that sweet, innocent, non-diseased child that he was all the way back then, it made him feel all giddy inside. It just sounded that amazing. 

Yet, that could never happen, and he'd just have to deal with the despair he'd be bringing.

[a/n: this chapter was horrid, I deeply apologize- I promise that the next chapter will actually progress with the storyline.]