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I know you smell the perfume, the make up on his shirt - Mario
I knock on his front door feeling like absolute sh*t after crying the whole night.
He opens the door in sweats. He rolls his eyes at this sight.
"You know I love you and you're my best friend, but knocking on my door every weekend when he does something stupid is getting tiring," he says. "Not helping right now, T," I say. "What did he do this time," he says stepping aside so I can walk in.
"Wait let me guess," he says as we walk to the living room, "he went out with friends last night and didn't come home."
"Ding ding ding," I say sitting on the couch.
"Well bars close, so he had to be sleeping somewhere, just not in your apartment," he says "Is your intention to make me feel more sh*tty than I already feel?" I ask. "Well excuse me for feeling used because you only come here when he's done something stupid and you need to be comforted," he says. "You know it's not like that," I say. "Well what is it like then? Because you only knock on my door to tell me about the texts and the pictures on his phone. I know you smell the perfume and the make up on his shirt. And yet you stay with that idiot. After all he's put you through," he says raising his voice. "Well what's it to you if I stay with him?" I ask raising my voice in return. "Because you know, for a fact, that I would never do that to you. I would treat you a million times better than he ever could," he says softly.
I'm at a lose for words. All I can do is look at him blankly.
"But it's whatever. He'll come home tonight and apologize and you'll forgive him. Then the very next week he'll do the same thing and we'll just repeat this whole cycle all over again. And if you still fail to see that I'd never treat you like that, then that's on you," he says shrugging his shoulders.
"It's just, we've been together for so long. It's difficult to break a bad habit. Maybe thing's aren't always perfect, but it's always familiar, I'm never surprised with him," I say.
"You can't tell me what you two had even felt like a relationship. He was always out with his mates, he never came home, deep down you know was cheating, even though he would spend his last dying breath denying it. That's not a relationship, you were his safety blanket," he says.
"It wasn't always like that," I say "Yeah yeah, things were probably great in the beginning. But when are you going to realize that that's no reason for him to treat you like sh*t now?" He asks. "I can't just leave him after everything," I say. "No, you should leave him because of everything. Look, I made peace with that fact that you'll never see me in the way I see you. I've accepted that I'll always be the best friend, but I can't accept always being your punching bag. You just come to me when you're mad at him and leave when he says I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore Jess, I don't want to," he says, "sooner or later, people are going to get sick of hearing you complain about him, and then go back to him the very next day."
I suck in a deep breath and rest my head in my palms.
"You're right, T," I say as a tear falls from my eye. "Right as in I'm your punching bag or right as in you should leave him?" He asks. "About everything. I haven't been a great friend to you lately and Seb hasn't been a great boyfriend either. You're not just a punching bag, you're my best friend and I should start treating you like that," I say. "So what's the plan?" He asks sitting down next to me. "I guess have that awkward conversation with Seb. It's just weird, I've been with him for so many years, do I even know a life without him?" I say. "Trust me, a life without Seb is the best thing you could ever do," he says. "What do I do now?" I ask. "Move on. Obviously it's sucks a bit on my side because I would've wanted you to move on a lot earlier, but no like the present," he says shrugging his shoulders. "How come you never told me you had feelings for me?" I ask. "I just never felt like it'd change anything between us," he says
"You're probably right. I would've too caught up in "Seb's World" to have have bothered," I say.
"Well, I'm for one glad it's over, I think I speak for everyone close to you." He says.
"I can't help but feel stupid for wasting so many years of my life on him," I say.
"Better late than never, right?" he says with a chuckle.
"So what happens after I have that conversation. Where do I start after so many years?" I ask.
"I say ask a friend to set you up on a rebound date, and once it's out of your system, I'll be here so we can re-watch episodes from The Office. Forgive me for not wanting to be the first guy you date after a long term relationship," he says gently grabbing my hand.
"I don't deserve you," I say with a laugh.
"You never did," he says, " I guess I'm just a sucker for a girl that took ages to realise I was in love with her."
"Looks like we've got a lot of ground to cover," I say.
"Five years of date nights to catch up on, to be exact," he says with a laugh.
