Before I love you, I'm gonna leave you. Before I'm someone you leave behind, I'll break your heart so you don't break mine.
- The Chainsmokers, Lennon StellaTrent Alexander-Arnold
🦁🦁🦁England National Team
🔴Liverpool
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I'm making my way through my third cup of tea for the day when my phone rings with Trent's name displayed on the screen."Hello," I answer.
"Hey, are you free today? I wanna go for some lunch," he asks.
"I'm kinda busy, microeconomics won't study itself," I say.
"Come on, I haven't seen you in weeks, just for a few hours I promise," he says.
"I can't," I say.
"Can I at least come over then?" He asks.
"Trent," I groan.
"See you in a few," he says before I can protest.I hear him knock on the door a few minutes later.
He wraps his arms around me.
"I missed you," he mumbles into my shoulder.
I give no reply which immediately gets a reaction from him.
"I've been gone for two weeks and I don't even get an I miss you too," he says.
"I said I was busy," I say.
"Is it too much to ask just to see my girlfriend," he says.
"When she says she's busy, then yes," I reply sarcastically.He pulls a confused face.
"Did something happen while I was away?" He asks.
"No. Why do you have something you need to confess?" I ask.
"No, are you sure things are okay with us?", He asks.
"Yeah, unless you give me reason to believe otherwise," I say.
"You're doing it again," he says.
"Doing what? Trying to study because not all of us were blessed enough to be good at football?" I ask walking back to my desk.
"No, you're pushing me away for no reason," he says.I roll my eyes having no response.
"I'm serious Kels," he says.
"I'm not doing anything," I snap back.
"You did it when we first started dating. You did it again when we went public. And you're doing it again. You need to tell me what's going on bubs," he says wrapping his arms around me.
"If I push you away it'll hurt less when you leave," I mumbles into his chest.
"But I have to leave, it's my job. And I'm never gone for too long," he says.
"No I mean when you find someone else, or cheat or just decide that us together isn't enough," I say sadly.
"What? No, no, no," he says squeezing me tighter, "I would never leave you."
"That's what they always say before they leave," I say pulling away from him.
"Who says anything about leaving," he says.
"It's just easier that way. Before I fall in love with you, I'll leave so I can't be the one you leave behind. I'd much rather break your heart than be the one heart broken," I say.
"What do I have to say to you to convince you that I'm in this for the long run?" He asks.
"You can't do anything, because my own dad who was supposed to love me unconditionally left, so what's stopping you, who shares no blood with me, from leaving?" I ask.
"There's nothing stopping me from leaving you, but I want you to know that being with you and playing for Liverpool are the only two things I'm certain of in my life. And maybe that's not enough, but I really want you to believe that I'm really invested in this," he reassures me.
"Trust me I want to believe you, but there's something stopping me from doing that," I say.
"Do you want to be in this relationship?" He asks.
"I do, I just I'm scared that I'm going to fall in love with you and you're gonna break my heart," I say.
"I'd never do that, if anything, you'd be the one to break my heart. If you forgot, I've kinda had a crush you since the 11th grade," he says with a chuckle.
"That's part of why I'm terrified. We've known each other for so long, what happens when you get bored and realize that what you wanted in high school isn't what you need later on," I say.
"I get it, we're young, and have our whole lives ahead of us, but that just means I get a few more years to go on adventures with you," he says.
"Doesn't it scare you that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with the same person?" I ask.
"Kels, that's the exciting part. When you graduate we're gonna buy our first apartment together. Then marriage, kids, all the fun stuff. We get to do that together, while still laughing about high school and how much we hated biology," he says grabbing my hand, "we get to do all of that together."
"You make commitment sound fun," he say with a light laugh.
"When you do it with the right person, it's one hell of a party," he says holding my cheek.
"This is no apology, but thank you for talking me out of my commitment issues," I say stubbornly.
"Guess that makes me lucky because I get to deal with your stubbornness for the rest of my life," he says leaning closer.He gently presses his lips against mine as a blush rises to my cheeks.
It's those damn butterflies again.
"At the expense of possibly causing you to push me away again," he says letting go of my cheek, "I love you Kels."
I'm unable to stop myself from smiling when he says those words.
"I'm not ready to say it just yet, but hearing it makes me really happy," I say with a smile.
"Let's just take it slow, I get it," he says.
"For what it's worth, I do really really really like you," I say.
"Now you've crossed a line. Things are getting way too serious, way too quickly " he says sarcastically.I roll my eyes at him as I realize how lucky I am to have him.
Trent Alexander-Arnold, he with a superhuman ability to understand me when I barely understand me. My favourite person in whole world.
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