Football Imagines

Lingard 💔 The Greatest

Don't leave I just need a wake up call
- Lana Del Ray

Jesse Lingard
🦁🦁🦁 England National Team
🔴 Manchester United🔴

Another night that I can feel turning into a huge fight.

"And you know the worst part is, you did it in front of all of my friends," he says angrily.
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry," I plead.
"Until you actually mean it Val," he says.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask.
"Well, forgive me for being mad about the fact that my girlfriend, of five years, openly made it clear that she sees no future for us," he says sarcastically.
"I was backed up into a corner, what did you expect me to say?" I ask.
"Oh I don't know, maybe 'we're not thinking of marriage right now' or even a simple, 'I'm not sure' but anything, literally anything, other than, he wishes," he says raising his voice.
"Why is it such a big deal if you know that I don't mean that," I say.
"Because, I'm constantly defending you when everyone hears you openly denying me and our relationship. The amount of times I've had to convince people that you do love me and that when it's just us, things are better, would amaze you," he says.
"Since when is it everyone else's business," I say.
"Because everyone else, except you, sees that it makes me feel like crap when you say those things," he says.
"Well I'm sorry, but if I'm backed up into a corner all I can do is be defensive and you can't blame me for that," I say.
"How can being asked about us getting married one day and starting a family be considered being backed up into a corner. That should make you so happy that you can't wait for someone to ask you about it," he says.
"I'm just not like that, I was never that girl who had her wedding and life planned out at the age of twelve," I say.
"Then what is it then, you don't want to get married, or just don't want to get married to me?" He asks.
"Can you just stop shoving the idea of marriage down my throat for one second. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe we're too young to be getting married. We're only twenty four, we have our whole lives ahead of us. I wasn't even supposed to meet the person I'm going to marry until I turn 26, this is all just happening really fast," I say.
"We've been together for five years, isn't that slow enough," he says.
"Stop making me feel bad for not being ready, I'm not the crazy one here. At 24 I'm supposed to be off in the Tuscany making irresponsible decisions. I'm not supposed to be in an apartment with my boyfriend since we were 19, going to a football game every second Sunday, that's not what I see for me right now," I say.
"Well then go, move out, go to Tuscany and see what you're missing, but don't think you're gonna come back and everything is gonna be okay," he says.
"I'm not saying I want to leave, I'm just saying that looking back on my life this isn't where I pictured myself at this age," I say with a sigh.
"Where do you want to be? Here with me or out there. Because I can't do this anymore. I need someone that wants to be with me, someone that can't wait to come home and cuddle with me on the couch. I need someone that doesn't feel ashamed at the thought of marrying me," he says.
"I'm not ashamed, I'm just scared that I'm making a mistake by jumping into this relationship so quickly. What if we're not right for each other. We've never had any other relationship to compare it to. You we're my first everything. Everything I know about relationships is because of you and that scares me because what if there's better out ther-" I say before he interupts me.
"Well you've now made it known that you're looking for something better. So sorry for not being the best. Sorry for trying my fricken hardest everyday to make you happy. Sorry for trying too much and wanting to spend the rest of my life with you," he says before storming off to our room.

I follow him wanting to get this fight over and done with. I see him packing clothes into a bag.

"Where are you going?" I ask as he doesn't even aknowledge my presence.
"As of right now, I can't bare to even look at you. I'm so maddened by the fact that you think there's better out there as though I'm not constantly trying my best to be enough for you. I try everyday in the hopes that maybe one day when someone asks you about me, you'll reply with anything other than making it seem like the past five years were a joke to you," he says.
"Come on J, let's not be so dramatic," I say holding his arm.
"Tell me how me reacting to what you just told me is dramatic, if anything I should have left a long time ago," he says.
"Don't leave," I say with more desperation than I'd like to admit.
"Give me one good reason why I should leave, because you've given quite a lot of reasons as to why I should go," he says.
"I just need a wake up call," I plead.
"A wake up call for what. For you to realize that you're throwing away something really good. A wake up call to tell you that you've hurt me in ways you don't even realize," he scoffs, "is that what you want?"

I remain silent as the tears start falling down.

He wraps his arms around me when he sees me go silent.

"Hey, no tears now," he says holding my head close to his chest.
"I'm sorry," I mumble into his chest.
"Look, I'm sorry for raising my voice at you," he says.
"In all honesty, I don't want you to leave. I don't want to see you with anyone else. I want you all to myself. But I can't deny that I also need a bit of a breather, five years in the making is a long time to be with someone," I say.
"How do you suggest we get around this? A year? Six months apart? What do you want us to do?" He asks.
"I don't know because I'm scared that everything that happens from here on out is going to push us past the point of no return," I say.
"I don't want to make you choose, but you're going to have to decide whether you want to leave or stay behind and work this through," he says grabbing hold of my hands.
"What do you want me to do?" I ask.
"Obviously, I want you to stay behind and work this out with me, but I don't want you to regret not jumping on that plane to Tuscany ten years down the line," he says.
"I don't want to make this decision," I say as more tears stream down my face.
"Let's do it. 6 months. You can go to Tuscany and do whatever you want and after the 6 months you can decide what you want," he says.
"What about you?" I ask.
"I'll be waiting," he says, "here's your wake up call."

I walked out of our apartment that night knowing that the next 6 months could go one of two ways: realising that Jesse is the one or breaking his heart. And I really hoped that it wouldn't be the latter.

Oh how I hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life.

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