Sweetest Fear

CHAPTER 34

CHAPTER 34

SARRAH'S P.O.V.

To my beloved daughter Sarrah,

How are you my love? I hope you are doing good? How's is Yonggi? I am sure that he has grown into a very bright and cheerful child. I wish I was there to see him grow. I wish I was there with you, to be able to be a grandfather to him and a father to you. I know that it's too late for regrets now because we can never turn back time. I am sorry for being a failure as a father to you. I wasn't able to protect you and your child. I am sorry if I was also the reason why you left the only man you love and the father of your child. It was never my intention to hurt you, but things, as you have known, because of our status is never easy. I didn't know that I became the very person I hated the most, my mother. 

I met your mother when a friend and I watched a musical during our college years and your mom was the main actress. It was love at first sight. I did everything just to gain her attention. It was tough, because a lot of man are courting her at that time, but in the end, with my perseverance she noticed me. You can't imagine how happy I was when she accepted my invitation for a date. It didn't took long before we fell in love with each other. 

I thought everything was going okay, I was ready to introduce her to your grandmother but then things happened. That night I was supposed to introduce her was the night I met my wife. It was an arranged marriage. Your grandmother was against your mother because she came from a family with no name in the corporate world.

I felt devastated and so did your mom. Our only thought was to elope. I loved your mother so much that I am willing to risk everything I had just to be with her. Sounds very cliché but it is the reality we have to face and so we flee. We hid in the province for two months. I tried finding a normal job but unfortunately no one will accept me. It was tough finding money enough to feed the both of us and because I can't find a decent job, your mother started helping out. She accepted odd jobs like doing laundry, baby-sitting, picking tea leaves and cleaning houses. 

I saw how your mother suffered and it broke my heart. I never wanted her to suffer and so I have no other choice but to leave her. Little did I know that it was the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.

Months passed, Lee Soomin and I got married and I was back to my boring corporate life. I feel miserable. I still can't stop thinking about her. Then one day I accidentally run into her in a café. She is one of the waitress. It took me a while to process that the woman I love is now standing right in front of me. I never felt so happy since the day I left her. I was about to approach her when suddenly she walked away and hid behind the counter. 

I noticed something in her changed. Gone was the smile I see on her face every time she sees me, instead I can see cold hostility. It was too painful to see. It felt like thousand of ice picks were piercing my heart. Then I also noticed the small bulge in her belly. I felt my heart skip a beat. I saw how her hand covered her stomach before she went away from the counter. I know that it is mine. She is pregnant and I am sure I am the father. I wanted to talk to her.

I waited for many hours until the café closed but alas! She was nowhere to be found. From then on, I kept coming back to the café but later on I learned that she already resigned. I felt like the world was falling apart. I can't lose her again. I was so devastated that I spend many hours getting drunk in the bar. I lost not the woman I love but also our unborn child. 

When I regained my sanity back, I tried using our connections to look for her but unfortunately no one could find her. She vanished without a trace. Later on, I learned that it was all my mother's doing. She threatened her to leave you in the care of our trusted house helper. She wanted you hidden from the prying eyes of our society. She was afraid that it would cause a scandal and ruin our family's name. She was selfish and I was stupid because I let her control my life. Because of her, I lost the both of you. The only cause of my euphoria.