Sweetest Fear

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 25

SARRAH's P.O.V.

He said he wanted to talk, I agreed and tried to make an arrangement to meet him some other day but he disagreed. He don't trust me. I get that, after all, I did ran away from him not just once but twice, and so he ended up forcing me to take him home with us. Jimin chose to stay behind and return to their hotel for some rest. I know Jimin did that to give us some privacy. He is such a well-mannered guy after all.

I cleared my throat as I glance at the man sitting in the passenger seat with his arms crossed in front of his chest. I am anxious but I don't want to be obvious. Does he know that Yonggi is our son? Will he take him away from me? I hope not, but if in case he does, I will fight him. I will not hand over our son that easily. I nervously licked my lower lip as I check my son at the backseat through the rearview mirror and he is already sleeping, I guess he got really tired from today's adventure. 

"Ahm, so what were you and Jimin doing in the zoo here in New York?" I asked trying to break the ice but as I expected I received no answer, not even a glance. I felt sad by his cold treatment but I can't complain because I know I deserved it. This is all my fault. I heaved a deep sigh and just focus on my driving. After a few minutes, we finally arrived at our small house. I was about to take my son and carry him to bring him inside our house to his room but Yoongi stopped me and he did what I was supposed to do. My heart almost melted at the scene unfolding in front of me. Yoongi, carrying our son, I felt my heart broke into pieces. I felt sorry for denying him the right to be the father of our son all these years, but I know I made the right choice. If I stayed I know that it will bad for him and his career. I don't want to be the one who will be the cause of his failure.

I picked up the door keys from my bag and opened the door to let Yoongi pass with our son in his arms. "Welcome back Ms. Sarrah, so how did your-" Mrs. Kim stopped in her tracks as she eyed the man carrying my son. She threw me a questioning look. I was about to explain something to her when suddenly Yoongi spoke. "Where is his room?" Yoongi turned to me as he cradle our son.

"Second door upstairs but don't worry, I will take him to his room." I replied as I stepped closer to him to get my son back but before I could put my hand to my son, he pivoted and climbed the stairs. I was quite shocked. It took me a few seconds to recover before I decided to follow them. I saw how careful Yoongi was as he put our son down on his bed and tuck him in. The scene was too beautiful that it make me feel something warm spread across my chest. Now, I feel remorse in what I have done. I took away something so precious from Yoongi and from my son. I felt tears started to fall. If only I can turn back time. If only I was a lot braver, maybe, just maybe, we have never been separated for the past five years.

I immediately wiped my tears away the moment Yoongi stood up and started walking towards me. I saw him clenched his jaw as he gave me a cold stare that penetrated deep down my soul. I know saying sorry right now will not be enough, it will never be enough. Words can't make up with the pain I know he's been through. I hung my head down low as I follow Yoongi downstairs. We took a seat in our living room and I can definitely feel hot on my seat. My palms are already sweating. I tried to calm myself as I wait for Yoongi to throw me some questions.

"Would you like to eat or drink something?" Mrs. Kim asked politely the moment she saw us in the living room. "Can you please make some warm matcha milk tea for us and some pastries perhaps?" I requested since Yoongi didn't gave her any reaction, he was just staring at me while running his fingers on his lips. I swallowed hard. I can feel my heart ready to jump out of my chest. I am getting nervous. I don't know if I will be able to tell him the whole truth. I am not really hungry but I need something that will distract me.

"How old is he?" He asked out of nowhere. "What?" I asked blankly. I wasn't ready for that question. "Yonggi, how old is he?" He repeated the question with his deep voice that sent shivers down my spine. God, I didn't know I missed hearing his voice this much. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I responded. "Four." I said in an inaudible whisper. He nodded and stopped talking as if he was deeply thinking. After a few minutes he spoke again as he look at me in the eys. 

"He is my son." It was a statement not a question. I bit my lip as I slowly nodded. "Why did you hide him away from me?" He asked in a low dangerous tone as he leaned forward putting his arms on his thighs and I suddenly got too scared to speak. "Tell me Noona, why did you leave me 5 years ago?" His voice cracked with his last question. I closed my eyes as memories of the past came flooding in and suddenly I felt pain all over again.

 "I have no choice, I-" I am about to explain but he cut me off. 

"B*llSh*t!" He cursed through gritted teeth and stood up. I tried to explain my side but I guess he won't hear any of it since he is too blinded by his anger and hatred of me.

"You always have a choice, but you chose to leave me and hide my son! My son! You are so selfish! You took away five years from our lives." His accusations hit me right through my heart. He is right I took away the chance for them to be together but I was not selfish. Tears are now streaming down my face. How dare he accuse me of being selfish?

"You don't understand! I did it for you!" I replied in defense but he just mockingly laughed at me. I felt hurt with his reaction. Is it too hard to believe that everything I have done was for him?

"For me? You said you did it for me? Do you have any idea how devastated I was when I woke up that day finding you were gone with just a note? A f*cking note without any explanation! And the next thing I knew you were off getting engaged with that f*cking Kim Jinhwan?!" He said furiously as he began pacing in front of me. 

"But the engagement didn't push through, we didn't get married" I refute. I almost choked on my reply because my sobs are getting harder to control.

"Right," He laughed bitterly. "So why did you leave me then? Why didn't you tell me we had a son?" He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes and it hurts me to look at him. I have a lot to say but I don't know where to start. I closed my eyes as I gather my thoughts. I need to tell him everything now or he will hate me forever.