Sweetest Fear

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 17

A tear escaped from my eyes as I finished the song but I immediately turned around and wiped it away. I hope Yoongi didn't see that. I was shocked to be greeted by the loud applause from the customers the moment I turned back around. Even Mr. Jung was standing at the corner with a big smile on his face. He obviously enjoyed our performance. He gave me two thumbs up before he went back to the kitchen. I felt overwhelmed by the reaction of the customers. I immediately forget my dilemma about Yoongi. I was pulled out from my daze when Yoongi stood next to me and held my waist as we bowed together. I looked at him and he gave me a small smile but I can see through his eyes how proud he is. I felt my heart skipped a beat.

"You did well, Noona. I have always loved your voice. I hope I can hear you sing more often." Yoongi whispered. I had goosebumps as I felt a shiver run through my body the moment his warm breath reached my sensitive ears. He is being too close for comfort. I don't like what I am feeling right now. He never took his hands off my waist as we came back to our seats. He pulled my chair and helped me take my seat before he went to his seat across from mine. A true gentleman gesture. I have never thought to receive such treatment coming from him. His compliments and his gestures made my heart race, and I'm starting to have difficulty breathing. I fan myself as I feel the temperature rise to my cheeks. Yoongi looked at me worriedly. "Are you okay, Noona?" Yoongi asked. "Your face is turning red." I swallowed hard and cleared my throat before I spoke as I averted my gaze. "Ye....Yes.... of course! Why wouldn't I be? Maybe it's just the light!" I answered while laughing awkwardly trying to mask what I am truly feeling at the moment. I want to hit my head for stammering. 

A few minutes later, our food arrived. My mouth immediately watered upon smelling the scent of Beef Steak. I heard my stomach rumble. I immediately took my utensils on the table and was about to dig in when Yoongi took my plate and started slicing my steak. He surprised me again. His sweet gestures made my heart melt. I hate to admit this but I am slowly falling in love with him again or wait am I still deeply in love with this guy after all these years?

"Noona, do you have any other plans this afternoon?" Yoongi asked as he slice the meat on my plate. "Nothing really. How about you?" I asked back but he just shrugged his shoulders. "Your comeback is next week right? Aren't you supposed to get ready about it? Plus I heard that you have an upcoming world tour too?" I continuously asked. He put my plate back to me with my steak sliced in tiny pieces. "I am a genius. I can take care of it all. Nothing to worry about." He answered smugly. I just raised my eyebrows at him. Why am I not surprise? I shook my head while trying to hide a smile. "What? Why are you smiling?" He asked while giving me a suspicious look. He looks cuter when he squint his eyes and pout his lips like that. "Nothing." I answered nonchalantly as I continued to eat and savor the delicious flavor of the food. I was on my fourth bite when Yoongi suddenly called my attention. I looked up to him with wonder when suddenly he wiped something at the corner of my lips with his thumb and then sucked it while not breaking eye contact. My eyes went wide with the gesture and I felt my heart almost jumped out of my chest. My throat went dry. I immediately picked up my glass of red wine and drank it in one gulp. D*nm you Min Yoongi! What are you doing to me?

"Noona, it's too early for you to get drunk, or maybe you really want to get drunk so that we-" "Oh shut the f*ck up Min Yoongi!" I cut him off with his teasing and frowned at him, but instead of getting mad at me, he just laughed heartily. I was suddenly mesmerize. I can't stop watching him. I know he is already right in front of me but I suddenly miss him. I miss those days when we are still together, those little things we do and the endless teasing and laughter. I was too caught up with my feelings when something suddenly slipped on my mind.

"Yoongi, why didn't you sign the divorce papers five years ago?" I asked out of the blue. He suddenly stopped laughing and became serious. I hate myself sometimes. I am good in ruining a good and happy atmosphere. I mentally facepalmed myself. He was staring at me for a few minutes without answering, maybe collecting his thoughts. I really want to know the reason. I don't want to keep my hopes up but maybe just maybe he love me too. If I know that he loves me then... I shook my head. No! I must not be swayed. I love him that is why I want to divorce him. Back then, I was really afraid,afraid that I might cause him pain by trapping him in a forced marriage, afraid that my love for him might stop him in chasing his dreams. I was so afraid that my love for him can only cause him pain, and I don't want that. I love him so much that I can sacrifice my own happiness just to make him happy. I know that deep in my heart I could never love someone as much as I love him in this lifetime. I was pulled up from my own thougghts when Yoongi spoke.

"Noona, the truth is-" I looked at him expectantly waiting for a answer that I have waited for five years but unfortunately someone interrupted us. "Yoongi-yah~!" Yoongi and I both looked at the girl who is now standing in front of our table. "Suran Noona" Yoongi suddenly stood up looking all flustered while talking to the newcomer. I look at the one he called Suran and I can't help but feel insecure. She's very pretty with her moss green hair. She looks sexy with her well done hair and make up and her very fashionable outfit. I looked at my out outfit and suddenly I felt very insecure. I don't have any of those. I am just the plain and simple Sarrah. 

"Fancy meeting you here, of all place?! And why haven't you called yet, I miss you a lot already!" I saw her put her hair behind her ear while smiling sweetly to Yoongi. Is it just me or I can feel her desire for my husband? Is she the one who called Yoongi's phone yesterday? I can feel my temper rising, but I need to calm down. No need to be affected, she could be just one of his acquaintance. I notice her looking at me from my head toe too and it annoys the h*ck out of me, but I need to calm myself down. "And she is~" She gestured to me while raising her eyebrows. Yoongi was about to answer but I beat him to it. I immediately stood up and shook her hand while trying my best to smile trying hard not to be disheartened by my own insecurities. 

"Hi, I'm Sarrah. Yoongi's English tutor." I introduced myself in the most professional manner I can. I will not let her or Yoongi see the insecurity in me. "Hi, I'm Shin Suran, a Singer, Song Writer and Producer. Yoongi and I are worked in a project before." She introduced herself while linking her arms to Yoongi's arms. Suddenly I felt suffocated. I can see that they are pretty close seeing how comfortable they are with each other. Wow! She is also a Music Producer, they suit each other well. I gave them a bitter smile. "Nice to meet you Miss Shin Suran." I lied. 

I looked at my watch and gasped feigning shock. "Oh, look at time, I'm sorry but I have to go now, I still have schedule. So, see you around? Bye!" I turned around and walked away as fast as I could. I can hear Yoongi calling my name but I ignored him and I just keep on walking. I can feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces. A tear fell, but I immediately wiped it away. I tried to hold in my tears, but another tear fell and then another. My tears became waterfalls. I tried to stop it but I can't. When my eyesight gets too blurry to even see where I'm heading , I decided to stop walking and sat on a nearby bench as cried my heart out. I don't care if I am currently on the sidewalk. I don't care about those passersby who are now staring at me. All I care about is the pain that is inside my heart. I was drowning in my own misery when I heard footsteps stopped beside me.

"Noona." Yoongi approached me with a soft voice as he sat beside me. "Why are you here? Just leave me alone." I stood up and tried to leave him there, but he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me with him until we reached his car I didn't know was parked a few feet away from us. He pushed me inside his car. I tried to get off his car but the stup*d car is auto locked. "Let me out Yoongi." I ordered him but he ignored me. "Why are you crying? Why did you suddenly leave?" Yoongi asked in a serious tone whitle starting the engine of the car. "What are you doing? Let me out!" I replied without answering. I am afraid of the words than can come out of my mouth. "Tell me Noona, why are you crying?" He looked at me for a few seconds before he stepped on his accelerator and drove the car into thee highway. "Nothing." I lied as I tried to hold my tears. "Stop the car! I want to get out!" I stated through gritted teeth.

"That is bullsh*t!" He hissed. "We both know that is not the truth." He pulled over the road and faced me with a knotted forehead. "For crying out loud Noona, why are you crying and why did you suddenly leave?" He looks so frustrated. "Fine! You want to know the reason! I will tell you!" I yelled back. "Don't tell me that you're jealous?" He scoffed. I clenched my fist and faced him with all my courage. "Yes! You are right! I am jealous! I don't like seeing you with other girls! I know that I have proposed that divorce five years ago, but what can I do? I still love you! I have never stopped loving you! I love you, you stup*d Min Yoongi!"