Memories || The Chronicles of Narnia

9: Let's not say goodbye

Peter took a deep breath as he grabbed his cloak from the back of his desk chair, his heart pounding in his chest as he did.

It was now the next evening, and Peter had said that he would be leaving, and he would do it, no matter how scared he felt.

Susan and Lucy sat on Edmund's bed, staring at him. Both had tears in their eyes but neither wanted to cry for fear of waking Edmund, who was luckily fast asleep, buried beneath the blankets with something of a peaceful smile on his face.

"Who - who's going with you?" Susan whispered after a while.

Peter sighed, smiling slightly as he strapped his sword to his belt. "Philip." He said.

Lucy frowned. "Even after all the journeys he's taken in the last month or two?" She questioned.

"That's what I said to him." Peter mumbled. "But he insisted on taking me, sometimes I feel he thinks he needs to protect Ed as much as I do."

Lucy swallowed hard. "Why can't Aslan go with you?" She mumbled.

But Peter immediately shook his head. "Edmund's gonna find out sooner or later where I've gone and what I'm doing." He explained sadly. "I want as many people here for him as possible, I want Aslan to keep him safe and calm."

Lucy nodded slowly, before leaning lightly against Susan's side, one tear rolling down her cheek.

Peter now found himself ready to leave, and forced back the tears that were now threatening to fall. But he had to do this, no matter what happened to him, or Edmund would die.

Looking across at his brother, Peter hesitantly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, trying his hardest not to wake him.

Swallowing hard he cupped Edmund's face in his hands, choking slightly on the tears he was holding back. He ran his thumbs along Edmund's pale cheeks, before leaning down and placing a kiss to his still burning forehead, moving one hand up to tangle in his dark, thick hair. "I love you Eddy." He mumbled against Edmund's skin. "I'm so sorry about this, but I won't let you die." Hesitantly he sat up, but kept one hand on Edmund's cheek and the other in his hair. That is until he turned to Lucy.

Standing reluctantly from the bed, he reached for her hand and led her across the room and out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

The second the door was closed, Lucy flung her arms around Peter's neck and burst into tears, holding on so tightly Peter thought she'd never let go. "Oh Lu." He murmered, hugging her back just as tightly.

"I'll miss you." She whispered in reply between her sobs, voice slightly muffled against Peter's neck, Peter having actually picked her up into his arms.

"I'll miss you too." Peter murmered.

"How can you miss me if you cant even remember me?" Lucy choked.

Peter's heart shattered. "I'll never truly forget you Lu." He whispered in her ear. "Aslan said perhaps theres a way I can get my memories back."

Lucy hesitantly pulled away as Peter set her back on her feet. "Really?" She asked hopefully.

"Of course." Peter said with an attempted smile.

"That's good." Lucy whispered, lowering her head.

"Do you reckon you could send Susan out?" Peter murmered, feeling slightly sick by this point.

Lucy nodded and didn't say a single thing as she headed back into the bedroom, the door closing quietly behind him.

Peter waited patiently for Susan to join him, and when she did he pulled her into a gently hug.

Susan swallowed hard and hugged him back, burying his face against his shoulder with a shaky sigh.

"Be strong Su." Peter choked. "Never forget that I love you so, so much."

"I - I know Peter." Susan choked. "And I love you too, I'll miss you."

Somehow the words "I'll miss you too" got stuck in his throat, and the only thing he managed to say in reply was: "I know."

Susan hugged Peter tightly for a few more minutes, before hesitantly pulling away.

"You - You should get back before Ed wakes up." Peter whispered.

Susan sighed. "He loves you too Peter." She murmered gently, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know." Peter whispered. "I just wish I could say a proper goodbye."

The word goodbye caused two tears to roll down Susan's cheeks, and she had to fight to keep back a sob. "Let's not say goodbye okay?" She choked. "Just... see you later."

"I'll see you later Su." Peter whispered, wiping at the tears on his cheeks. "Please let Edmund know every day that I love him, and don't let him blame himself, I know he'll try to, but I want you to try and stop him, for me."

"Of course Peter." Susan whispered. "Of course I will."

"Thank you." Peter whispered. "And - And take care of Narnia too, without me I dont know it that puts you in charge, or if Edmund will become high King, but just promise me that between the three of you you'll protect your kingdom?"

"We'll protect our kingdom Peter, I promise." Susan whispered, hardly able to talk around her tears.

"And take care of Lucy and Edmund." Peter mumbled. "They're gonna need you."

Susan shook his head. "They need you Peter." She murmered. "They need their older brother, their oldest sibling."

Peter shook his head. "You have to look after them Su." He choked. "I know I'm putting a lot on your shoulders, but I won't even remember that they're my siblings, so therefore I probably won't even try and protect them when I return, so please, promise me."

Susan hesitated but in the end nodded. "I promise I'll take care of them." She whispered.

Peter gave her a soft smile. "Thank you." He whispered.

Susan smiled gently before nodding a little.

"Peter."

Peter froze completely at the sound of his brothers voice coming from inside the room, followed by Lucy's whispering.

"Go." Susan choked. "I'll come up with an excuse as to why you can't go in to him."

Peter nodded and gave her a grateful smile. "I love you Su, and Edmund and Lucy." He choked. "And thank you all for everything." And with that he dashed down the hallway, tears streaming down his cheeks, telling himself to not look back.

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