bughead || broken

34

It's been about a week , I've tried cleaning myself up , I really have , I even tried cutting out cigarettes , I'm almost there , and I've tried distracting myself to , I went back on the cheerleading team , instead of killing my body with supplements I would kill but in a way that didn't actually harm myself , I feel better now , I'm not all the way there yet but I took what jughead took to consideration, maybe I'd did let myself die and made everyone else watch , I probably wasn't deserving of another chance after everything I did to myself , but this one wasn't just something that I had done , all by myself , and I wanted to make it worth it , and maybe , for the first time in my life , I could wake up and not want to die , I fought for this life so I might as well have made it count ,
The hacker had calmed down a bit , still one person a day but the exposing got worse and worse , less drastic by the day , assuming that they maybe they were preparing for something bigger , everyone was calmed a bit but I still stood on my tippy toes at every chance , today was a pep rally I had to preform at , I was in the locker room changing covering my neck scar with foundation when I backed up and tripped over a backpack , and fell sideways were a mirror was conveniently placed , I crawled to the bench and started panicking while a bunch of blood was gushing through my leg after I pulled out the glass , I was the only one in the locker room so I couldn't ask anyone for the aid kit , and if I stood up I would get blood on the floor , I covered the thing with my hand when I saw some guy go out of the guys locker room I had my head down , when I looked up and saw jughead , "could you hand me the aid kit" he nodded , "this is gonna sting" I layer down and faced the walk while he poured alcohol on my leg , and out a bandage over it , all my overreacting for a bandage , in my defense did I hate blood , "thank you" I said , "anything" , "how you been holding up" he asked , "I've been really well actually" I said before pulling up my sleeve and showing the nicotine patch he slightly smiled at it , "and I haven't thought about offing myself in at least three days" he nodded "I know I was a real dick , and I'm really sorry for that but I'm really proud of you , like actually" , I hugged him and we stayed there for a few seconds , I slowly backed away from him "well I'm on in like 30 seconds I've got to go" , he nodded "yeah I'll see you" I quickly out in my shoe and did the recitation , crazy how they had us doing this in the snow , with only one sweater , then when it was over and we were in the locker room , all the phones randomly dinged , assuming it was just another person exposed I ignored it , until I heard a mass amount of people gasping , I grabbed my phone and opened Instagram , and everyone was sent a link , I clicked on it , and saw a list of everyone's name , when you clicked on it it would show what they did , and more , I quickly went to mine and saw articles and articles , "dad offed himself when she was just eight , and killed her sister , attempted suicide and ended in the loony bin a few times , crazy as fuck , mostly known as jughead Jones girlfriend , Reggie mantle also strangled her just weeks before his disappearance, and ran away and covered it up with help from her mom" I quickly put my backpack away and ran to my car , everyone was going crazy seeing how everyone , and everyone was on that list , now knowing that it wasn't a one person opporation , I sat in my car rocking back and forth , when I heard the door knob trying to open , I turned my head and saw jughead , I unlocked the car "you saw it to huh" , I nodded he sat right next to me , I hugged him and cried for a bit , "i don't know what to do" "well , it's not only you at least , everyone at school got "exposed" yours wasn't deserving but there's hundreds of people in that list , nobody's gonna care " I nodded "you're probably right"I said , "though , it said something about my dad , and you're the only one that knew" "what are you indicating" "nothing I'm just saying , a little odd isn't it"  "same as how they knew about my dad , and how Reggie strangled me , or how I went missing but you wouldn't know about that huh ?" "No , I wouldn't" I nodded and we sat there in quiet for a bit , "do you need a ride" I asked , "I'm not saying that I don't need a ride" , i was in the front of his house , "are you going somewhere" , "yeah" "where" he asked , "just going for a ride" , "oh , can I come"  I nodded , I drove to the bridge I go to every night so that I can read , I sat on the ledge and sat there in quiet for a few minutes , until it felt like the quiet was almost , to loud enough "I'm really sorry , for everything I put you through" "what do you mean" "I was killing my self , and I made you and everyone around me watch , every day" "you don't have to apologize , not to me at least" he said "it hurt the most knowing that I hurt you , I never wanted to do that" "it doesent matter , we don't have to talk about it because all that matters is that you're better now , right" i turned my face to him , and we stared at each other for a second or two before he kissed me , I put my head on his shoulder and we sat there , a feeling I wished could last a eternity