bughead || broken

24

it was after school a few days later and Kevin was leaving my house after I told him about the whole jughead bathroom thing , and I looked out my window to see jughead walking up to Kevin I saw a sharp thing in his hand , I ran out my house and before jughead did anything I hugged him and told Kevin to run , the only way he could go to chase after Kevin was if he'd scratch me with the edge of knife because I had the tip in my hand , "I know you wouldn't hurt me " I said , he nodded , "cmon let's go on a walk" we were walking to pops and just slightly talked , I sat at the booth and ordered my food , he looked surprised when I started eating "you're eating?" "No I'm putting fries in my mouth and chewing on them then digesting them" "you know what I mean" he said , "well yeah , I'm better" "so where were you, minus the bullshit England excuse" "I coudnt tell you if I wanted to , other wise I would go back , but it was some hospital, for people like me , everyone there understood one another , I didn't feel alone anymore " he nodded "and Kevin is gay , we're just friends" "I feel like such a fucking idiot" "yeah , I would to" we talked at that pops for a few hours , I poured my heart out to him , again "I'm sorry that I did all that to you and made you feel like you did something in the world truth be told I knew I didn't deserve you , I did what I felt was best , in the future I think you'll thank me for it" "that's were you're wrong" he said , "You think that now because you're madly in love with me , but one day you're gonna knock on my door and thank me , you can't handle my mental stablility and I can't stand the fact that you could actually love me " "o can handle you're mental stablility , I've done it the last year" "but was it easy?" He shook his head , I nodded "another reason why you'll thank me" "all relationships have ups and downs" "ok well we murdered 5 people you tried stabbing my "boyfriend" I'm a homicide maniac when I want to be , being in a relationship makes me feel trapped , I told you this at the beginning." He nodded , "but anyways , our whole relationship doesn't have to be about love and all that weird stuff , you know" "yeah" "quite frankly I don't think I'm the person that you fell in love with , I was vulnerable I was hurt and I clanged into any form of affection like ever , you were the only person in my life and I was tired of being alone , i was always alone " I slightly smiled as I said "I remember sometimes I would take all the chairs out the house and pretend that I lived alone , so that my mom being gone all the time and Charles being god knows we're didn't bother me as much , now my mom is just raising me off affluenza " "what was up with the whole Kevin kiss thing" he asked "well I "dated him" so that it could make you mad because I thought I was jealous then you ended up loving me and I realized I couldn't love you back" "tragic" I nodded , "well that's life it's gonna turn around and stab you in the back just for you to realize that this whole time you let it, but I think in this scenario, I'm life , I made you fall in love with me just based off the person I used to be , but you did everything right and that's why I can't understand why I simply can't love you and for that I'm sorry , I truly am" "i have to learn to move on " I nodded "and you will , Chances are you're gonna live longer than me , and I'll just be a fever dream" "do you genuinely thing you'll never fall in love , or even consider dating in the future" he asked ,"well , I think that the future that has always been projected into me was that I would go to college , meet some guy that would provide for my children , and every day for the rest of my life I would be a stay at home mom , in a white suburban neighborhood and that's the scariest feeling in the world , that I can't pack my bag and leave after a year or so , I'm a bird in a cage , I can't be tamed , and I'd rather die than be stuck in the same place with someone I can't love , so I guess the Awnser to you're question is , no , no I just can't and I can't say yes because It wouldn't be true so I'm not gonna say it at all , and one day in a year or so one we're both in college , in our own paths you're gonna realize that you would be miserable if you were with me , and that day you can give me a call , and you're gonna thank me for it" "I don't except you to not leave me , or not hurt me because either way it's gonna hurt , all I'm asking for is for a chance , and the second you get bored or me you can go , pack you're bag and leave , anytime it's you're call" "well I've tried that and it's obvious you can't accept that , and it's fine I can't either , and you did everything right but I don't know why I can't meet you half way , you're the sweetest man I've ever know , and I'm so grateful and so proud that I got to spend the last year of my life surrounded bye you , but I'm like a fish in someone's hand , I'm if I stay in there hand for to long , I'm gonna die , I need to be put back in the water , I need you to set me free , and I can do the same for you" he slightly looked down "but We don't have to end it , I just have to end the romantic aspect , "but you're truly my best-friend , and I love you in that sense , and that is why I can let you go , because I love you and know that you have so much waiting for you , and I do to , but that's only if I'm free"
    "I remeber when I watched breakfast at Tiffany's, and you told me that it's been you're favorite movie since you were a little girl , and I think I can now see why , in the words of your own favorite movie "you claim you're a free spirit but you're terrified someone's gonna stick you in a cage and love you , no matter we're you are , or who you're with or what you're doing , you're always gonna run into yourself." he said before he slid a hard drive across the table and walked out the diner , I was hesitant to grab it but I picked it up , and after a few minutes I decided to go home , and I opened my computer, and I felt anxious as I slid the hard drive in , it was a collection of videos that he'd recorded of me , I cried before I shut my computer , and sat on my bed whilst I cried , I walked out my house in the pouring foggy weather , I knocked on his door and hugged him , "I'm really sorry" we stood there for a while I slightly backed away and our faces touched for a while , like we were about to kiss , I slightly backed away from him "it's okay betty , it's okay" he said before he walked back into his house