bughead || broken

36

It was the next couple of days and I had made up my mind , I knew what I wanted to do , what I had to do , it was nighttime and it was raining , I called jughead from the dock next to the river , "hi" "hey what's up" "can you come to the dock" "I'm a little busy right now" he said , "what are you doing" "I'm just at archies house with some friends " "oh alright , just let me know when you're not busy" I said , "what are you doing at the dock right now anyways , it's pouring rain and like 20 degrees" "no reason" I said with a snuffled nose due to the cold and me already being sick" "Im on my way betty" "stay with you're friends I wouldn't want to ruin that for you" "can you just tell me what you're doing"  "oh nothing , I just wanted to talk , but it can wait"  "alright well I'll see you soon then"  "okay" I said , I laid on the dock and eventually fell asleep , soaked in raid and freezing so much to the point were I couldn't move , later on I felt someone pick me up , with my arms in my sweater and uncontrollable shaking I opened my eyes a little to see jughead , I was in the back of his car while he took off my drenched sweater and putting on his , I blinked and suddenly I felt the comfort of his room , I couldn't stop my body from feeling frozen , like I needed to be defrosted , I was on his bed with at least 3 blankets on me when he laid right next to me , "what were you trying to do" "I don't know" I whispered  "so you probably just got hypothermia for zero reason at all" , "I don't think we should see each other , anymore" "what do you mean" " I don't know who I am and neither do you , I can't feel emotion anymore , I would freeze to death to make me feel human , and have the reassurance that I'm not a psychopath , but I don't know that" "did I do anything to make you feel any different about me " "one day you're gonna meet someone that makes you realize that there's nothing wrong with you , but it's not me , I tried really hard to be able to work this out , but I can't , and one day you'll settle down with some Lovely woman , who is sure of who she is , and we're she wants to be , but it's not gonna be me , ever , and it's certainly not you , you were the greatest person I could ever ask for , for the longest you were my escape from reality , and I'm so glad I had the pleasure of knowing you" he nodded "I don't understand" "For so long I never understood the term that you can't love someone before you learn to love yourself , because I love you so much that sometimes it hurts , and I hated myself , but I realized , that I channeled all my love into you , and I had no room for myself , I'm going through my metamorphosis and I'm becoming a butterfly , but your my cocoon , and I need you to let me go , but thank you for protecting me while I blossomed into who I'm becoming , but I'm not who you fell in love with" he nodded , I got up and put back on my shoe , before I left we hugged each other for a few seconds , a moment I wish that would last a eternity