Always & Forever

Chapter 72, "Exhausted"

Harry's POV

I can't believe that just happened. I really fucked up this time. Big time. I waited too long and was blind to see that Jayda was slipping away. She's been slipping away. I've been so focused on myself all this time without giving her enough attention. Why do I always stand in the way of my own happiness?

I couldn't fight back the tears that escaped as Zayn drove to god knows where. He was crying too but I couldn't bring myself to look at him or speak. I'm too angry. At myself, at him, at Jayda, at Kara, hell even at Zayn. I love Jayda so much and I know I don't show it as much as I should, but I never thought she would question my love. Have I really been that bad?  We fucked up. We fucked up badly.

Jayda's POV

I walked upstairs alone to talk to Hannah and Hendrix. Jade and Z'jack are too young to understand anything as of right now, and I just hope everything's okay by the time they start asking questions.

Kara offered to come with me, but I need to handle this on my own. I met the kids in their room and gathered them into my arms.

"Mommy why are you crying?" Hannah asked.

"Okay I need to talk to you two about something serious okay and I need you to try your best to understand. Can you do that for me?" I started.

"Okay."

"Your dad and I have been separated for a year now. We have decided that we should take more of a permanent break. You see, your mom has been trying really hard to be strong for everyone. You, everyone downstairs, and even your dad but it has become really exhausting for me. It's really hard for me to be the only one looking after you both. I know that you guys have seen how he hasn't been around as much, but that's not because he doesn't love you. He loves you very much and he's just trying to build a future for you both. He has fun with his job, but that doesn't mean you guys are any less important." I spoke.

Hannah was now sobbing and I pulled her closer to me. Hendrix just listened intently.

"Who's there to love you mommy?" Hendrix asked, making me want to just break down.

"Well it's not about me baby and that's also part of why we are taking a longer break. I want you both to know that this isn't your fault. You both are surrounded by so much love okay? I would never keep you away from your dad. Please know that you are loved and you can ask me anything. You can talk to both of us."

"Do you guys still love each other?" Hannah sniffed.

I stopped for a minute before answering. "All I can say is that I still love your dad. That will never change. I will always be in love with him, but I can't do that if it's hurting me in the process. I can't do it alone. Love is a two way street and it can only take you so far. Always remember that. There's so much more needed in a relationship and some parts were missing and that's okay. Now, I don't want you treating him any differently okay? Your dad is still the most amazing person I've ever met and he's so kind. He's an amazing person but sometimes, people can get lost."

"Is it permanent?" Hendrix asked, tears beginning to escape his face.

"I don't know baby. I don't know. I hope not." I answered truthfully. "However, if you see mommy beginning to open up to someone new, don't feel sad. That doesn't mean I love your father any less. I love you both so much okay?"

"Mhm." they whimpered, and I kissed their heads.

I tucked them in and then whispered to Hendrix before he went to sleep. "You don't have to be strong for me okay? But please, make sure your sister is okay when I can't? Hendrix you can always talk to me and I don't want you thinking you have so much on you. You're young baby. You don't need to be worried about me, I'll be fine." I smiled.