Always & Forever

Chapter 82, "Starting from scratch"

"Can everyone leave for a few please?" Harry asked all of a sudden.

They all obliged and left the room, leaving just the two of us. He came closer to me and held my hand tightly.

"Jayda. Talk to me. What's going on?" he said in a soft voice.

"It hurts Harry. I can't do this-"

"Yes you can Jayda."

"No let me finish. I can't do this without you Harry." I said, tears streaming down my face.

I looked deeply into his eyes and that's when I realized how much I've missed him. His gaze enlarged on me and I knew he was confused.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but I can't be without you. I can't live, breathe, or be okay. I love Corbyn so much but there's always going to be something inside of my that lounges at the sight of you. Misses your voice, your laugh, just your presence. I wish so badly that I could just forget everything and go be happy with Corbyn, but it's not in me. But you....you have put me through so much Harry," I continued, crying harshly now. "And Corbyn....Corbyn's so good to me and treats me like I'm the only thing that matters, but all I've ever wanted was you. Always and forever"

"You did this because of me?"

"I did this because I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to hurt Corbyn and I don't want you to hurt either. Things would be better if I was just out the picture."

"That's not true. How do you think we would feel if you were gone Jayda? There wouldn't be a day, hour, or second that would go by that I wouldn't think of you. Jayda my life revolves around you."

"I'm so sorry Harry. For putting you through everything that I did. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't mean to hurt anyone."

"I know that Jayda. We all know that." he said, pushing the hair out my face.

"I need help Harry. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know."

"We'll get you help Jayda. Whatever you need. Whatever you want. But you're not leaving do you understand? You made a promise to me and I expect you to uphold it. Okay?"

"Okay." I sniffed. "Can you grab Corbyn for me please?"

"Of course."

I'm not ready for this. Corbyn walked in and I'm pretty sure he sensed the energy in the room. He shut the door behind him and walked towards me. His eyes looked glossy which made it even harder to look at him.

"Corbyn..." I cried.

"Shhhh....I already know beautiful. It's okay. I love you so much Jayda. Too much to ever be mad at you or jeopardize our bond. Thank you for showing me that I can be happy. Thank you for letting me be one of the few to get your unconditional love. Thank you for caring, for being there, for trusting me, and most importantly, for allowing yourself to be happy too. You deserve it Jayda and I told you I would always be here and I will. Whatever you need and whenever you need it. You are amazing Jayda. Don't feel bad for me okay? I knew what I was getting myself into and I will be okay. You have me enough happiness to last a lifetime. You did not break me alright? You made me better and I'm forever grateful love." he smiled, tears beginning to leave his eyelids.

"I'm so sorry Corbyn. I promise my love for you is real."

"Don't apologize Jayda. I know. All I ask is that you never self harm yourself again. That's not you. You are strong and will get through this."

"You're not mad at me? You don't hate me?"

"I could never hate you Jayda. Never."

"Thank you Corbyn. I won't do it again. I'm sorry for scaring you."

He looked at me and then lowered his head to kiss me on the lips. He started to pull away and so grabbed his face.

"Not yet...please."

He obliged and pressed his lips back onto mine. I held his face as salty tears collided from both of our faces.

"I love you C." I said, letting go.

"I love you too beautiful." he smiled.

3 days later...

I've been at home for two days now and have been seeing my psych everyday along with taking some new medication. Harry has been checking up on me a lot to make sure I'm okay and what not, but nothing serious has happened. I don't know what this means for us honestly, but I don't want to rush into anything.

Kara has been watching me like a hawk lately. She's really worried but I assured her not to be. I will be okay. I have to be no matter what. Corbyn has came by a few times a day to just make sure I'm staying on top of my stuff, helping with the kids, and even sitting with me through my sessions. We're friends. Starting over really. I've also checked on him to see how he's doing and he's good. He may even have a potential love interest.

I genuinely consider him as my best friend. I could never turn back on the history we have with each other and I don't ever want to lose him. Kara surprisingly hasn't asked much about us, but I'm sure that'll break soon.

Apparently I have some major depression issues so I'm just taking it slow. One day at a time. I don't know what the next chapter of my life will hold, but I just pray it withholds good things. I can't take anymore heartache, heartbreak, damage, or anything.

"How are you feeling?" Kara asked.

"I'm okay for the one millionth time Kara."I laughed, staring at the ceiling.

"What are you doing then?" she asked, laying down next to me.

"I'm thinking."

"About?"

"Life. And no it's nothing like that. Anyways, you and Jonah? What's going on there?"

"Nothing much honestly. I've been here as you know. We've been out a couple times but that's it."

"You can leave the house you do know that right?"

"I don't know about that."

"You can. I'm fine. See? I'm here and well. Stop worrying about me Kara."

"I could never, however if you are completely sure."

"I am. I'll be starting work soon anyways so there will be no need."

"Work? Are you sure that's a good idea? You're not supposed to be taking on bug stressors."

"Work isn't a stressor for me. If anything, it calms me. Besides, my psych said it was okay. What is a stressor though is you stressing over me. Now scoot so I can get some sleep please."

"Whatever." she laughed.

I got under my covers and laid down, Kara facing me.

"Jayda?"

"Hm?" I said, my eyes closed.

"I'm proud of you."

I opened my eyes to see her staring at me. "For what?"

"For being strong. You are the strongest woman I know you know that?"

"I doubt that but thanks."

"You are. Now, get some sleep love bug."

I laughed and turned back over. Here's to a new start....