Always & Forever

Chapter 57," Yacht Part 5"

Jayda's POV

I finished with whoever that man was and went back to the deck of the boat. I feel sick. There's just too much going on. I know I should feel bad and regret what Louis and I did, but I don't. Maybe it needed to happen so we could both just move on from the fantasy we both shared. Just like that kiss with Zayn, it was closure and it just made me realize how much I love Harry. But I guess I was the only one in the love boat now, no pun intended.

I walk towards the sounds of the waves and just took them in for a moment. Obviously what I did wasn't right, but it doesn't change the fact that I know where my heart lies. It felt good in the moment though. It felt new and exciting; just how it was when Harry and I first met.

I laid down on the deck floors and stared up at the stars. I heard a body come next to me and I looked over to find Kara with a bright smile on her face.

"What are you so cheesy for?" I asked.

"Oh nothing...."

"Kara what did you do?"

"Fine, you got me. I kinda finished what I started with Niall...." she exhaled, making me raise up quickly.

"No way. You didn't." I said. "Well details..."

"Girl....it was mind blowing. Amazing. Phenomenal....." she started, not finishing the rest.

"But...but it wasn't Zayn" I asked.

"But it wasn't Zayn." she huffed.

"I feel that." I laughed, laying back down.

"You're not safe either. You and Louis? What's that about?" she asked, and I could feel the smirk on her face.

"I don't know really. It was obviously just a one time thing, but it's like in a way....we both needed that. We both needed that with each other. Louis is....so kind, so sweet, always here for me, and it was....breathtaking but...." I explained.

"But it wasn't Harry?" she finished my sentence.

"But it wasn't Harry." I sighed.

"I know how you feel. I honestly don't know how or even if Zayn and I can get passed this. I hope so, but you never know. I don't think I could touch him again." she said.

"Hmm. Harry just makes me....he makes me so fucking angry. He does whatever he wants to do you know, then expects me to just be okay with it. I know what I did was wrong clearly, but when he does stuff like that....there's always double meaning under it. It's like, at least I still know who I love." I explained.

Kara scooted closer to me and held my hand. "We know who you love Jayda. Nobody on this boat can question your love for Harry, not even the bastard himself. If I was in your shoes, I could see why you allowed it." she assured.

"Well, why do you think I did?"

"I think you allowed it, actually I know you allowed it because Harry has always been your firsts. He takes the lead role in every spot possible. You were a virgin before him and you decided to share that with him. He's your first real boyfriend, and not to mention he's the one that brought you into the spotlight. Everything y'all did before marriage were first for you, but it wasn't for him. So I get it. I think you just wanted to know what it felt like with someone other than him. I think you just wanted to feel that rush."

"Although all that is true, it doesn't make it right. I'm a horrible wife either way."

"Jayda girl, look where we are. We're on a boat that you bought for Harry. You have treated him like your king since day one and have never not once stopped loving him. You've been patient, you've been understanding, and you've loved him with your whole being. I don't know how because I hate to say it but he doesn't always treat you the way you need to be treated. You do so much for him and get not even half of that back. If I was you, I wouldn't feel ashamed. You needed that sis. You needed to know how it felt to truly and deeply be wanted. Now you know and you go demand it with your husband. He's a dumb ass anyway. I wish I would let someone like you get out of my grasp." Kara laughed at the last part.