These Violent Delights

Chapter 22: The Heart Wants Dick

Your satisfaction didn't last long.

As soon as you were alone with Carlisle, he held up a long, sharp instrument. "Alright, let's get started." He extended his other hand for you to take. "It won't take long, and it won't hurt. I promise."

Thankfully he wasn't wrong; the test was quick and painless. All he had to do was prick your finger for a droplet of blood and squeeze it into his medical device thingy. Waiting for the results, though? That's when you started to panic, and two minutes in, you had to excuse yourself to the refresher. You tried to look calm as you walked to Kylo's closet, but the moment you were inside, you jogged down the mini hallway that led to his refresher. After the door slammed closed, you gripped the sink and leaned in, ducking your head and pulling deep breaths in through your nose.

Steady.

But the more you tried to calm down, the more you started to panic. You forced yourself to straighten your spine, looking around his bathroom to try and distract yourself. The first thing you noticed was the absence of a mirror altogether, and a new, floating shelf of your toiletries beside his sink. You raised your brows, pawing at some fancy-looking moisturizer that probably cost more than what your liver would go for on the black market. As you carefully set it down, you couldn't help but think the gesture of putting your stuff in here was kind of...nice.

After that, you used the restroom, brushed your teeth, and attempted to brush out the knots in your hair, but there were only so many things you could do to waste time before you had to step outside and face the truth. The moment you opened the door, you heard Carlisle talking, which could only mean one thing—Kylo was back. Unfortunately.

Heart jumping to your throat, you took your time walking the length of the closet. Finding out the results were terrifying enough, but to do so under the Supreme Leader's scrutinizing gaze? You'd rather fucking not.

"I must say, I am honored that you requested my services, Supreme Leader," you heard Carlisle say from the bedroom. "Droids these days...they are exceptional at what they do, but you still can't beat human touch."

"Indeed, Doctor."

As silence hung in the other room, you finally emerged through the door frame, playing with your fingers as you looked at Carlisle. He immediately addressed you—bless that man—to ease your worries. "Negative," he said, giving you a smile. "You're in the clear."

As you made your way to the bed, the exhale you released made you feel a million pounds lighter. "Holy fucking fuck. Thank you."

"Sure thing." Carlisle swung his bag over his shoulder, looking between you and the Supreme Leader, who was leaning against the wall by the bath. "Is there anything else I can do for either of you?"

You hesitated as you plopped down on the mattress, looking at Kylo, then the hot, steaming tub beside him. You wouldn't hate it if this ungodly hot doctor wanted to give you a bath, and seeing as how your captor knew that, it would be a sure way to piss Kylo off, which was always fun. Alas, he opened his big, stupid mouth before you could respond.

"You've done enough," Kylo said, pushing himself off the observation glass. "We will be in touch."

"Very well, Supreme Leader," he said, bowing his head. He shot you a quick look of sympathy. "Feel better, dear. Spend the day in bed if you can. The shot I gave you will help, but bouts of dizziness can still come and go."

You nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

He flashed you a brilliant smile. "Please, call me Carlisle."

Before you could respond, Kylo approached, making it clear that it was time for him to take his leave. You rolled your eyes after they turned their backs to you and walked out of the bedroom, heading for the exit. It only took seconds after the doctor left that Kylo made his way back to you, his stiff shoulders filling up the entire door frame of his bedroom.

"You think antagonizing me is a good idea?"

You spoke casually as you hopped off the bed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

As you walked toward the tub, you could see him follow you in the reflection of the glass. "Oh?"

"Mhm," you said, bending forward to feel if the water was still warm. You pulled your hand back fast—your dumbass missed the fact that it was still steaming— and when you stood up straight, you felt the blood rush to your head. Blowing a powerful exhale through your lips, you were forced to step around the tub to lean against the glass.

Kylo sauntered over to you, his hands behind his back. "So?"

"So, what?" you snapped as you prayed that the wall was enough to keep you upright.

He stepped in front of you. "Are you satisfied?"

"With what?"

"The reaction you tried so hard to get out of me," he stated as he took another step forward. "Are you satisfied?"

You shot him an agitated look. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you thinking very loudly, very thoroughly about getting fucked."

You scoffed. "Maybe you should get outta my head if you don't wanna see things like that," you said as another wave of sickness hit you. Feeling heavy-limbed, you tried to move around him to get to the tub. "I don't want to do this right now. Get out of my way."

Kylo grabbed your arm, stopping you beside him. He looked down at you from the tip of his nose. "I'm glad you're satisfied, but I am not."

You tried to yank free. "Let go."

He tightened his grip on you. "Not until you tell me you won't antagonize me again."

"No promises."

The way he said his nickname for you sounded like a threat. "Kitten."

"Jabba," you shot right back, holding his charged glower. After tense silence that felt like it dragged on for eons, Kylo finally let you go, stepping to the side. You hurried to get around him, but when you lifted your hands to untie your gown in the back, you felt the floor tilt again, your head spinning, your heart pounding, and the corners of your vision dotting black...

Kylo gripped both sides of your waist from behind. "This way," he uttered, voice low in your ear as he moved you to the observation wall. "Hands on the glass."

"Why?" you asked, suddenly loopy as fuck, your head rolling as you tried to look at him. "Whoa."

He hushed you, moving quickly to untie the closure at the back of your neck, sloping your gown to one side. Once that was just a pile of fabric at your feet, he unhooked your bra with one hand, sliding the straps down your shoulders one at a time, and tugged it off. Your cheeks burned, but you couldn't tell if it was because he was seeing you naked—again—or because Ava's evil tea was still raging havoc in your system. Either way, you let out a groan.

"Almost done," he said, dipping his thumbs into the sides of your underwear, pulling them down. He squatted behind you, tapping your ankle to signal you to step up. You obeyed with caution, head still fuzzy, but then you saw the reflection of him bundling them up in his palm to stuff them in his pocket, snapping you to attention.

"Hey, I saw that," you said, spinning around to face him. When you realized you had moved just a little too fast, you stumbled back to press yourself against the wall again, but still tried to give him your best glare. "Give those back, or, or..."

"Or else?" he offered, his lip twitching up in amusement.

You narrowed your eyes at him the best you could. "Yes."

He fanned his arm out and lifted his robes away from his body, revealing a peek of your panties balled up in his pocket. "Take them from me."

You looked down at the bulge they made, right next to the other bulge centered in his pants. You tentatively extended your hand to reach for them, but you stopped yourself, giving him a repulsed look instead. "You're a sicko, you know that?"

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly, nodding and dropping his arm by his side. He took one step closer to you. "I also know that, deep down, you like that I want to keep you for myself. That I want to do disgusting things to you. You don't just like it..." he started, eyes hungrily roaming the length of your body, "you need it."

Your voice wasn't nearly as convincing as you wanted it to be. "That's not true."

"It is. It's why you let me have my way with you that first time—no, begged me to have my way with you. The fucked up part of you likes that we hate each other but still have an undeniable connection. Go on, look at me and tell me that I'm lying."

Your eyes fell to his chest—you weren't sure you could do that. "Move, please. I want to take—"

"Fine. If you won't be honest, I will," he said, stepping even closer until your bodies were almost touching. You could feel him hovering above you but you still couldn't meet his gaze. "I want you, Kitten. I want you in every way possible. I want to see the deepest, darkest parts of you. I want to devour them, just as I want to do to you, and while I claim no stake in royalty, that doesn't mean I wouldn't sit you on my face right now to wear your thighs like a crown."

Thump, thump, thump. You swallowed, electricity flowing between the heat of your bodies as you felt him peering down at you. But you forced to keep your eyes down. If you looked at him, you didn't know what you'd do. Not when a fierce pool of desire was flooding your lower belly at his admittance. "Excuse me," you finally whispered, "I'd like to take my bath now."

After letting the tension mount between you two, Kylo stepped back to dip into a low, mocking bow. "Princess."

Shakily, you walked past him to step into the bath. You felt hot everywhere, and even through the thick haze that still clung to your head, you couldn't mistake the pulsing need between your thighs. But you ignored it, grabbing either side of the tub to try and lower yourself gracefully. Alas, the universe had other plans, because halfway down, you fell in with a big plop—something you pretended you meant to do.

You heard him crouch behind you. "Lean all the way back."

Kylo sighed when you ignored him, his hands falling on either side of your head to collect your hair in his hands. You turned to face him, wobbly, giving him the stink eye from over your shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Drowning you. Clearly," he said, deadpan. When you narrowed your eyes at him, aggravation flickered across his face. "I am getting your hair wet so I can wash it. You do not need to resist everything I do." He gave a hard jut of his chin toward the bath. "Turn around."

It didn't take long for you to listen. You still felt hot and agitated, and all you wanted to do was sink into this big, beautiful tub and not move for hours. But before you could get comfortable, Kylo grabbed your hair, tugging it slowly, and lowered you down, running his fingers over your scalp as he saturated it underwater. After lifting your head, he wrung out your hair, then gathered it outside the tub and gently directed you to lean back against the rim. You slid down, letting out a deep sigh as the hot water cradled your sore, fatigued body. Once the waves lapping at your chin settled, his fingertips prodded at your scalp, lathering in something that smelled fucking amazing, and you finally felt yourself relax.

Over the next few minutes, the black cloud of hostility between you two dissipated. You couldn't tell if it was because you were exhausted, or because Kylo was massaging your scalp like it was his fucking calling. Either way, you thought you'd ascend into the fourth dimension any second now. His touch was so good, you were able to disconnect, to really let go. The lack of hatred you should have been harboring toward him didn't even matter. All that mattered was that you felt better than you had in years, even with the cyanoxis still frolicking through your system. So much so that you begged him to keep going when he stopped.

"Soon," is all he said, gliding a comb through your hair.

You pouted the entire time he brushed through the knots, and when he began dividing your hair into smaller sections, your lashes fluttered closed as your toes curled at the sensation. Nobody had played with your hair since you were a kid, when your mother taught you how to split it into two buns, but you could tell Kylo was braiding it. A small sigh passed through your lips as you began to nod off, each light scrape on your scalp coaxing you closer and closer to sleep. But moments later, you were thrust back into consciousness when he dropped your braids into the water, one on each side of your head.

"Done." He paused. "Do you want me to continue?"

You yawned, bringing your hands up to smooth your palms over his handiwork. You raised your brows in surprise. The braids didn't only feel neat, they felt perfect. "Wow, thanks."

"Mhm." Another pause. "Yes or no, Kitten?"

You thought about it for a second. You did want another scalp massage, but you also didn't want to deal with your crazy ass hair again. "Nah, it's okay. They're too perfect to mess up."

You heard him shuffle behind you as though he were rolling up his sleeves, then he dipped his hands beneath the water, gripping your shoulders to massage you with firm strokes. "What about this?"

"Oh, fuck." Your neck lolled to the side as he worked you into complete and utter oblivion. "That's good."

Kylo sounded amused. "I'll take that as a yes."

You didn't respond right away. You didn't want to open your mouth and say what you were really thinking—that this was a bad idea—because you didn't want it to end. His hands were manipulating your body in ways you had never felt before. You had to work very, very hard to keep your tone steady. "You're good at this."

With a hum of acknowledgment, he gripped you harder as to prove a point that, yeah, he knew. You bit back a moan, trying not to sound like a horny psycho as your breathing became erratic. "Not only this, but the braiding, too. You're better at it than I am."

He didn't respond. Besides your occasional whimpered breathing and the slosh of water as he moved his hands to knead you, silence expanded between the two of you. And in that silence, something surfaced that you wished would fuck right off, because all you wanted to do was enjoy this sliver of bliss without overthinking and without remembering the not-so-blissful reality of your situation. But of course, because you usually ruined everything, you opened your big mouth and said something ripe with accusal.

"Why are you so good at this?"

He didn't offer an answer right away, causing you to stiffen as you considered the reason why—he had done this with all of his prisoners before you. "Never mind," you mumbled, dipping deeper into the bath and wishing you could just slip right through it to evade your own audacity. "Don't answer that."

By the time Kylo replied, it had been so long, you thought he'd never speak again. "I was seven the first time I saw a hologram of my grandmother," he murmured, using his thumbs to work out a knot in your neck. "Her hair...it was unlike anything I had ever seen. It amazed me. I begged and begged and begged my mom to let me braid her hair, and eventually, she said yes. I was horrible at it, at first. But with time, I got better. I even enjoyed it." He hesitated. "It's one of the few fond memories I have of my mother."

Your heart dropped to your ass. You weren't expecting him to say something so...sweet, so human. "Oh," you said lamely. "That's...nice."

Kylo was quiet for a few moments. "You thought I did this with all my prisoners."

"No, that wasn't it," you shot back, defensive as you shifted in the bath. Then a heat crept up your cheeks as you bit your lip. Unable to curb your curiosity, you fidgeted with your hands under the water. "Well...do you?"

Kylo sighed. "No, Kitten. I do not."

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say— "You just let them sleep in your bed, then."

His hands stilled on your neck. "Where are you getting that from?"

"Like an hour ago, you told me that's when you do sit-ups in the dark, or whatever."

"I was referring to you," Kylo explained very slowly as he began massaging you again. "The sleeping guest in my bed."

"I know that, but—ugh, never mind," you mumbled, with a less-than-ladylike grunt. You wished you could go back and stop yourself from even mentioning this. Now you just sounded like a crazy prisoner, jealous over Kylo Ren's former hostages, after you just got mad at him for being jealous about Drox. You grimaced. I hate it here.

"You're adorable when you're jealous." You could hear the smirk in his voice.

Lies, lies, lies. "I am not jealous."

"And I am not the Supreme Leader of the galaxy," he said sarcastically, sliding his hands outwards to cup your shoulders. "Now, relax. You're getting yourself all riled up for nothing. You need to rest."

But you couldn't relax. Not when you were acutely aware of the amusement in his voice—fondness, even—and the way he so tenderly rubbed you down in the bath he drew for you. "Why are you being so nice to me?" you blurted, earning a defeated sigh from Kylo. "It's weird. You're being weird."

"I'm not being nice to you."

"Um..." you started, water splashing as you lifted a hand to gesture toward the tub, "yes, you are."

"You smelled like vomit," he said, distracted as his fingertips manipulated your neck. "This was a favor for both of us."

"No," you said, giving a slight, but stubborn, shake of your head. "I'm not just talking about the bath—I'm talking about you almost killing Hux for me, and my new quarters with the muffins, and the whole, I'll take your pain away thing from last night, and how you carried me all the way here just to let me sleep in your bed. And then there's the broth and your dead-but-still-super-royal grandmother's diary that you gave me before you took off work to care for me, and don't think I didn't notice that new shelf of my stuff in your refresher or how a tub magically appeared in your room the same night you brought me here. And now, after braiding my hair all cute and nice, you're massaging me just to make me feel better—not to be kinky or weird—and it's just...I don't know, you're not being unpredictable, which, thanks, I guess, but you being nice is a little unsettling, okay?"

"Would you prefer if I was kinky and weird, instead?"

You scoffed. "After all that, that's the only thing you heard?" He chuckled, and you let out an exasperated exhale. "Forget I even asked."

Silence filled the room again, and eventually, you stopped trying to figure everything out, instead taking his advice and relaxing. Enemy or not, he had a way with his hands, and as the minutes ticked by, he took his time with your wet shoulders, neck and arms. You couldn't help the way your body responded to him. His touch remained respectful, not suggestive in any way, and yet, you were the one that tensed, trying to avoid the impure thoughts surfacing in your mind.

Even with the vibrator he so considerately provided for you, you still felt deprived of the pleasure you craved. And while you hadn't spent a whole lot of time with Kylo ever since you agreed to behave—and came on his hand—that connection was still there. The feelings that surfaced after you first saw his face, those terribly powerful emotions that had driven you wild while he was on Exegol as he visited you within your dreamscape...they were still fucking there.

It was even worse now as he touched you in all the ways you needed. It was so powerful, so all-consuming, you couldn't stop your back from arching, your legs parting as you let them fall against the sides of the tub. Kylo's hands remained latched onto your neck and shoulders, but you could hear his breath hitch, his fingertips digging deeper into you as you let out a small, whimpered moan. And when he leaned in to whisper your name in your ear, it fucking broke you.

It was just a low rumble, but it was so deep and sensual, it sent a shock between your legs. Everything you tried to ignore came barreling to the surface. This man drove you insane but there was no more hiding from how much you wanted him. You wanted him in every way, too, just as he had admitted to you. You wanted him to fuck you and fill you and use you. You wanted to use him, take his cock and come on him over and over again until you were just a shaking, wet mess. And as if he was reading your mind, or something silly like that, Kylo curved his hands around your shoulders, sliding them down toward your chest. It didn't startle you or sound off any alarms—all it did was frustrate you because he was moving too damn slow.

You shot your hands up to his wrists and tugged them down, planting them over your breasts. Kylo wasted no time. He leaned in and exhaled, the side of his face touching yours as he pinched and played with your nipples. You moaned, lifting your legs out of the water to hook them on either side of the tub. Getting lost in his touch, you didn't think about what you wanted to do, you just did it, giving yourself what you needed. With a broken whine, you started rubbing your clit under the water.

"Mm, good girl," he murmured, massaging your tits as you moaned and writhed. "Show me how you play with your pussy, Kitten."

You did just that, and happily. You knew this was questionable, legs sprawled out of your captor's bathtub to play with yourself while he caressed your breasts from behind. But your skin felt like it was on fire, buzzing with an insatiable need, and right now, Kylo's expert touch was the only thing in the galaxy capable of extinguishing those flames.

"Fuck," you cried as he twisted and tortured your nipples. Your spine contorted, curving so your breasts peaked entirely out of the water, earning wet, hard slaps from Kylo. "Oh, my gods."

His breaths escalated, and his grip on you tightened as you raised your hips, bringing your cunt closer to the surface. With a rough grunt, Kylo used his elbow to slam the keypad to your right, draining the water just a bit before sealing it again with another jab. The new fill-level exposed your sex to the cool air, pulling an animalistic sound from him as he abandoned one of your breasts, sliding his hand down your stomach. He nudged your fingers out of the way and you eagerly let him take over, gripping your knees and folding your legs toward your body while simultaneously pulling them away from each other.

Your breathing picked up. You loved watching him play with you, one hand teasing your tits as the other sat heavily between your thighs, the veins wrapped around his forearm rippling beneath his pale skin with each movement. Your lower belly tensed at the erotic sight, your drenched sex dotted with drops of water as his thick fingers played with the slick between your folds. He was taking his time with you, splaying you open and massaging every part of your pussy except your clit. Face hot and breathing heavily, you crunched your spine forward even more, trying to get him to touch you where you needed it. He would not.

"Ah, ah," he tsked, fueling your frustration as his palm hugged your clit, sinking two digits inside you. He toyed with you like this for a few moments, your legs shaking as he pumped in and out of you, wiggling against his hand to put pressure on your sweet spot. You cried when he pulled out of you, but he made a noise of appreciation as he slowly spread his fingers apart, revealing the thread of your arousal that clung between them.

His strained groan made you squirm, every inch of you overstimulated in anticipation as he rubbed the pads of his fingertips together right above your cunt. You tried to lift your hips higher out of the bath, desperate for his touch, but he didn't let you. His broad chest was pressed against the back of your head, arms encasing you from each side and keeping you helplessly stuck. You whined as he dropped both of his hands between your legs, continuing with his torturous massage.

"I see why you play with yourself all day, Kitten," he said, placing his thumbs on either side of your cunt, pulling you apart. You gasped when one index finger splayed outwards to lightly flick your clit. "You do have the prettiest pussy."

You mewled, grinding as much as you could to get him to apply more pressure. When your efforts proved futile, you huffed and let go of your knees, grabbing the outer sides of your feet and pulling straight up—causing a presumably confused Kylo to momentarily take his hands off you—and shimmied your neck forward to situate your ankles behind your head. Then, unapologetically and with great haste, you blindly reached behind you, latching onto the collar of Kylo's tunic and yanking him forward. When he placed both of his hands on either side of the tub to steady himself, you snatched his wrist to place his fingers back on your cunt. He immediately curled two of them inside you, his thumb swirling soft circles over your clit—just like you wanted.

"Fucking hells," he rasped, the awe in his voice making you clench around him. "Look at you."

You didn't respond, only grabbed his other hand and plopped two fingers in your mouth. Filled, you wanted to be filled in every way possible. A growl came from behind you, and you sucked harder, humming and moaning against him as he finally stopped fucking around and gave your clit consistent strokes. You could feel your orgasm building, and judging by the way Kylo breathed unsteadily in your ear, he could feel it, too.

You slammed your eyes shut, focusing on the way he grazed your sweet spot over and over again. Everything heightened for you. The water felt cool now, the temperature paling in comparison to your elevated body heat as it whooshed back and forth around your torso. The cool air nipped at your exposed cunt, and your body screamed in protest at the precarious position you had folded yourself into. His fingers felt thick in your mouth, coated in your saliva as you sucked on them like hard candy.

But your attention was on his other hand, working between your legs. The excruciating softness of his fingertips rubbing against your clit felt so good, so, so good, like they were meant to be there, their sole purpose to touch you, play with you and make you come. He was giving it to you just the way you needed it, and your pussy throbbed, needing to be fucked and filled...

You tensed, one hand tightening around his wrist while the other curled around the edge of the bathtub. You were going to come. Squealing, your forehead crumpled in pleasure as Kylo remained rigid against you, his scent enveloping you as his jagged breaths matched yours. You went utterly still for a moment, euphoria building and building and building until it exploded inside you, making you shake and writhe, moaning as the water sloshed around you.

You let out muffled cusses and yells as you rode out your orgasm, drowning out the low murmurs of praise from Kylo as he watched. He played with your clit throughout your release, his other hand at your mouth as he slid his fingers in and out. You could feel him everywhere. You never wanted it to end, but when you became too overstimulated by his touch, you thrust his hand away with residual, broken sounds of pleasure.

Kylo pulled away from you as you untangled your legs from the back of your head. You winced, slowly lowering them down, your hips stiff and legs shaky as you stretched them out in front of you. You collapsed into the water as he rose from behind you, stepping around the side of the tub and looking down at you. You met his gaze, eyes cloudy with lust as they locked on his erection pressing against his pants. You swallowed thickly, your body buzzing with need and arousal as you kept your sights locked on it. You wanted him to know you were watching, and more importantly, you wanted him to know you wanted him.

"So the time has come, then," he said, pulling your attention to his face. "Your need to fuck me outweighs the need to kill me."

Licking your bottom lip, you peered up at him and gave him a small nod. Hunger flashed in his eyes, his nostrils flaring as he started undressing right above you. He began with his robes, unclasping them slowly, his gaze dark and intense. Next, his tunic, revealing a long sleeve black shirt underneath, and your head spun at the sight of him. Even without all his armor, he was fucking massive, and you wanted nothing more than to climb this hot, evil man like a tree. Throwing a hasty hand at the controls to drain the water, you peeled your back off the tub and situated yourself on your knees, the water gushing around you as it swirled down the drain. You stared up at him and waited.

"So sweet, so patient," he said, voice low and throaty as he gripped the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head. He dropped it to the floor and stepped closer, his knees touching the rim of the tub. Slowly, he started unbuttoning his pants. "All because the little slut wants my cock."

You lowered your eyes. You did want him. You wanted him in every way, and you had accepted that, but you still felt uneasy for some reason. It wasn't because he made you come—you were more than okay with that—and your desire had only amplified now that he was standing above you, ready to force feed you his dick. But still, something just felt off. Before you could pinpoint it, Kylo leaned down and placed two fingers under your chin. It was so gentle. So minuscule. And yet, when he raised your face to look up at him, it threw you off balance, as though someone had grabbed your brain and yanked it out of your skull.

Groaning, you keeled forward, collapsing against the bathtub and Kylo's knees.

His concerned voice swirled above you, but you couldn't make out what he was saying over the ringing in your ears. All you could hear was a shrill, dissonant tone and all you could feel was the room spinning around you. You felt hot, so hot, yet shivers crawled over every inch of your wet, exposed body. You felt like you were going to die.

"...okay, Kitten?" As he gripped your shoulders, Kylo's face came into focus at the same time as his voice. "What happened?"

You blinked. You didn't know. Seconds ago, you had felt fine. More than fine, seeing as how you were just about to suck his cock like a fucking lollipop, but now you could barely concentrate on him. You could barely breathe. Then the realization hit you—this was because of the goddamn tea. You let out the most exasperated groan you ever did groan. "Fucking Ava!"

"A relapse, then." Through the fog in your head, you heard his slight exhale. "Come here. I'm taking you to bed."

"No, I, I want it," you slurred, resisting his pull. You stubbornly put your hands on his thighs and raised your head, giving him your best doe-eyed look, but seeing as you were dripping wet, flushed, and about to be sick, it wasn't lost on you that you probably resembled a drowning cat. You tried anyway—the heart wanted what it wanted, and it wanted dick. "Please?"

"No," he said, expressionless as he hooked his hands under your armpits, shrugging your paws off him. "You're about to vomit."

You closed your eyes, the sensation of being carried across the room flipping your stomach. "Whoa."

He hushed you, gently setting you down on the bed. You melted into the mattress, tugging at the comforter as he placed it over your body. The desire to suck him off was long gone as the intrusive thoughts of everything you had ever eaten frolicked through your mind. And that god-awful broth he made you drink? So salty, so meaty? Just the thought of it nearly took you out as you curled up on your side, clutching your stomach.

Breathing through your nose and out your mouth, you vaguely heard Kylo speaking into his commlink from across the room. Or maybe someone was here now—who knew? Not you. You were too fucked up, your consciousness ebbing and flowing as you thought about how this must be some cosmic karma for all the people you'd killed over the years.

"The doctor is coming back," Kylo said, pulling you from the edge of sleep. He placed a hand on your forehead. "Once he gets your fever under control, you will feel better."

With the side of your face smashed against his comforter, you nodded. You didn't want to say it, but you were afraid. What if you never recovered? Your heart was beating like a drum, similar to how you felt right after Ava had poisoned you. The same day Kylo obliterated the Ileenium system, your home. Your teeth began to chatter, the vision of the red bands streaking across his mask flashing in your mind, your stomach dropping as you remembered how you had fallen to your knees, so terrified, so confused...

"You don't need to be afraid," Kylo uttered, stroking your hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

You closed your eyes and whimpered, his words bringing you comfort just as much as they brought you anxiety. But you didn't have time to work through that. All your energy had to be spent on not throwing up, and wishing very, very hard that Ava was currently in the seventh layer of Hell, drowning over and over again in a vat of rotten, boiling hot starfruit syrup.