These Violent Delights

Chapter 47: Sunrises & Sucker Punches

You shot up in bed, gasping for air.

Your fingernails dug into your palms, hair stuck to your slick forehead. Your heartbeat thrummed violently against your sternum. You felt like you were going to be sick. Vaguely, you felt a body stir next to you, followed by the sound of your name as their warm arms wrapped around you.

"It's okay, shhhhh," your best friend hushed, tugging you closer to her chest.

You blindly held onto her in the dark. "I, I—"

"It's okay, just breathe," Zeven murmured, stroking your hair. "Just like I told you. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

In through my nose, out through my mouth. You repeated this to yourself until your pulse slowed, the uneasiness in your stomach subsiding. Since you arrived at the Resistance base, breathing like this was the only thing that had calmed you down—Zeven was the only thing that could calm you down.

"More nightmares?" she whispered, releasing you as you pulled away. "Did you...hear him again?"

"Yes. But this time, I saw him. He, he was angry and told me to come back, but I, I—" You had to stop, tears threatening to fall. You were just so, so tired.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," she cooed, reaching for you in the dark again, rubbing your arms as she spoke softly. "I know we both don't trust Organa, but I think she was telling the truth when she said the Supreme Leader can't actually get to you in your dreams. It's just—" Zeven abruptly cut herself off, rustling with something on the bed. She cursed under her breath, following up with your name. "Hurry, turn the light on."

Sniffling, you reached over to the bedside table and felt around for the lightpod. A soft click and a warm light flooded your small, underground quarters, illuminating Zeven's wide eyes and worried expression. She was holding a mass of black fabric in her hands.

"Zeven? What's wrong?"

"What the fuck is this?" She thrust what appeared to be a black blanket in your direction.

You squinted and moved forward, reaching out for it, and immediately felt a pang of electricity course through your body. It was Kylo's cloak. Your fingers seized around it. Your mouth hung open. You wordlessly looked at Zeven, who was watching you, terrified.

"Is this...."

You nodded.

"Oh hell no," she said, gripping the robes and pushing off the bed. She didn't even put on her shoes before ripping through the door.

You scrambled to follow her. "Zeven! Wait, where are you going?"

"To see the fucking General," she seethed. Lights in the narrow tunnel flickered on as she stormed through it.

"What?" you shot back, trying to keep your voice hushed as you hurried past the row of doors housing other fighters. "It's like four in the morning!"

"I don't care what time it is."

"But—"

"There is no but. The General has some explaining to do." She paused at the end of the hall, looking back at you before stepping into the control room. "You coming or not?"

You gave her a curt nod. "I'm coming."

The walk to the central cavern felt longer than it was. Sheltering in an abandoned mine on the planet Crait, you were not only freezing your ass off, but you were also perpetually filthy. The ground was dirt, the walls were dirt, and the unused equipment scattered around the control room was covered in dust and, of course, dirt. And this was the highest platform. You couldn't even imagine how dirty the decaying lower levels were. Dilapidated stairways were stationed in every corner, leading to the dark network of tunnels that sprawled out beneath you. You hadn't seen it for yourself, but you heard the others say it went miles down, each platform filled with abandoned storage units, tankers, fuel, and various artillery units.

Lights flickered throughout the entire place, and deep pockets of muck littered the entire path out of the quarter's sector. As you jumped over a big puddle, you couldn't help but think that before you were taken, this type of place would have felt like home. But now, you couldn't wait to leave. Not only did your team barely look at you since you'd arrived, but you also found yourself missing the soft hum of machinery and the harsh sterility of the Finalizer. With its glossy floors and matte walls, lights bright enough to burn your irises, and the undeniable comfort of your large bed in the pristinely clean living quarters. Some of your best days were spent in that bed. Ani sprawled out next to you, playfully batting at your hand as you squished his belly. With Kylo rubbing your back, and—

You had to stop yourself. You had to remind yourself why you left.

I am your Supreme Leader, and you are my prisoner.

Letting that familiar numbness settle in your bones, you shut off your mind as you followed Zeven to the central cavern. It was the main hub of the entire first level, serving as the place to hold meetings and eat meals. It was the only sector that had equipment that actually worked, with a station reserved for the General herself. You doubted she'd be there, but as you took the last step out of the corridor, the warm glow from a single lantern painted her tired face as she sat hunched over her datapad. She didn't stir, even though your arrival wasn't necessarily quiet, until Zeven cleared her throat.

Leia's head snapped up, her hand flying to her heart. "Oh, maker have mercy. You scared me half to death."

"Sorry, General," Zeven muttered, walking forward to hold out the cloak. "But we have a big problem."

Serious, brown eyes looked at you, then back to Zeven. Leia carefully stood up, her wrinkled hands smoothing out her uniform as she did. She was donning her usual olive green jumpsuit with a brown vest and belt, with her gray-kissed brown hair braided and pinned to the top of her head, reminiscent of a crown. She looked so exhausted, you weren't sure if she woke up ungodly early or if she simply didn't go to bed the night before.

Organa stopped before Zeven and grabbed the cloak. Parts of it unraveled to the ground with a thump as she turned it around in her hands. "This...this belongs to my son, doesn't it?"

Your voice was hoarse, pained. "Yes."

"But you didn't have this when you arrived earlier this week, did you?"

"Look, that's the issue, General," Zeven interjected with impatience. "You told us his voice in her head was just her memories playing tricks on her. But now, not only did he find her, he was able to leave something behind! I mean, isn't this cause for concern?"

The General frowned, just a bit. She glanced down at the cloak again, gently rubbing her fingers across it. "I can't say for sure."

"Well, shouldn't we leave? What if he saw our coordinates? The First Order could be here any minute!"

"I don't think we should jump to that conclusion, soldier."

"But—"

"Zeven," Organa said, offering a small smile. "Thank you for bringing this to me. But I'd like to talk to your comrade now. Alone."

Zeven turned to you as the General wandered back to her station, mouthing, "Are you okay?" You gave her a nod, and throwing one last charged glance at Leia, your best friend brushed past you, leaving you alone with the General for the first time since you arrived.

After setting the cloak down on the table, Leia patted the stool next to her. "Come here, child, I don't bite."

You stepped closer but didn't join her. If this was before everything—you know, before she sacrificed you to the First Order for her personal gain—you would have loved to have a heart-to-heart, but now, you wanted nothing to do with her. You kept your face as void of emotion as your tone. "No, you just abandon your own."

First, she had the audacity to look surprised. Then, a frown touched her lips. "I knew you'd still be angry with me."

"What, you mean there'd be consequences to your actions?" came your sardonic reply. "Wow, crazy."

She tilted her head at you, the lines around her eyes crinkling as she narrowed them, thoughtfully studying you. "You're different, you know. I've been watching from afar. You're more reserved now, mature."

You shrugged one shoulder. "Few weeks in captivity changes people, I guess."

"You were gone much longer than that."

"Guess your little scheme worked, then." You snorted. "Good job, General. You must be so proud."

Leia took a deep sigh and glanced down, clasping her hands on the table. "I know it's impossible to see right now, but what I did was best for you, too."

Anger flared in your chest. "You know what, you're right. It is impossible to see," you said, crossing your arms as you pivoted a foot outward, bending your knee. "Yet, nothing but your unwillingness to be honest is stopping you from helping me understand."

"I apologize if my avoidance of speaking about what I did comes off as unwillingness to be honest," Leia said carefully, her diplomatic-General voice in full effect. "However, I assure you that's not the case. I have every intention of explaining everything to you when the opportunity presents itself."

You scoffed. "I've been here for a week and a half now. You've had plenty of opportunities."

"You're right," she mused after a moment of hesitation, offering a thoughtful nod. "Allow me to rephrase—I'm waiting for someone else to arrive to help explain everything to you. Not because I want to avoid the discussion, but because you deserve to hear the right story. And I fear that I could not provide that to you."

Uncrossing your arms to plant your hands on your hips, you gave her a weary look. "Who are you waiting for?"

"An old friend," Leia said with a sad smile before glancing to her right at a navigation datascreen. "They should be here anytime now. But until then..." she started, pushing herself off the stool with a wince. You watched her with cautious eyes as she worked her way over with unsteady steps, as though she were in pain. She held out her hand, letting a necklace unravel from her palm. "This is for you."

When you lowered your eyes to the purple crystal attached to a weathered brass chain, something strange washed over you. You felt dizzy, uneasy. "Is that..." you started, taking a step back, "is that the crystal Kylo is after?"

"Absolutely not," Organa said fervently, affronted. "That wicked thing is hidden away where it will remain until the end of eternity." After a small pause, her features softened as she outstretched the pendant. "But this...this is the first step to make things right."

You didn't move to take it, raising a brow. "What is it? Why are you giving it to me?"

"It was once yours, dear. And before that, it was your mother's," she said, a gentle sadness marking the lines on her face. "It's only right that you have it."

Your lips fell open, just as your hands dropped from your hips as it came back to you. It was your mother's; she gave it to you the day before she pawned you off to Unkar. You remembered wearing it every day for a while, but after you got to the orphanage, your memory of what happened to it became murky. Your brows pulled together. How the fuck did Leia get this?

You inched closer, staring at the crystal and watching the low, dusty light reflect off its iridescent sheen. One moment it was a deep and bold shade of purple, and the next, it looked like a celestial violet hue. Something nipped at the back of your consciousness, something warm and familiar yet bleak and sinister at the same time, and yet, you felt drawn to it—safe with it, and suddenly, it didn't matter how General Organa procured the pendant that once belonged to you. All you knew was it belonged to you now. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you extended your palm toward her.

Leia gave it to you, using both of her hands to close your fingers around it. There was a shock of electricity at the contact, and you linked gazes with her. She smiled. "Come tomorrow, you will have the answers you deserve," she whispered, giving you a firm squeeze. "Thank you for trusting me."

Feeling awkward as hell, you pulled your hand from her. You didn't trust her. You didn't trust any of them. Her arms fell by her side as you stepped back, watching you with a sad but satisfied expression on her face. You shoved the necklace into your pocket, clearing your throat. "Uh, thanks, I guess." You started to back away—you had officially used up all of your playing-nice facial expressions, and it was time to get the fuck out of there. "I'm...I'm gonna go now."

"Right, right. Please get some rest. It will serve you well. But before you do, take these," she said, pivoting for a moment to reach for something on her station. Then turning to walk toward you, she held out a bitebar and a banana. Hurt found the lines on her face when you hesitated, letting out a dispirited sigh. "Despite everything, I would hope you know I wouldn't poison you, for star's sake," she muttered, adding your name. She extended them in your direction. "Please, just take it. You need to refuel."

Dropping your gaze to the food, you tentatively reached for them, giving her a disgruntled mutter. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear," she said with a warm smile before turning back to her station. You turned to enter the corridor, but then Leia called out your name.

You hesitantly came to a stop, looking at her from over your shoulder. "Yes?"

"When's the last time you saw a sunrise?" she asked, tilting her head in the direction of the exit with a playful smirk and lifted brow. Without waiting for a response, she took a seat and turned her attention to her datascreen.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth. You were exhausted, but she had a point—you had spent way too many mornings in space, and you missed the opportunity to watch a good sunrise. Before your bed could beckon you back to sleep, you steered to the left and entered the long, narrow passageway that led outside. You were almost to the end when a grueling headache sent you reeling.

"Oh my fuck," you groaned, pressing your fingers into your temple. Stumbling back, you returned to the central cavern, hoping Leia had some bacta to help with the pain. But as you approached the end of the hallway, you came to a halt when you heard sniffling from the other room.

Staying as quiet as possible, you peeked around the edge of the corridor, your heart dropping at the sight of the General. She was hunched over at her station, crying as she cradled Kylo's cloak to her chest, holding it against her as though it were as precious as an infant. You knew you should leave, but you were transfixed on her fragility, a stark contrast to the mask of strong leadership and callousness she so often wore. It was jarring seeing her look so human, even more so when you realized that you had the same thought when you first saw this side of Kylo.

Your throat constricted as she brought the fabric to her face, deeply inhaling his scent. It didn't take long before she broke down, the room erupting in muffled, gut-wrenching sobs as her frail, small body shook from the effort. Despite your anger, your compassion tempted you to go to her, to hold her and comfort her. But you knew there was nothing you could do or say to make things better. All you could do was respect her wishes and grant her privacy.

With a heavy heart, you took quiet steps backward, leaving Leia alone to grieve her son.