These Violent Delights

Chapter 28: Pinky Promise?

As the loud smack of your slap across Kylo's face lingered in the air and rang in your ears, fear began to creep in. 

When you had first done it, you didn't care what the consequences were. You just needed him to stop reminding you of what you already knew. But in the uncomfortable silence expanding between you two, the severity of what you had done hit you in the face. You had just slapped the Supreme Leader of the galaxy. With a trembling bottom lip, you placed your stinging hand back in your lap and waited for his reaction.

Kylo pulled back from you and brought his hand to his face, slowly tracing the spot where your palm had connected with his cheek. You went rigid, anticipating his retaliation, but after what felt like an eternity, he got on his feet and stood above you. "You're angry because you know I'm right," came his low, rough voice, his presence hovering above your head as you kept yours hanging low. "He doesn't care about you. Nobody in the Resistance does. It's time to move on and let them go."

You swung your head from side to side, your bleary eyes locked on his boots. "It's not that easy."

"Yes, it is," he retorted, taking a powerful step closer to you. "All you have to do is—"

"Just stop!" you shouted, your voice breaking as you craned your neck to look at him. "It's not easy when I don't have anywhere else to go, Kylo!"

Intensity flashed in his eyes, nostrils flaring and jaw tight. "You don't need to go anywhere. You can stay here with me."

You extended your spine, glaring up at him. "I told you I won't stay here as your slave."

"And I already told you that's not what you would be!"

"Slave, prisoner—same thing!" you shot back, throwing your hands up in exhaustion. "It doesn't matter what you call it. The outcome is the same. I have no control over my own life here. I know the Resistance isn't perfect, but at least with them, I wouldn't have to live in a cage and pretend to be happy about it!"

Rage infiltrated his face, immediately replaced by the same look his mother had on the ramp before she left you—cold indifference. "Soon enough, there won't even be a Resistance for you to go back to," he said, voice low and tight and dangerous. You froze, waiting for him to elaborate, but all he did was flick his eyes up and down your body before turning around and storming away from you.

You threw the blanket aside and ran after him, a semblance of sobriety finally settling into your bloodstream. "What do you mean?"

"We found their new base." Kylo didn't look at you as he pounded through the living area to the balcony. "And Starkiller's next target."

Panic inundated your senses. "No, no, Kylo, wait—"

"Yes," he roared, whipping around to face you. You stumbled to a stop, taking unsteady steps backward as he closed in. "All those TIE fighters in the sky, and you think we just let them escape?" He gave an aggressive shake of his head, laughing mirthlessly as he backed you up against the sofa. "Don't be naive, Kitten. We tracked them through lightspeed. And when the time is right, we will destroy the Resistance once and for all, and you will have to accept that your home is here, with me."

You had to pick your jaw up off the floor. "You're going to kill all my friends, and yet, you expect me to stay with you?" With a glower, Kylo turned around and continued out to the balcony, eliciting the incredulous, high-pitched noises that escaped your lips as you followed after him. "Do you hear how absolutely fucking deranged that is, Supreme Leader?"

Kylo spoke resolutely as he stepped onto the balcony, his back to you. "Most of them will die, yes." He paused to roll his shoulders and bend his neck from side to side. "Those that swear fealty to the Order can live."

"None of them will do that!" came your yell-whisper as you followed him outside. Usually, at this time, the roar of liveliness from downtown would be spilling through the entirety of Canto Bight. But after today's battle, the entire city had shut down, leaving nothing outside but you, Kylo, and the crickets. "It's a death sentence for the entire Resistance!"

"Then Starkiller will grant them a swift death," Kylo said, lowering his voice as he turned to face you. "As enemies actively trying to kill me, that is more than they deserve."

"Okay then," came your snippy remark, "you're saying if they submit to you and the Order, they can live?"

His flinty eyes bored into you. "Yes."

"And if they don't submit?"

"They die."

"When? Do they have a grace period to think about it?"

"No," Kylo replied through a tight jaw. "Their cooperation is expected immediately."

"Ah, got it, got it," you said, nodding your head with exaggerated movements. "And the ones you want to fuck? What happens to them?"

Confusion rippled across his face, followed by understanding. Panicked understanding, as Kylo registered your implication. The way his perfectly composed expression faltered, you knew that you had landed on a sensitive topic. You took a step toward him. Good.

"What? You don't got an answer for me?" you asked sardonically. "How hypocritical. You accuse me of being unable to have a grown-up conversation, yet the only thing you want to discuss is my trauma and how it benefits you. But not this. Not the rathtar in the room. Because that would mean facing whatever the fuck this is, and you've been too busy avoiding me to do that, right, Supreme Leader?" Once you had backed him up against the railing of the balcony, you stopped, planting your hands on your hips and keeping your penetrative stare locked on his face. You welcomed the cool breeze that swept over your flushed face as your heart beat wildly in your chest. "Well?"

Kylo could barely look at you. "I don't know what you're—"

"I'm talking about this!" you hissed, gesturing between your two bodies. "You know, this wild sensation between us that we spoke about once, maybe twice? This thing that we both ignore, even though it gets stronger every day? Yeah, I'm talking about that. So, let me ask you again, Supreme Leader—what do you plan on doing with the enemies like me?"

Kylo remained silent, but his inconsistent gaze and uneasy stance spoke volumes. He looked like a trapped animal. It was in this moment, as the glow from the lights inside spilled through the balcony doors and coated him in an orange warmth, you saw your captor for what he truly was. Not Kylo Ren, the Master of the Knights of Ren or the Supreme Leader of the galaxy, but instead, just a man. A beautiful, sad man, cased in a shadow of fear, just as you had seen earlier today when you warned him about the thin line between hate and love.

Love.

The word reverberated in your mind, leaving deep grooves of pain with each shock wave it sent throughout your body. You could never assume this man loved you; you had never assumed anyone loved you. It's why you hated yourself for saying it to Drox today. It's why you had wanted Kylo to remind you that you were his—it was the closest thing you had to love. And he was right, you did like that he wanted you all to himself. It was pathetic. You were pathetic. Even if the Supreme Leader was keeping you alive for more than just sex, and the connection between you two meant something, it didn't matter. None of this did. You were still his prisoner, and he was still your captor.

Prisoner. Captor. Enemies.

Something inside of you shattered. Were you really this desperate for affection that you tried to coerce your enemy into admitting his feelings for you? What was wrong with you? Limb by limb, you felt your body fall into repose with sheer and utter exhaustion. Your shoulders slumped, the hands on your hips falling dejectedly to your sides. You began to doubt your ability to stay upright as you turned to pivot, stiff with shame as you mumbled, "Never mind."

He said your name. "Wait," Kylo rasped, wrapping his hand firmly around your arm and pulling you against him. The movement made your head spin, but he steadied you against him, so warm and solid and strong. "There are no enemies like you." His eyes darted across your face and his fingers dug into your arm. "Do you understand me?"

"Wh-what?" you stammered, head spinning with his closeness. You tried to step back as you shook your head, his sudden intensity making you squirm. "No, I, I don't understand. Let go of—"

"Yes, you do," he insisted, voice resonant as he kept you fused against him. "You're right. I have been avoiding you. Because ever since I almost lost you, I realized I don't want to live without you. I refuse to. And I don't know how to handle that. I'm sorry."

Dizzy. You felt so dizzy as you digested his words. Intoxicated not only by the colossal amount of alcohol you had consumed tonight, but also by his presence, so intense and heavy and demanding. You had to work very hard to keep your voice steady. "What are you saying, Kylo?"

"I'm telling you what you need to hear. I'm telling you the truth," he said matter-of-factly, releasing your arm to let you stumble back. "You are not Force-sensitive, Kitten, but we have the same, diseased darkness living inside of us. It surrounds us. It calls to us. It used to be alarming, but now it feels familiar, like home. Like it belongs to me, with me. Just like you."

Fear flooded your belly. Raw and ripe and overpowering, you folded your arms against your chest and took another step back. "Why would you want me? You don't even know me."

"But I do," Kylo insisted without hesitation, moving toward you. "The things you've been through, anyone else would have caved into darkness. But not you," he said, cornering you against the balcony door. "You channel your anger and hatred into ridding the Wor Gromans of the galaxy to protect the innocent, and when killing someone isn't feasible, you use humor and wit to cope instead. Because that's easier than feeling the sharp edge of your pain—the same reason why you resort to violence instead of confronting your feelings."

You swallowed and cast your eyes down, the torment of his truths tearing your insides apart, but Kylo didn't miss a beat as he continued to ever-so-casually unveil your soul.

"I also know you're fiercely loyal to those you love. You would kill for your people. You have killed for them and would die for them just as quickly. And, most importantly, I know that after today, you're officially sick of it. Sick of giving your all to people that don't return the favor. Tasu, my mother, Drox—they take, and take, and take, but never reciprocate. They leave you empty. And that, Kitten, is the real reason you're here right now, looking to your enemy for affection. Not because you're pathetic. Not because you're desperate. But because you know that if we faced this connection together, neither of us would be empty. Neither of us would be alone. Not anymore."

The crickets chirped all around you, the moons high and bright in the sky as Kylo looked at you in a way that stripped you bare. You couldn't move. You could barely breathe. You remained stiff and still against the door, your whole body buzzing with apprehension. Just moments ago, this dynamic had been reversed as you tried to get him to admit his feelings to you. But now that you got what you wanted, you were terrified.

"I...I don't know what to say, Kylo," you whispered, eyes dropping to his chest. You swallowed. "Too much has happened between us. Too much hurt."

"Yes. I've done monstrous things to you. I know," he said, shifting in impatience. "I thought Skywalker sent you here to destroy me, which is why I hurt you the way I did. For that, I am sorry." Kylo's voice held so much sincerity it shocked you, forcing you to look at him, confirming those words did, indeed, come from his mouth. When your eyes locked, he leaned in, speaking with a burning passion. "You're right. It was hypocritical of me to avoid you. But I'm here now. I'm telling you that what we have, it's real. It's deep." In a moment of hesitation, he glanced down, his lips shakily pressing together before continuing. "It always has been, ever since we were children."

You jolted back. "Children?" you asked, forehead creasing in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"That night in Sector 45B..." Kylo started, then gave an abrupt shake of his head. "No. It's easier if I show you."

He brought two fingers to your temple, and you reflexively winced, jerking away from him. He slowly lowered his hand from you, dropping his eyes in what you thought was shame. You remained alert as you stared at him, waiting for his next move. Just as you had said, too much had happened between you two. Too much hurt.

Kylo cleared his throat. "It's easier if I show you," he repeated, returning his gaze back to your face. Warily, he raised his hand but kept it low. This time, he waited for you to acknowledge his request before continuing. "May I?"

All you could manage was a stiff nod. His movements were slow as he raised his hand, gauging your reaction as though he wanted to allow you the opportunity to change your mind. But you didn't, and the moment he pressed his fingers against your temple, you were ripped from your body and thrust into a wormhole of memories moving faster than lightspeed.

One second, you saw yourself as a newborn, covered in your mother's blood, and the next, you were in an underground fighting ring, covered in someone else's blood as the Kanjiklub rooted you on from the sidelines. It was disorienting and dizzying, and as the sound of children echoed all around you—screaming, laughing, and playing, you knew exactly where this journey was taking you. You tried to resist, but it was too late. Violently, you were spat out in the middle of the auditorium of the Coruscant Orphanage—the beautiful, yet horrid, place you grew up in. This common area, in particular, was a repurposed ballroom complete with tall, airy ceilings and elegant architecture much too festive for all the pain and suffering it housed.

You spun around, scanning the room for a sign as to why you were there. Children were everywhere, but their faces were just a blur. You squinted; everything about this memory seemed too bright, too contrasted without offering any clear, distinct symmetry. But as you turned to face the back wall, one little girl came into focus. She was sitting all alone on the floor, her legs folded to her chest and her chin on her knee.

You immediately recognized the orphan as yourself.

The sight of her drew you in. Your movements were fluid as you traveled through flickering visions of children playing on the floor, each passing step bringing forth anxiety. Why am I here? Will she see me? Do I have to speak to...myself?

You gnawed on your bottom lip as you approached, but when a pop of black appeared to your right in your peripherals, you took a deep breath. You didn't need to look at Kylo to feel better—just knowing he was here with you in this strange, bright world helped bring your climbing heart rate back down. You took the last step toward this tiny version of yourself, relieved that she didn't acknowledge or see you. Knowing you were just a spectator brought comfort. You didn't want her to see what she had become. It would be too much of a disappointment, too much pain to swallow after everything she'd already been through.

You took a step closer, barely recognizing her. Her clothes looked clean yet very worn, with a necklace around her neck that you vaguely remembered from your childhood. Her red, puffy eyes darted all around the room as she held her legs tightly, trying to make herself look as small as possible. You frowned. You knew that you had bad days at the orphanage, but this...this looked different. She looked different than you remembered, with her sun-kissed skin and dark bruises lining her legs and arms...

The realization did not come to you gently. It slammed into you like a blaster shot, forcing you to seek stability against the wall. You slumped against it, trying to suppress the rush of emotion bursting inside of you, but it was too late. The floodgates had been opened and you remembered why she looked so miserable. You were inside the memory of your first day at the orphanage.

The rest crashed down on you quickly and mercilessly. Unkar telling you to be quiet as he dragged you onto a shuttle, the cruel smile he gave you as you started to cry. The twisting of his mouth as he leered at the pilot and said, she's your problem now. The bumpy ride to Coruscant, the frigid woman that received you, locking your hand in hers as she dragged you through the doors kicking and screaming. The doctor's cold fingers probing at you as you sat on the exam table, the dismissive stares as you begged them to find your parents...

"No, no, no," you panicked, sliding down next to the little girl as you shut your eyes and covered your ears. You didn't want to feel this. You didn't want to see this. You had forgotten this day for a reason. A sob escaped your lips as your butt landed on the floor, and you brought your knees to your chest to mirror the younger version of yourself. Hot, salty tears rushed down your face as your emotions paralleled what she had felt at that moment. Abandoned. Empty. Forgotten. Alone.

Kylo said your name, muffled as it reached through your fingers and penetrated your eardrums. You just shook your head, keeping your eyes shut as you hung your head low.

Again, you heard your name. "Look."

This time, his command came to you with clarity and power. Sniffling, you slid your hands off your ears and opened your eyes. Kylo crouched in front of you at the same moment a young boy plopped down beside him. He had jet-black hair and warm, brown eyes, wearing clothes befitting a Resistance fighter. He smiled at the younger version of you.

"Hi, I'm Ben." He held his hand out for her to shake. "What's your name?"

Your mouth dropped open. Extending your legs in front of you, you rapidly looked between Kylo and Ben and wondered how you hadn't recognized the little boy immediately. Albeit twenty years apart, they were one and the same. But the similarities in appearance weren't the only indication. You felt him, just as you could sense the all-too-familiar connection between him and the little girl. It was stifling and overpowering, just like the bond you felt with Kylo now as an adult.

"It's okay. You can talk to me. I promise I won't hurt you," Ben continued after she didn't shake his hand. He cracked her a big, goofy smile and offered her his pinky instead. "Pinky promise."

Heart thumping in your chest, you peeled your back off the wall and shifted to get a better view of the little girl tentatively outstretching her hand to intertwine her pinky with his. As you heard her say your name, you felt Kylo's gaze transfixed on your face, but you couldn't look away. You were too enthralled watching Ben Solo interact with the scared, young girl you used to be.

"I like that name. That's a pretty name," Ben said, nodding once in approval. After flitting his eyes down the length of her malnourished frame, he slung his satchel off his shoulder and opened it. "Hey, you hungry?" He didn't wait for a response before he began to rifle through it, his long, black hair falling in his face. "My Uncle Chewie took me to SpaceStop this morning, so I have lots of candy if you want some."

The little girl's face lit up at this, watching with curious eyes as Ben shuffled through things in his bag, speaking a hypermile a minute. "SpaceStop has the best candy. Waaaay better than StarMart. Chewie takes me there all the time because he's always babysitting me. Even though I'm not a baby anymore. I'm 11. But my mom is always busy doing big, important things, and my dad is usually gone, so that means I get to hang out with the big fur ball all day," he said, barely pausing to catch his breath as he glanced up and used his free hand to point across the room. "That's him, over there, next to my mom." Then, with an intensity that he still possessed today, Ben suddenly turned to face the little girl. "Do you like her hair?"

She gave a timid nod. "Yes. The braids are very pretty."

He cracked a sly smile. "Thanks. I did them," he said before returning his attention to his satchel as he continued to rummage around for the candy. "She lets me do that sometimes, you know. Except she almost always redoes them after I leave her quarters, but today she didn't have the chance to because I've been tagging along for work. I can do that since it's summer break and all. I guess she tries to hide that from me, so she doesn't hurt my feelings. But I notice, ya know? I always do. Do you braid your hair, too? I like your buns. They look nice."

You laughed through your tears as the little girl beside you puffed up her cheeks and exhaled, eyes widening when Ben didn't give her a chance to respond, instead talking about how he braided Chewie's hair once while he slept. It was obvious that she was having a hard time keeping up with his extroverted energy, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Geez, where did the candy go? Did I already eat it?" Ben mumbled, cutting himself off mid-sentence. She told him it was alright, but he insistently kept searching, his tongue peeking out between his lips as he concentrated. "No, no, I know it's in here somewhere...AHA! Found it!" he exclaimed with a victorious grin, his hand emerging from his bag with a fistful of sweets. "Here, cup your hands together! I got a lot for you!"

She giggled as Ben dropped a heap of colorfully wrapped treats in her palms. Besides the occasional mmm, they fell quiet as they ate their candy together, and you took the rare moment of silence to look at Kylo. He was still crouching beside the tiny version of himself, watching you intently with a somberness that felt so out of place in contrast to the chatty young boy next to him. Knowing that he, too, lived a life that robbed him of this innocence made your heart ache.

You let out a whisper over the indistinct chatter of the auditorium, tears rolling down your cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kylo didn't respond right away, breaking eye contact as he swallowed. "I didn't know how."

The younger versions of yourselves began talking again, but you kept your focus on Kylo. "How long have you known?"

"Since Sector 45B," he muttered, glancing off to the side. He spoke distractedly as you followed his gaze to see General Organa talking with the orphanage coordinator. "My mother told me."

It was only an undeveloped, lambent vision of her, but rancor still found its way into your tone at the sight of the woman that had wronged you. "This is why she chose me to get captured? Because we knew each other as kids?"

The Supreme Leader looked at you with sad eyes. "Partly, yes."

"I don't understand," you insisted, shaking your head as your chest heaved with anger. "Why would she do this? Why would this change anything?"

Kylo nodded to his left, directing your attention to Ben. "Keep watching."

As you turned toward Ben, he jumped excitedly to his feet. "Hey, I found somewhere really cool today!" He held his hand out for the little girl to take. "Wanna go?"

Displaying her two missing front teeth with a smile, she slipped her hand into his. "Where is it?" she asked as he pulled her to her feet. Even as kids, the height difference was extreme. "Is it close by?"

Both you and Kylo stood up to follow them as Ben led her to the back exit. "Nope. It's across the entire city, but that's okay. I know a shortcut. Follow me!"

Right as he began to pick up his pace, she dropped his hand and came to a halt, nervously playing with her fingers. He spun around with a face full of concern. "What's wrong?" Then, just as fast, understanding flickered in his eyes. "Oh, don't worry, it won't be dangerous—you'll be with me! I'm going to be a Jedi one day, just like my uncle. The Jedi keep everyone safe." He held out his hand again. "Come on, take my hand. I'll protect you, milady."

Pain twisted your gut at how proudly Ben proclaimed he would be a Jedi, and the way Kylo very pointedly kept his attention on the memory and not on you as you glanced over at him with pity in your eyes. You exhaled as you looked back at the little girl. She was still quiet, but you knew the real reason why she was hesitant to follow him.

A pensive expression found Ben's face. "You're sad. I sense it," he said, taking a timid step closer. "I'm sorry," he said, adding her name. "Did I make you sad?"

"No, no, it's not you," she said, adamantly shaking her head. "It's just...I don't know if I'm allowed to go with you, and I don't want to get in trouble. I was told I can't be a bad kid anymore, or no one will want me."

Ben took a step closer to her, standing taller and puffing out his chest. "Who says you're a bad kid?"

She fell quiet for a moment, looking down at her feet and shuffling her shoes against the shiny floors. "Unkar did."

"Well, I don't know who Unkar is, but he sounds like a big bully," Ben said loudly and with conviction, planting his hands on his waist and giving you a stern nod. "You're a good kid, I can tell. Everyone will want you, and I won't let you get in trouble. I promise."

The little girl looked up at him with nervous eyes. "Pinky promise?"

Ben nodded and extended his hand to her. "Pinky promise."

Right after they linked their pinkies together, you and Kylo were thrust back through the wormhole that brought you here. Bright flashes of light and sound and shapes sped by you, revealing glimpses into the summer you spent with Ben. Running through the wildflowers, playing hide and go seek in the temple, climbing trees in the meadow, swimming in the lake, laying in the tall grass...it all came back to you now. The happy place you had seen in your head all these years was a real place. The land you had dreamt about your entire life, where you had spoken to Kylo in your dreams that week he was on Exegol...it was real.

You thought you had created it in your mind as an escape, but no, you saw now that it derived from these experiences with Ben that you had buried deep inside of you. Because even though it was the best few months of your life, it eventually came to an end. The visions were over in a blink of an eye, the vortex spitting you into a final memory you recalled instantly—Ben's last day on Coruscant. You felt Kylo behind you as you stood atop the temple in ruins, watching the younger version of yourselves speak with a heavy cloak of grief draped upon their shoulders.

"Can I go home with you now?" she asked, clutching his hand. "I want parents, too."

"My mother said we can't take you with us," Ben said, tears brimming in his big, brown eyes. "I want to, but I can't."

The pain on the little girl's face echoed yours now, in the present. "But... you pinky promised me. Please don't leave me."

"I don't have a choice." When he said her name, he started to sob. "I'm so sorry."

"Wait, don't cry," she whispered, reaching for his face. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

The memory began to deteriorate around you, the mountains closing in and the wildflowers burning to a crisp as the temple shook beneath you. But you knew what happened next: the Millennium Falcon landed at the bottom of the hill beside the lake. A huffy Han Solo stepped down the ramp to call out to Ben, telling him it was time to leave. After a shared tear-filled embrace, Ben ran down the stairs of the temple to go home, leaving the little girl all alone with a void in her chest that would only get bigger over time. You squeezed your eyes shut and waited for the memory to collapse.

When you opened them next, you were back in Canto Bight, standing on the balcony of the Supreme Leader's hotel room as he stood in front of you. You blinked rapidly, waiting for the pain of the memory to weigh you down, but as the seconds ticked by, you only felt lighter, as though an immense weight riddled with conflict and uncertainty had been lifted off your shoulders, revealing something you could no longer cast aside.

The raw, undeniable connection between you and Kylo.

Your heart rate picked up in your chest. Your hands felt clammy. Slicing through the shared stunned silence in the aftermath of your journey, the Supreme Leader began to talk quickly and nervously, in a stream of consciousness just like he used to do as a kid. But you didn't hear him as you tried to orientate yourself in your body, because you, too, felt like the younger version of yourself right now—vulnerable.

Thump, thump, thump. Kylo chattered on, but the sound of your hammering pulse was all you could hear. The trip into the past did more than just reveal how deep this connection went. It ripped you from the fortress of steel you built around yourself and forced you to feel. The defense mechanism you had constructed to protect yourself was gone, leaving you exposed. Leaving you receptive. It expanded within you until it reached your toes and the crown of your head, filling you wholly and changing you. The shift into fragility was so distinct, so powerful, you looked down, expecting to see remnants of your tough exterior shattered into pieces at your feet. But no. It was just you and Kylo standing on the balcony, bodies close together as the tether between you two buzzed with vitality.

The connective was so tenacious, so prominent, you couldn't believe you didn't feel it the moment you first saw him on Mos Eisley. You felt intrinsically linked with him, a tie that started within you and ended inside him, your enemy, your captor. A monster, and yet, the fear you felt wasn't because you were near him, this cruel man. It was because now that you let him in, now that you let yourself feel this connection to the full extent, you couldn't imagine not having it, not having him. And as you let that realization wash over you, quelling all your excuses and hesitations, you lifted your head and looked up at the man you loved to hate.

"...after Exegol, I realized that it didn't matter why we feel like this. But even then, that doesn't change what I've done to you, I know. I'm sorry. I, I need to tell you something, Kitten, if you'll just—"

You cut him off with a kiss. The way your face gravitated toward him, it just felt right. He felt right as he stepped into you, snaking his arms around your body and groaning in your mouth. Your head spun as you hoisted yourself up, your legs wrapping around his waist as his hands found the bottom of your thighs to secure you against him. Slipping his tongue between your lips, Kylo carried you back inside, not breaking the kiss as he strode to the bedroom.

It wasn't until he set you down that you pulled away, sucking in a deep breath as your head dropped against the pillows. You looked up at him as he hovered over you from the side of the bed, slightly woozy as he began to undress. Despite the copious amounts of alcohol you had consumed earlier in the evening, the effects had now almost dissipated, but you still assumed he wouldn't want to be intimate after he had already turned you down. You figured the taxing venture into the past would have been a mood-killer, but you weren't complaining as you hastened to remove your clothes.

As you hurriedly lifted your hips off the bed to yank off your pants, you couldn't understand why Kylo was undressing at the absolute slowest pace imaginable, but that didn't stop you from tugging on your blouse and unclasping your bra with ungraceful, yet determined movements. You swayed slightly as you moved on to your panties, but he stopped you, grabbing your wrists.

"Not tonight," he said, shaking his head once. "Not like this."

You peered up at him in silence. Your first instinct was to be embarrassed again, but there was no way you could ever feel rejected by a man that looked at you with such hunger. He shamelessly let his gaze roam all over your body, his dark hair hanging in his eyes with his strong jaw set into a hard line, tense and tight, like he was exercising all his self-control not to push you down onto the bed to take you this very second. You bit your lip, your eyes finding the lump in his throat, bobbing up and down as he swallowed. You wanted to run your tongue along it, feel the roughness of his stubble and—

Kylo cupped your jaw, ending both of your wandering gazes. "Okay?"

You blinked, then looked down and nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. You clutched the comforter, pulling it over your goosebump-lined arms as Kylo finished stripping down, save for his boxers. Feeling slightly self-conscious about your sudden lack of clothing, you glanced around the room, looking for anything other than your blouse to sleep in, but found nothing.

Fuck it. I'll just sleep half-nude. With a sigh, you were about to lie down, but Kylo motioned for you to stop. Bunching up the black undershirt he just took off, he carefully placed it over your head, letting it loop around your neck as a ring of fabric. Then, he helped you put your arms through the sleeves and climbed into bed next to you. You felt him get situated beside you, but you didn't look at him, not yet. Your eyes were fixed on the article of clothing curtained over your frame, your fingertips gently twisting the material as a deep, rich warmth spread throughout your body. To him and to anybody else, this was just a t-shirt. To you, it was much, much more than that.

Kylo's hand found the small of your back. "Kitten? Are you—"

You turned toward him. He was lying comfortably on his back, so you plopped onto your side and tightly wrapped your arm around his midsection, eliciting the umph he blew through his lips. Then, you slung your leg over his lower body, clinging to him like a child with their favorite stuffed animal. As your cheek sunk into his bare chest, a part of you started to panic that this type of closeness was too much, that the Supreme Leader of the galaxy wouldn't want you to do such a thing as snuggle him.

But those anxieties didn't have a chance to materialize as Kylo draped an arm around your back to tug you closer. With one hand clutching the small of your waist, and the other lazily playing with your hair, you had never felt more content. You took a deep breath, sucking down his presence. You were quite literally wrapped in a warm haze of his scent, but you wanted more, so you inhaled, again and again, staving off the drowsiness that threatened to pull you under.

When you felt yourself drifting off, your eyelids too heavy to keep open, you finally caved, letting the sound of your enemy's heartbeat coax you into a deep and dreamless sleep.