These Violent Delights

Chapter 44: Home

WARNINGS: You are not hit, but there could be domestic violence triggers for those that are survivors (during the talk near the end). Please tread lightly as it escalates. This is also a very angsty chapter, so please be kind to your emotional state and save it for later, if you're not in a good spot. 🫶 

—

By the time you could make words come out of your mouth, your cheeks were on fire. "Oh. Hi. Um...how, how are you?"

"Well, let's see," Ushar said with a spirited huff, lifting his hand to count with his fingers, "I finally have a night off from chaperoning your crazy-ass, Ap'lek looks like a prissy little bitch with gel in his hair, and I just ate my body weight in Ewok filet...so, how do you think I'm doing?"

You offered an unconvincing laugh, but he continued to look at you as though he were waiting for an actual response. But you couldn't think of anything to say. Because even though you were physically here on Coruscant in this grand ballroom, fully dressed in your gown....in your mind, you were back in Canto Bight, writhing on the sofa as Kylo called out to his knights.

Vicrul, Ushar—enter.

In your silence, Ushar cocked a brow, looking like he was loving the heat on your cheeks. "You okay there, little missy?"

"Yep, yep," you said, knowing that you looked just as awkward as you felt. You were thankful for the lull in the conversation as he paused to take a drink, but when he lifted his glass to his lips, your eyes caught how the fabric of his suit tightened around his broad shoulders with the movement. You gulped. He was fucking huge.

"Ahhhh," he breathed after finishing his drink, his eyes wandering down your form. A grin split across his face as he gave you a flirty whistle. "Damn girl, you look fucking killer in that dress," he said, setting his wickedly amused eyes on your face. He leaned in, lowering his voice. "The impressive part is, you look even better out of it."

His words nearly killed you, and the wink he gave you was the final nail in your coffin. Before you could respond—or actually go fling yourself off the balcony—Vicrul returned with your drink. Your fucking savior.

"Ushar, what is that, your twelfth whiskey?" Vicrul interjected, stepping beside you. "You know we have to remain alert at all times, especially right now. Even with a night off."

"Shut up, Vicrul," Ushar said with a snort. "Just because you're Master Ren's favorite doesn't mean you get to boss us around."

"I'm not his favorite. I'm just the most competent of the bunch, and he knows it."

Ushar laughed—just a loud, empty sound, and started shit-talking back to him. While they volleyed insults back and forth, Vicrul handed you your drink, which you greedily snatched up. You were chugging it as the two knights bickered with one another, thankfully ignoring you. But you couldn't stop thinking about how both of them had seen you naked, and the indelible fact that you liked it.

As soon as I'm done with this, I'm sneaking away, you thought as you took another swig of your drink. Luckily for you, they were both too engaged in their little face-off to even notice you. In fact, you were just about to slip away when things got interesting.

"I will literally fight you right here, Vicrul. I don't care." He was smiling, but not in a friendly way. Something about his expression sent shivers down your spine.

"Okay, Ushar, fine. Let's take it outside." Vicrul said, even-toned as always. He gestured toward you. "There are ladies present."

You grinned, your mind buzzing from the booze. "Oh, no, no. Please, don't go outside. I'd love to see this."

"You heard the lady!" Ushar boomed, bending over to set his glass down. He cracked his neck and jumped up and down. "Let's settle this right here and now."

Vicrul looked at you, then frowned before setting his drink down, too. People that were in close enough proximity watched from the corner of their eyes as they whispered excitedly. You glanced at the double doors, worried that you'd see Kylo walk through to break up the fight, but he was nowhere to be found. You stepped back in anticipation as the knights readied themselves and rolled up their sleeves, but you were the one to interrupt when you saw their forearms.

"Wait, Vicrul—what?" you sputtered, stepping closer to him. "Your arm...you..."

Vicrul casually looked down at his arms. "Yeah."

"Wow," you murmured. Without thinking about it, you reached out, gently tracing the patterns on his skin. "You have...tattoos."

"It's okay to call them what they are." He shrugged. "These are property tattoos from when we were slaves."

Oh, yeah. You knew this already, but the alcohol was making your head spin. "I remember, I just...I guess I didn't realize that your arms were covered in them. Do all of you have them like this?"

Vicrul and Ushar answered at the same time. "Yes."

"Kriff," you breathed, dropping your hand from his arm. You had never seen property markings in person, but usually, the slaver tattooed one or two symbols on the slave, and that was it—not every inch of their arms. They were done with black ink, but something about them looked...off. Glossy, almost. "The ink...why does it look like this?"

In their silence, you felt the energy shift around you. You glanced up at both of them to see that they were sharing a look. This last drink might have amplified your buzz, but you weren't that drunk to miss it. You cocked your head to the side. "What? What is it?"

"Because it's not just ink," Ushar said, looking down at his arms. "It's ink fused with the blood from our past owners."

You blinked. "Oh." Through your intoxicated haze, it took you a moment to really process what he had said. But then you visualized it: the knights draining the blood of their slavers, mixing it with ink, and covering their property markings with their own tattoos.

Vicrul lifted an amused brow. "Something wrong, Miss Ren?"

"No, no. That's just intense." You shuddered, wrapping your arms around yourself. "But that's...that's good. Fuck them. Fuck slavers. However you killed them, they deserved it."

Ushar laughed, and Vicrul flashed you a brilliant smile. "Oh, they aren't dead, Miss Ren. Death would have been too easy of a punishment."

You just looked at him. Then at Ushar, who was watching you with crossed arms and a devilish smile on his face. Giddy, almost. An icy chill dripped down your spine as you realized what he meant—their past owners were very much alive for the sole purpose of torturing them. You knew that they deserved every second of it, but it was moments like these that reminded you that you were keeping company with bloodthirsty savages. And their Master, your lover, was at the center of that. Suddenly, you felt overwhelmed. The way Vicrul was smiling at you and the virile, intense energy emitting from them made you take a step back.

You desperately glanced toward the balcony. "Well, I'm going to go—"

"Hello," came a honeyed voice from behind you, accented just like Vicrul's. "May I interrupt?"

You turned to see the brunette that had been sitting on Vicrul's lap earlier, your eyes widening at how beautiful she was up close. She had porcelain white skin and blood-red lips, with big, sweet brown eyes and a voluptuous frame. You looked her up and down, blatantly checking her out, then dawned a warm smile meant just for her. "Please interrupt. I was justabout to step outside, so these two gentlemen are all yours."

"Lovely," she cooed, smiling at them and then at you. "I'm Ixxie, by the way, what's your—"

Vicrul cut her off. "Miss Ren, why don't we accompany you?"

"No, no, don't worry about it," you insisted, taking backward steps away from them. "I'll be just right out there on the terrace, you know, ten stories high, like you said. So I won't be going far, even if I wanted to." You winked at him.

If Ixxie was confused by the exchange, she handled it with grace. She waited for Vicrul to reluctantly nod at you before extending her hand out to Ushar. "So, it's nice to meet you. Where are you from?"

Ushar responded animatedly, his dispute with Vicrul long forgotten. With one last glance at them, you turned away and headed for the balcony. You felt warm and light as you crossed the ballroom in what felt like seconds. The high ceilings seemingly reached into the cosmos, making the room feel larger than it was, but with a few lithe strides, you arrived at the terrace in a matter of moments. Before moving toward the balcony, you swiveled and made eye contact with Vicrul to prove you were still close enough to be monitored. After giving him an annoyed wave, you turned around and stepped outside.

You instantly felt better as you reached the railing. You curled your hands around the edge and leaned all your weight back, pointing your face up to take in the stars and moons shining in the night sky. You felt yourself relax as a cool breeze tickled your cheeks and bare back, enjoying your solitude. Air traffic was restricted in this part of the city, so it was quiet apart from the party ambiance emanating from the ballroom. And it was here, as you soaked up the twinkling constellations alone, that you realized you hadn't felt this peaceful in a long time.

"Cigarette?"

"Ah, fuck!" you yelled, letting go of the railing and jumping back. You whipped your head to the side to see a petite blonde watching you with an amused expression on her face.

"So sorry, love. I didn't mean to scare you." She held out a carton of cigarettes. "Smoke?"

You pinned your arms across your chest, shaking your head no. "I don't smoke, but thank you."

"Ah," she mused, stepping beside you to lean her forearms against the railing. There was a brief pause while she lit her cigarette, sucking in a deep breath and blowing the fumes in the opposite direction of your face. "Technically, I don't smoke either," she muttered, glancing at you before taking another drag. "Ixxie would kill me if she saw me, so don't worry, I'll make it quick."

"Ixxie...Ixxie...you mean the Ixxie over there, with Vicrul and Ushar?" You spun around, locating the knights just inside. Sure enough, she was cozying up to Vicrul again, who, at that exact moment, glanced in your direction again like a devoted watchdog. Of course.

She lifted her perfectly groomed brow at you. "What in the seven hells is a Vicrul?"

You snorted. "That man, over there. That's a Vicrul." You pointed at him from across the terrace. "And next to him is Ushar. And the girl...is that your friend, Ixxie?"

"Friend, wife, soulmate..." She took another drag. "And a giant pain in my ass, but that's alright. She's my pain in the ass." You looked back at Ixxie, then back at the woman next to you. Then back to Ixxie. You must have appeared confused because she laughed, throwing her head back. "You should see your face right now," she chuckled. "I know what it is. You think it's weird that she is over there, throwing herself at him, when she is married to me, yeah?"

"What? Oh, no," you insisted, shaking your head. You didn't mean to come off as rude or judgmental. "Not at all, I just—"

She raised her hand. "Don't worry about it. It's different for a lot of people. But our understanding is this: our relationship will always come first. We will always take care of each other and always love one another with our whole hearts." She took one last puff before dropping the cigarette and smashing it with her heel. "That being said...we also like to have some fun, every now and again."

"Oh," you breathed, looking back inside at Ixxie. She was speaking to both men as she leaned into Vicrul, tracing the tattoos on his arm. It did look like she was having fun, laughing in a way that made her look so unapologetically free. A pang of sadness splintered through you, realizing that Ixxie reminded you of yourself back in the day. Before you were taken. "So, she can do whatever she wants?" you murmured, fixated on the trio from across the room.

Next to you, the woman hummed. "Yes, both of us can. As long as we are transparent and check in with each other, we are free to do as we please. I don't own her, and she doesn't own me."

"Oh. Nice," you said lamely. You turned away and focused on the sprawling city view from the balcony. Your heart felt heavy, and your palms felt sweaty. You'd been trying so hard to just have a good night, to just ignore the topic of your freedom until after the party. But you knew how naive that was, how impossible.

Your visitor was silent, but she was sneaking glances at you. You knew you were being standoffish—a little rude, even, but you couldn't help it. The dazzle of the ball began to wear off, and all you were left with was the realization that Kylo still hadn't made it clear that you were no longer under prisoner restrictions.

Her soft voice broke your trance. "I'm so sorry, I don't mean to pry...but, are you okay?" She gently touched your arm. "I'm a bit of an empath, love, and I can feel your sadness like it's my own."

You took a deep breath and met her concerned gaze. "I'm okay," you lied. You tried to smile. "Just had too much to drink, is all."

She eyed you. You knew that she knew you were lying.

"Okay, but..." she trailed off, her eyes flitting inside, then back to you. Even though you were the only two people on the balcony, she lowered her voice and stepped closer to you. "That man, Vicrul. He keeps looking out here. Are you in any type of danger?"

You blinked. "Danger? No. No, not at all," you said, perhaps too quickly. You spun around to look back inside again. Sure enough, Vicrul was keeping an eye on you. But so was someone else. Kylo.

Fuck. "Ah, hey, I gotta go," you said abruptly, stepping away from her. You attempted your best smile, which didn't quite reach your eyes. "But it's been so nice speaking to you...ah, I'm sorry. What's your name?"

"Myla," she said, extending her hand for you to take. "And you are?"

You hesitated. You hadn't been asked that in so long. But you grabbed her hand to shake it and let your name slip through your lips. You got chills, just hearing it aloud sending a jolt of electricity through your body, Zeven's words from yesterday ringing through your mind. Don't forget who you are.

You held onto her hand for a bit longer than was appropriate, and it wasn't until she cleared her throat that you let go. "Uhm, sorry. I gotta go, but it was nice meeting you, Myla."

You glanced behind you at Kylo, who was teetering closer to you. Emotion threatened to consume you. Everything about him was regal. From the way his black hair framed his sharp, prominent jawline to the perfect way his form filled out that black suit, there was no denying the fact that his presence was irresistibly alluring. You knew that from the moment he took his helmet off all those months ago.

My lover. My monster. Something in the back of your mind was trying to get your attention. Screaming at you, actually. Something Zeven said. But you couldn't focus on it. All you saw was Kylo. Your feet carried you toward him.

"Wait, wait!" Myla called out, grabbing your arm.

You spun around, eyes dropping to her purse as she frantically dug through it. Within seconds she pulled out a pen. "I doubt you have a datapad on you with a dress like that," she said, gesturing to your gown, "but I want to give you my number. We are having an anniversary party next week, and I would love it if you could come."

"Oh, okay," you heard yourself say. "That sounds great."

She grabbed your arm and scribbled down some numbers. "So please call me for more details, or simply if you need anything at all, okay?"

After she dropped your arm and glanced around you to peek inside, a concerned expression on her face, it dawned on you that the number on your arm had nothing to do with the anniversary party. You gave her a slow, understanding nod. "Thank you, Myla."

"You're welcome," she said, following up with your name. She gave you a lingering, solemn look. "You have a nice night, now."

You turned away from her and made your way to Kylo, your mind threatening to go into overdrive. You tried your best to push your emotions aside, to mute yourself so he wouldn't pick up on them.

"Kitten," he said, opening his arms, and inviting you in for a hug.

You wrapped your arms around him and breathed him in. "What's going on?" you muttered against his chest, looking up at him. "Is everything okay?"

He nodded, pulling away from you to slump against the wall. He looked exhausted. "There was a security breach, but it has been handled."

You joined him on the wall. "Oh? Who?"

"A Resistance fighter found a way onto the Finalizer."

Your lips parted in surprise. "A Resistance fighter willingly approached a dreadnought? What, who? And why on Naboo would they want to do that?"

"They won't say." Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose. "I will have to make them talk when we return."

A chill reached your back, and you crossed your arms across your chest. "Do you, uh, know who it is?"

"No." He looked down at you. "I—" Kylo stopped, tilting his head to the side. "What's on your arm?"

"Oh, it's Myla's number. It's a friend I made on the balcony," you said, pointing behind you. "She seems really nice, and she, uh, invited me to her anniversary party."

"Ah." Kylo looked back up, his face unreadable. You anxiously waited for him to say something, anything to ease your worries. You just needed to hear him say that you were free, that he didn't own you. But the silence that followed was fucking loud.

You bit your lip. "Yeah...so...I want to go to that."

"When is it?" he asked, distracted as he kept his eyes on the crowd, his hand finding your lower back.

You raised your voice over the crowd cheering on the band. "Next week."

He shook his head. "No. Too soon."

Your heart sank. Your body involuntarily started to shake. Everything you'd been ignoring was coming to a head. You felt it. In your bones, in your soul. Your voice was just a broken whisper. "But I thought...I thought things were different now."

Kylo still wouldn't look at you. "They are."

"Then let me go," you pleaded, trying to regain composure. "Please, Kylo."

"No," he said, matter-of-factly. "And we aren't discussing this now." He grabbed your arm. "Come on, let's get you another drink."

"No," you flared, ripping away from him. "If things are different, why does it seem like I'm still your prisoner? Like you own me?"

"I don't own you," he stated, tone indifferent. "Let's—"

"Look at me!" you demanded, raising your voice just as the applause died down inside. But you didn't care.

Kylo made eye contact with you, still speaking in an infuriatingly calm manner. "People are watching, Kitten. Let's go somewhere more private."

You glared at him. "Since when do you care about making a scene?"

He took a deep breath and held out his hand. "Please."

"Fine," you snapped. You turned back toward the balcony and veered to the right, leading the way to a small, secluded alcove in the corner of the terrace. Within moments, he joined you. You didn't waste any time. "I have been very patient, Kylo. It's time we have this conversation. I can't continue to ignore it and just assume things will be okay," you said, keeping your voice as steady as possible. You straightened your back, lifted your chin, and placed your hands on your hips. "It's time that you let me come and go as I please."

Kylo spoke slowly as if you were a child. "I understand where you are coming from. I do. But—"

"There should be no but," you hissed, your hands clenching into fists. "You do not own me."

"I don't, but all of this is very complicated. I need more time to trust you."

"Trust me?" you repeated, your eyes wide with stupefaction. "Kylo, what about me trusting you? You are the one that did unspeakable things to me, and yet, here I am, extending you my trust. What else could you possibly need from me?"

"Time, I need more time," he said, speaking with his hands to try and calm you down. "You are being unrealistic. There's a certain protocol—"

"Wait—protocol? Did I hear that correctly?" You incessantly shook your head, mouth open in an offended gawk. "Tell me, Kylo, what is the protocol for fucking your prisoner, hmmm? Please, enlighten me on what you did to the last girl you captured because—"

"Enough," Kylo spat, his facade of control shattering. His hands shot to your waist as he pulled you in, smashing your torso against his before slithering up your back to grip the base of your neck. He tilted you back to force you to look at him. "I told you, there is only you. There has never been anyone like you, and there never will be anyone like you. Why won't you believe me?"

"I—"

"No," he snapped, gently shaking you, "listen to me, Kitten. There is only you. Do you understand?"

You froze in his arms, unable to digest this feeling. He was looking at you like you were the center of the galaxy, of his galaxy. It filled you up and overwhelmed all your senses, drowning out the alarms blaring in the back of your mind. As the resulting silence echoed in your mind, you felt your anger slip away in his embrace. All you could manage was a nod.

"You are all I ever need," Kylo rasped, holding you tighter. "And one day, I hope you see that I'm all you will ever need. I will give you everything. I will give you what you give me. A home."

Home? Your body vibrated at the sound of the word, from that fucking feeling. It kept rearing its ugly head. Home. But this couldn't be home, just like Zeven said. Not if he didn't trust you. You were still a prisoner to the First Order. New quarters and a fluffy kitten and this beautiful dress with a neck dripping in diamonds wouldn't fix that. Home. His eyes darted across your face as though he was reading you like a book. But your feelings, your thoughts...they were not ink on a page. No. You weren't blessed with something so concrete. How could you be? You didn't know what you felt. You only had fragments of feelings and thoughts that existed inside of you, ever-changing and flowing through you like a riptide—destructive, powerful, and unpredictable.

You closed your eyes and clutched back at him. You were a mess. You wanted love so badly. You wanted him, and he wanted you—so what if it wasn't perfect? Your breaths were shallow as they poured out of you. Those alarms pierced through the buzz in your head, unwilling to be silenced, shouting conflicting messages. Home. An abandoned pet, just like he called you since day one. A little fool. You're a lonely, desperate, broken girl...this, you know. You hated this man once upon a time. Do you still? I need to escape. He felt like home. Don't forget who you are.

Kylo kissed you. You little fool. Warm, soft, desperate, he wrapped his arms around you, your bodies colliding as his heady sounds of pleasure vibrated between your locked lips. Breathing each other in as you hummed soft sighs against him, such sweet release, as he eagerly sucked them down and consumed them, consumed you. Conflict, passion. Home. Maybe it's not so bad if I stay with him...

He pushed you against the wall, holding your hands beside your head as he leaned down to kiss your neck. "You're submitting to me," Kylo breathed, lips devouring you.

You arched your back at the touch. Your skin was on fire. The warmth felt so good, yet you knew too much of it would leave you burned. "No, ahhh—" you tried to stay firm, but Kylo's teeth sunk into your collarbone, and an electric current shot down and traveled between your legs.

"Yes, you are," he gasped. "I feel it."

You shut your eyes. He didn't sound arrogant, or possessive or crazy. He sounded thrilled. Relieved.

"I, I, I—"

He pulled away from you, towering over you, and cut you off with one little word. Your name. Followed by something that made your stomach drop to the floor. "I want you to join me. Rule with me and be my Empress." He swallowed thickly. "And I will be yours, until the end of time."

Your head spun. Your heart stuttered in your chest. You could barely form your words. "What? I...I can't be an Empress. Your Empress, Kylo."

"Why not? You're everything to me. Don't you see that?"

Tears started to stream down your face. "Kylo, I can't."

"Yes, yes, you can," he insisted, blinking rapidly. "I will be better. I will give you anything. I will give you everything." He grabbed your shoulders. "You want to. I feel it. It's time to stop running, to stop fighting. You love me, and I love you. I didn't know what that was until I met you, but now I do. This is what love is."

You gripped the top of his hands, tears flowing freely now. Your voice broke as you spoke to him. "But you still won't let me leave, will you? Even if I did choose this, to submit entirely, you would never fully trust me, would you?"

"One day. Just not now."

"Kylo! Keeping me locked up...that's not love. To own someone—that isn't love," you blubbered as you sobbed. "This whole thing between us...its lust and infatuation, and possession."

"No, it's not," he growled, anger flashing in his eyes. His hands left your shoulders to grasp your face. "You are not listening to me."

"You're not listening to me! I—"

"I said stop fighting it," Kylo snarled, and you tried to flinch back from his hold. You hadn't seen this side of him in months. He looked rabid, unstable. And for the first time in a long time, fear settled in your lower belly.

"Please let go of me," you whispered. "You're scaring me."

He didn't. Eyes wild, chest heaving, he only gripped your face harder. "Tell me I'm yours, Kitten. Just like you ask me to do. Tell me I'm yours."

Tears rushed down your face. "Kylo, I...I want to, but I can't. Not like this."

"Yes, you can, YES, YOU CAN!" he exploded, slamming his fist into the wall behind you. He yelled as you stumbled away from him. "SAY IT!"

You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing would come out, horror twisting in your lower belly at just how enraged he looked. This went far beyond how he used to be. This was worse. You nervously looked around at the worried faces stealing glances at you from the balcony. Kylo still had his sights locked on you, waiting for you to give him what he wanted, but your throat felt tight and your chest heavy with despair. It was so debilitating, you could have cried from relief when he tore his intense gaze from you and moved to address the approaching officer.

"This better be important," Kylo seethed, pacing in front of you.

"Ye-yes, sir. The security breach has escalated to a stage 5 incident, s-sir," he said in a hushed voice, nervously glancing at you. "We need a course of action immediately."

Kylo rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. "The report. Give it to me."

The officer threw you another shifty glance before leaning in toward Kylo, lowering his voice even more. At the same moment, the party inside erupted in applause at the finish of the band's set, disrupting your plans to eavesdrop. But judging by Kylo's stiff body language and the way the officer immediately scurried off, you assumed it was bad news. And to confirm your suspicions, Kylo's knights suddenly appeared around the small alcove, arriving from all different directions. Kylo and Vicrul shared a swift nod, and without a word, all six of them followed after the receding officer, weaving through the crowd.

You wiped the tears off of your face. "Kylo, what—"

He grabbed your hand and, without looking at you, he snatched you off the wall back toward the ballroom. "We are leaving."

"Leaving?" you cried, struggling to keep up with his pace. Bystanders rushed to get out of his way. "But what's going on?"

"Not. Now." He tugged at you even harder, nearly forcing you to collide with a servant holding a tray of some type of snack that most definitely still looked alive.

"Let go!" you yelled, trying to twist your hand out of his grasp. "Please! You need to let me—"

Kylo whipped around and pointed a finger in your face. "I don't need to let you do anything, pet," he snapped, feral rage flashing in his eyes. You struggled to step back, but he yanked you closer to him, the grip on your wrist becoming painful. "Right now, I am your Supreme Leader, and you are my prisoner. That means you will follow my orders without hesitation. Am. I. Understood?"

Your lips parted in disgust as you stared at him in disbelief, trying to find a sliver of the man that had told you he loved you just minutes ago. But as you searched his eyes, you couldn't unearth him. Raising your hand, you moved to slap him across the face, but before you could make contact, a blinding flash and a thundering bang forced you apart. You gasped as the blast sent you sliding against the floor, propelling you away from him as a rush of air and heat enveloped you. At first, all you could hear was the sound of flames crackling.

Then the screams began.

Ears ringing and head spinning, you sat up and looked around, trying to orientate yourself. You hurt everywhere, and the smell of smoke began to penetrate your senses. When it dawned on you there had just been an attack on the celebration, you immediately fell into flight-or-fight mode. You were in danger, and you had to focus. You had to survive. But then came another explosion. You instantly thought of Hux—did he escape? Is he here to kill Kylo and take his place? Panic and chaos erupted all around you. Smoke, so much smoke. Rubble on the bright, shiny floors. Guests bleeding and running and yelling. And above it all: the whine of X-wings.

And then it hit you. This wasn't Hux. This was the Resistance.

Fuck. You shot up, ignoring the piercing pain consuming your side. You spun around, desperately searching the wreckage to find Kylo. You couldn't see him, though. A hole had been blown into the wall where the alcove had been only moments ago, sending black fumes billowing from the flames that started to lick up the walls. You began to cough, your lungs forcefully trying to expel the vapors that took shelter in your chest. You had to get out of there, and you had to get out now. But you couldn't remember which way led to an exit. You had relied on Kylo for that, but now you were all alone.

"Fucking hells," you cursed, angry with yourself for failing to observe the perimeter of the ballroom. Before you were taken, you would have never entered a new place without locating the fastest way out. You had grown too comfortable with someone else taking care of you. You little fool. Without visibility, you pushed forward, limping as you kept a hand pressed to your side. You vaguely realized that it was warm and sticky. You were bleeding. But you had to keep walking.

But to where? Everything was a mess, smoke was everywhere, and guests were sprawled across the floor. Some groaning, some lifeless. And there was absolutely no sign of Kylo or his knights. "Kylo?" you tried to call out for him, but smoke invaded your airways and caused you to choke on his name.

Air, I need fresh air. You placed one foot in front of the other, a moment of clarity telling you to head back toward the terrace. The balcony you were just standing on with Myla, not too long ago. The one with the stars and the breeze and the fresh air. Miraculously, you orientated yourself in the right direction, despite the black smoke that impeded most of your vision. You had never felt something sweeter than the cool breeze hitting your face as you stepped outside. You made it. Now you just had to—

Bang.

Another blinding flash, another explosion. You screamed as you ducked, covering your head with your hands as you waited for impact. It never came. All you could hear was the whine of an engine. Loud, so fucking loud. It sounded like it was right on top of you. And when you lifted your hands off your head to look up, you saw that a shuttle was right on top of you.

Your mouth gaped open. You knew that shuttle. You knew every single square inch of it. You knew the way it smelled, the way it felt, the way it hummed and groaned and creaked. It was your home, once upon a time. And when the ramp opened in mid-air, peering down at you was the face of your best friend. Zeven.

Head spinning, you slammed your eyes shut and reasoned with yourself. This isn't real. This isn't real. Surely you were dead. The blast had killed you, and this was some fucked up afterlife you had to endure for all the lives you had claimed. Your personal hell, forever taunting you with a false opportunity of safety, quite literally hovering right out of your grasp while being stuck in a burning building with your captor. That's what this was. It isn't real.

You heard your name being screamed. Over and over again. Something about this felt familiar. You snapped your head up to look into the shuttle hovering above you. It really was Zeven on that ramp, shouting your name like that night in Mos Eisley. Except this time, they weren't abandoning you. They came for you. Your heart pounded. This is real.

"Hurry!" Zeven yelled, tossing down a vibrocord that uncoiled in front of you. You didn't hesitate to grab it, your feet immediately leaving the ground as she struggled to pull you up. "You have to climb!"

Biting back the pain in your ribs, you started to haul yourself up. But within seconds, a gust of wind violently blew you sideways, so strong you thought you were going to lose your hold and fall to your death. Then came a growl, slicing through your mind like a knife cutting through flesh.

"Don't you dare."

Your mouth popped open in an agonizing scream, chills tormenting your flesh as a wave of nausea hit you in the face. You knew this feeling; your body knew this feeling. It was Kylo, ruthlessly invading your mind. And as the rope propelled you from side to side, you realized it wasn't the wind that was moving you. It was him. The Supreme Leader, your captor, your monster. Trying to pull you back to him as he said your name as though he were sentencing you to death.

Chaos engulfed you. The mechanical whirring of the ship vibrated in your bones, drowning out the screams of party-goers as they tried to flee the burning ballroom. Smoke surrounded you, stinging your eyes and burning your throat. You could still hear Zeven scream above you, calling out to her comrades to help bring you up. You silently prayed in your mind. To whom, you didn't even know. Please make it stop.

The blinding pain ceased for a brief, sweet moment, and you were able to focus enough to see that you were dangling right above the balcony. You heard your name again, and upon shooting your frantic gaze down, you saw Kylo glaring at you amidst a backdrop of fire and smoke. He looked angry, yes, but he looked hurt, too. Not just physically—he looked heartbroken. A crazy part of you considered letting go of the rope, letting yourself drop down into his arms, letting Zeven fly away without you. As his words from earlier echoed in your mind, you loosened your grip.

You're everything to me. Don't you know that?

Sobs swelled in your throat as you slid down the rope, looking down to gauge how far you had to jump. The fall to the balcony wouldn't hurt. You weren't too far from the ground. You had endured worse. Much, much worse. You slid down a little bit further.

"NO!" You froze when you heard your name again. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CLIMB UP!"

You threw a stressed glance up at Zeven. Then back at Kylo. He looked badly hurt as he hobbled over to the balcony, blood dripping from his side. Your fingers twitched around the vibrocord as you stared at him, replaying everything that had happened since you were taken. Everything. The good and the bad. Your brain throbbed, memories and feelings clashing through your mind until it felt like you were being torn apart. But above it all, you heard Kylo's last words to you before the attack. They filled you, claiming your consciousness and shattering your heart.

You are still my prisoner.

You moved quickly, putting all your strength into dragging yourself up the cord. Kylo's retaliative Force attack immediately returned as he drew the rope toward the balcony, toward him. The pain in your mind unfolded once again as he forced his way inside.

"You will stay with me."

Strangled, desperate noises ripped from your throat. Hell. He was putting you through hell. It was worse, so much worse than what you remembered during his interrogations and from what you could recall from Sector 45B. It ate away at you, nipping and clawing, threatening to weaken your hold on the rope and bring you crashing down to the balcony. But despite the pull from the Force trying to rip you away from the vibrocord, you were able to heave yourself up, panting and full of adrenaline as your mind regurgitated one word over and over again.

Home, home, home.

The moment you tumbled onto the ramp, the construct of time deteriorated in your mind. Hands on you. Somebody pulling you to your feet. Familiar faces. The sound of the ramp closing behind you. The humming of the ship, ready to take off. But then, it jolted forward, sending everyone crashing to the ground. Then came the pressure. Insurmountable pressure. Beginning inside of your head and overflowing, blanketing your entire body.

Kylo started with your name. "Please don't do this to me."

This time, no pain. Just a crushing force. You could hear him like he was next to you. No, inside of you, inside your mind. And somehow, you knew where to go next. Like he was in control of your body, your feet moved toward the cockpit. You hovered above the panicking pilots as they tried to understand why the ship was stalling in mid-air.

"What the fuck!" the pilot screamed.

"I don't know, I don't know!" the co-pilot yelled back.

"The Force," you said flatly, in shock as you lifted a finger to point at Kylo, who was still standing in the empty, inflamed ballroom. Destruction and death were all around him, and yet, his face was alive with fury, his hair and tie blowing back from the wind force of the ship. With his palm facing you, he splayed his fingers out, twisting his wrist and using the Force to keep you there. To keep you home. Behind him, the knights emerged from a thick wall of smoke. One by one, they skulked forward, mimicking their Master's stance as they joined him in his efforts. With a violent heave, the ship jolted toward them.

The pilot panicked. "HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

"I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW! WE NEED LIGHTSPEED, NOW!"

Another twitch of Kylo's hand and you went stumbling forward. The ship was teetering closer and closer to the palace, about to make impact with the balcony. He was going to crash the shuttle just to keep you here with him. Make you pummel into the terrace where you had stood with Myla. Where she looked at you like a human being. Where she asked for your name. Where you had gotten chills for saying it.

Remember who you are.

Grating metal ripped through your eardrums, snapping you to attention. Kylo had both hands up now, dragging the ship closer. Your face almost smashed into the glass from the sharp movement, but you caught yourself as you peered directly into the eyes of the Supreme Leader. Your monster. Your lover. Love, love, love. He looked as desperate as he sounded.

"Stay with me."

"FUCK!" More panicked screams from inside the cockpit. "LIGHTSPEED, NOW!"

"WE CAN'T, NOT UNTIL—"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO IT!"

With a burst of stuttering power, the ship took off. You clutched onto the back of the pilot's seat, trying not to tumble over. Screams filled the entire shuttle. Dizzy, you were so dizzy as the ship jumped into hyperspace. But that was it. You were gone. You were free. The mere thought brought you crumpling to the floor, gasping for air as though you hadn't taken a full breath in years. The oxygen in here tasted as it always did—smoke, rust, and earth. It made you gag.

Bringing your head between your knees, you shut your eyes, hoping for relief, but it only worsened. Behind your eyelids was Kylo in that ballroom, body rigid with effort as he used every ounce of his power to keep you with him. Bleeding and injured as he watched you with a face full of anger and grief and betrayal. You started to cry.

Home.