These Violent Delights

Chapter 62: Welcome Home

Beep.

You groaned.

Beep.

You wiggled your toes.

Beep.

Hushed voices spoke above you. "Doctor, she's awake."

Beep.

Your head lolled to the side. "Where the fuck am I?" you tried to ask but could only manage, "I, uhmmmm?"

"Hey there, honey."

You opened your eyes at the familiar voice. A few blinks later, and you focused on the kind face of Dr. Cullen, and your lips turned up in a loopy smile. "I thought you...were...dead."

His brows knit. "Excuse me?"

"The Finalizer. It...it didn't blow up? Thass good, thass..." you yawned, wincing at the world of pain it elicited. "Ow."

He placed a hand on your forehead. "I know, hon. We will bring you something for discomfort."

You nodded, your body responding to the soreness in your bones and the coldness of the room. "What, what happened?" you croaked out, holding your stomach as nausea started to build. "I was on Exegol, and then, I can't...I can't remember."

He gave you a sympathetic smile. "You were severely injured in the crash. We placed you in a bacta tank and you will recover, but confusion is normal. It will take some time for you to come around. Try to relax."

"What? What crash? What happened?" you asked, more coherent now as the anxiety started to seep in. "Where's the Supreme Leader? Why isn't he in here with me?"

Carlisle ignored you, speaking quietly to the nurse in the room. "Get me three milligrams of Myoplexaril."

"Hello?" you asked, raising your voice. "I said, where is Kylo? Where is the Supreme Leader?"

He put his hands up, trying to calm you. "Please, you're in a fragile state right now. You need to relax."

"I don't want to relax," you snapped, sitting up. Your head spun, and bile rose in your throat, but the pit in your stomach told you that something was terribly wrong. "I...I need to get out of here. I need, I need—"

"You need to lay down," he said, firmly grabbing your shoulders. He pushed you back into the bed and threw a glance over his shoulder. "Three milligrams of Myoplexaril, now."

"Where's Kylo?" you asked again, voice cracking. Carlisle fought to keep you down, and you started to shout. The vital sign monitor beeped wildly. "Where is he? What crash?"

"It's okay, it's okay," the nurse soothed. "Doctor, hold her down."

"No, no," you panicked, eyes following the syringe as the nurse grabbed your wrist. The moment you saw the bandage wrapped around your palm, it all came back to you. Hux. The crystals. Luke. The crash. Kylo. I have to find Kylo. Fixated on that thought, you had no choice but to fight your way out. Mustering as much strength as possible, you headbutted Dr. Cullen.

He stumbled back in surprise, groaning in pain, and the nurse yelped as you pushed yourself off the bed to run for it. She tried to stop you, but you yanked out the tubes connected to your arm, dragged the IV pole toward you, and slammed it against her. You spun around and bolted through the door, immediately hit in the face with how fucking bright the medbay was.

You squinted your eyes, head viciously pounding as your bare feet slammed against the cool ground. You ran down the length of the corridor but had to come to a stop when you reached two locked double doors. You screamed for Kylo, frantically whipping your head back and forth to look for him. But all the rooms were empty in this section of the medbay.

"Kylo, I'm here!" you cried, pulse skyrocketing. "Where are you?"

Two surgeons exited the restricted area in front of you, and you pushed past them to run through the doors. They yelled for security, but you didn't slow down as you went deeper into the quieter part of the medbay. The absence of staff allowed you to check each room, but your heart dropped as you found most of them were locked or empty. Slowing to a stop at the end of the hallway, a numbness began to sink in. He isn't here. He didn't make it.

"KYLO!" you screamed as the nurses rushed after you. You ignored them as they put their hands on you. "Please, Kylo," you whispered, looking up at the glossy white ceilings. "Please."

Your chest felt heavy, so fucking heavy and your throat was tight. Trembles wracked your body. The kind that made you forget what it felt like to be still. You fell apart as you were being guided away. Tears impeded your vision, and your shoulders slumped to the ground. Your brain kept repeating the same word, echoing within the void that carved its way into your chest. Please.

"Kitten?"

You turned your head to the left, where you heard his faint voice. "Kylo?"

He said your name with effort. "I'm in here."

You broke free from the nurses, the hospital gown outlining your figure as it flapped behind you. Chills wracked your body as you called out to him, the brisk air caressing your tear-streaked face. "Kylo, I'm here! Where are you?"

He said your name again, this time from behind you. You froze and spun around, picking the first door you saw. You felt lightheaded upon opening it. You saw him. Shirtless and bandaged, Kylo sat upright in the hospital bed, his pale skin almost glowing under the bright, fluorescent lights. Bruises and cuts splattered across his chest like a constellation, and the dark circles around his eyes seemed to swallow them whole. But he was in one piece, somehow, and staring at you like you were the center of his galaxy.

Tears dripped down your cheeks. "You're alive."

From across the room, you could see him swallow. "You're here."

You ran to him. As you approached, Kylo winced and slid over to make space next to him. You carefully sat on the edge of his bed and went to hug him, but stopped yourself. You were afraid of hurting him.

Carefully pivoting toward you, he gave you a rough demand. "Come."

Wasting no more time, you melted against him. You grasped the back of his neck with your hands, molding your torso against his. He draped his heavy arms around your waist, and besides your sniffling, the two of you sat in silence as you soaked up each other's presence. The nurses came in while he held you, but Kylo gave them a wave of his hand, and they left you alone.

You leaned away, eyes trailing down the length of his body. "You're okay. I can't believe it."

He brought a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek. "Because of you."

"Kylo, I almost killed you. I almost killed both of us. I had no business flying your silencer," you said, shaking your head. A relieved, manic laugh slipped through your lips. "Which, by the way, when you're out of here, we are talking about that whole call-me-Daddy-or-self-destruct thing."

"An outdated precaution," he said, unperturbed and unapologetic. His eyes darted up and down your body. "What about you? Are you hurt?" He shifted to sit up straighter and gently grabbed your bandaged hand to turn it over. "The crystal, what happened after you grabbed it?"

You flinched, removing it from his grasp and looking down. "Luke called it to him. He died saving me."

"Yes. He's gone. I feel it. But you..." He hooked a finger under your chin, connecting your eyes with his. "I don't feelyou, Kitten. Not anymore. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. The universe probably reconsidered when it realized how crazy I am." You tried to laugh and brush it off, but it sounded unconvincing even to your ears. "Really, I don't think I was meant to have the Force."

"No. You're wrong," he said, giving an absolute shake of his head. "We are a dyad. One in the Force. You are meant to have your powers, but you risked them for me. You gave everything to the Sith Lords for me."

You gave him a small smile. "You came to Exegol, alone, to save me. I'd say we are even."

"No. What you've done for me, what you've endured because of me..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "I don't deserve you."

"No, Kylo," you said softly, placing your uninjured hand on top of his. "For better or worse, I think we deserve each other."

With his eyes darting across your face and bottom lip trembling, he sucked in a deep breath and said your name. "This is still my fault. Luke tried to give me the pendant on Batuu, but I didn't take it. I, I didn't believe him or trust him, especially not with you, but—"

You cut him off with a kiss. It was soft and gentle and barely there, but it was enough to soothe his disquiet. "You protected me," you murmured against his lips. "None of this is your fault. Okay?"

You waited until he gave you a shaky nod before pulling back. The Supreme Leader watched you for a long time, his fingers gently caressing the top of your burnt hand. A comfortable silence settled between you, and you leaned in to lay down next to him, but he shook his head as he started to rise from the bed.

"Wait, Kylo—"

He ignored you. Grimacing, he peeled his back off the hospital bed and plucked out the IVs in his arm. A shrill alarm went off in the room, and you could hear fast footsteps approaching the door.

You grabbed his arm. "Whoa, wait, what are you doing?"

Not looking at you, he swung his legs off the side of the bed and slowly pushed himself up. "Leaving."

"Kylo, you almost died. You need to stay here and heal."