These Violent Delights

Chapter 40: Family

It had been two days now, and you still couldn't get Kylo's words out of your head.

"I'm in love with you."

You exhaled deeply, closing your eyes to let the hot water of the shower bite at your skin, your mind replaying that night in your head like a broken holorecord. After those five tiny words slipped from his mouth, your heart had stopped. You felt lightheaded, dizzy. Like all the oxygen in your lungs had vanished. Never in a million eons did you expect your prisoner and captor dynamic to grow into love. But what's more complicated than your captor confessing their love for you? A prisoner returning those feelings. And admitting them.

"I'm in love with you too."

At first, Kylo didn't react. He didn't move. He didn't blink. You weren't even sure he was breathing. It wasn't until you called his name that he snapped out of it, rushing over to you so quickly, he was just a blur. He wrapped his arms around you, suffocating you with that giant fucking tree-trunk chest of his as he breathed your name. There was only a brief exchange of words before the silence came. It was loud, all-encompassing, and very, very welcomed. The two of you didn't talk about it after, and the majority of the night was spent in a deep, blissful quietness as you washed up together, utilizing the shower stall in your private room.

He had rested you against the wall before cleaning himself, scrubbing his blackened face and shampooing his filthy hair saturated with sweat and cinders. Then Kylo tended to you, washing the ash out of your hair and sending a puddle of black soot swirling down the drain. He took his time lathering the soap over your body, bathing you with gentle hands. Completely respectful, completely innocent. It wasn't until you put your hands on his chest and looked up into his eyes that his fingers moved more ardently over your skin.

Your heart fluttered, remembering how there wasn't one part of your body that his mouth didn't claim that night. He started with your lips, trailing down your jawline and landing on your neck. He sucked on you softly as he pinned your hands above your head, holding them tightly as the hot water poured down on his back, blocking you from the stream. Then he traveled down to nip your collarbone before planting soft kisses all over your breasts. He released your hands from above you, so he could palm and caress your soft flesh, taking your nipples into his mouth with gentle nibbles.

It felt like hours before he knelt down to look up at you through wet lashes, beads of water dripping from his hair and face. Keeping his eyes locked on you, he lifted one of your legs up and over his shoulder, giving him access to the heat between your legs. He took his time savoring you, tasting your cunt with slow laps of his tongue. By the time he was finished with you, you were about to collapse.

But you didn't, of course, because Kylo was right there to pick you up and take you against the wall, just like he had so many times before. Except this time, it felt...different. Not a word was spoken between the two of you. Instead, the shower stall was filled with your soft sighs and his heavy moans vibrating against your skin, his lips never not on your body.

You still felt giddy at the thought, sucking on your bottom lip as you picked up the shampoo. The things this man did to you...you would never get used to it. The way he held you, the way he fucked you. It was intoxicating. It was raw and passionate. Satisfying. You felt heard, seen. Loved. And even though there wasn't much conversation for the rest of the night, there was one thing he said, laying half asleep in that tiny-ass hospital bed, that gave you everything you needed to hear.

"I'm so sorry," he had whispered, lips moving against your hair, "I will never Force-compel you again."

You had swallowed the emotion rising in your throat, nodding against him. "Thank you." After that, it wasn't long before you fell asleep, nestled tightly in his arms.

You closed your eyes, leaning your head back into the stream to wash the shampoo from your hair. On autopilot, you doused your head with conditioner and massaged it into your scalp, melting away the tension that threatened to build inside your head. You didn't know what to expect moving forward. And that scared the shit out of you. It was easier when you claimed to hate him, and it was definitely easier when he gave you reasons to hate him.

But that's not to say that he wasn't infuriating; the man still drove you fucking crazy. And there was still one tiny, little thing the two of you had yet to address: your freedom. He had promised it would happen when things were more settled between the First Order and the Resistance, but who knew when that would be? You didn't want to wait. You shouldn't need to wait. You wanted him, but you also wanted the option to leave. Even if it were just for a trip to another planet to avoid Hux, or see Zev, or for whatever the fuck you wanted to do. But the opportunity for the conversation hadn't arisen, so the matter was still unaddressed.

After the night in the medbay, you migrated to his quarters, where you spent the entire day co-existing in peace. There, the only serious conversation you had was about Luke Skywalker and what had happened on Batuu. He told you everything, even divulging past information to ensure you had all the facts. It had been a taxing, long talk, and as you struggled to wrap your head around how Luke Skywalker tried to use you as a pawn again, you were too burnt out to discuss your freedom. But deep down, you knew it wasn't going to be an issue. Because things are different now, you thought, butterflies swarming in your stomach as you turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

But the topic would have to wait again until he returned from his current assignment. At first, he had insisted on staying here to oversee your recovery, but after spending two straight days with him, you needed space. So, after you convinced him you were okay by showing him just how fine you felt, he left early this morning. He gave you the option to stay in his quarters if you wanted, but you missed your cat, so here you were.

Tap, tap, tap.

You frowned. You weren't expecting anyone, and you had explicitly requested that none of the knights escort you around while he was away. But when there was another tap, tap, tap at the door, an awfully familiar sensation crept into the back of your mind. You narrowed your eyes, peeking your head through your bedroom door. "Uh, hello?"

Tap, tap, tap.

You groaned, mumbling to yourself, before yelling out to your guest. "Just a second!" Throwing your hair up in a towel, you headed to your dresser buck-ass-naked. There was another knock at your door, and you rolled your eyes—people here were so damn pushy. You were almost dressed in your First Order casuals when the knock intensified.

"Ugh, hold on!"

Nothing, then: tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap—

"Will you shut the FUCK UP!" you exploded, scaring the ever-living shit out of Ani. You watched guiltily as he jumped off your pillow, scrambling under the bed, and you detangled the towel from your hair and threw it on the ground. "Good job, asshole!" you yelled, feet slamming on the floor as you crossed your chambers." You scared the cat!"

You slammed the controls to open your doors, ready to knock out the fuckwad harassing you. But your stomach dropped.

"Good morning, Miss Ren," came Vicrul's modified voice. He was in his usual battle gear, drowning in black, with that mask pointed right at you. "Ready for our day?"