These Violent Delights

Chapter 13: You're Not Alone

I guess 'things could always get weirder' is my new mantra, you thought to yourself as you rolled over on your back.

It had been two hours since you tried to fall asleep, but you weren't awake because your cell was freezing or because you were lying on a thin mat on the ground. You were wide awake because ever since Kylo Ren started showing up in your dreams six nights ago, you had been way too excited to fall asleep. Not once did you think you'd be in a position where you wanted to see that psychopath, but your crazy ass kinda missed him...and his face?

Your heart pounded at the memory of the first time you had seen Kylo without his mask, which just so happened to be thelast time you had seen him in person. You know, that time he took his helmet off to brush your hair and massage your scalp? Yeah, that whole thing. You had turned around before he could stop you, then proceeded to stare at him with a dumbfounded expression, blown away by his unanticipated beauty. And then what did you do? You called him ugly, of course, only to feel bad about it seconds later like the big, dumb softie you were. Then, after he threw your ass out, you had reluctantly left his quarters in a daze, trying to digest the inexplicable connection you had felt with him, your captor.

Your stomach swarmed with butterflies as you tapped your fingers against your stomach, trying to work through everything that had happened in the last week. Although you hadn't seen him in the flesh, he'd been in your consciousness. A lot. And when you thought about it, you didn't know what was stranger about the last seven days: a prisoner craving their captor's presence, or the fact that you literally had spent time with Kylo inside your head.

Hence your new mantra.

But ever since you'd seen his face, this craziness had been your new normal. That night, you nearly climbed up the walls of your cell in anticipation of a visit from him. But he never came, and you started to worry you had really pissed him off, assuming the next time he stopped by, it would be to chop off your head or see how far he could throw your ass into outer space. But then, a younger Stormtrooper was stationed inside your cell, and you were finally able to get some information: the Supreme Leader had left for his assignment two days early.

If you had rubbed your two brain cells together hard enough, you would have remembered that he told you he would be going off-base this week. But you had been too busy grappling with your bizarre inclination toward him, and your brain was foggy—more than usual—so you had forgotten.

At first, there was an immense relief that he wasn't just avoiding you, but your respite turned to embarrassment. It sent you plummeting into a ripple of shame. Why am I so eager to see him? Why does it matter if he forgets about me? Why can't I stop thinking about him? Is this what Stockholm syndrome is? Or did he Force-compel me to see his face every time I close my fucking eyes?

It didn't matter how hard you tried to understand; you never found the answer. The pursuit of the truth only made you spin out more, your thoughts taking a dramatic, uncontrollable turn as you fantasized not only about Kylo, but his knights, too. That had been such a low point, you forced yourself to shut off your mind, only to find that falling asleep ironically brought you what you wanted all along: your captor.

At first, your dreamscape felt as it always did. Your happy place changed frequently, as did the shades of the sky and trees and structures, and your body moved inconsistently and without real purpose. You were positive it was just a dream. But then you saw him.

He was standing by the lake, looking up at you from the bottom of the hill, and the realness of the vision caused your panic to consume you. You suddenly couldn't tell if this was just a dream or if he had somehow used the Force to sneak into your mind, but either way, it took you a moment to act. At that point, you had been so desperate to see him again, but your instincts screamed at you that he was a threat you had to neutralize.

You eventually found the will—and brains—to snap out of it, and with fast, inconsistent movements, you barreled down the hill in attack mode. That didn't work out so well, and the entire thing ended with him kissing you against your wishes, so when you saw him again the next night, you couldn't help but be defensive.

"I told you I don't want you here," you said, stomping over to him as he sat by the lake. "Please remove yourself from my head and let me sleep in peace."

"And I told you I'm only here because you want me to be." Dark, tired eyes looked up at you. "I know you know that's true. Stop pretending, Kitten. It's exhausting. You're exhausting."

"I..." You opened your mouth to speak but closed it just as fast. He was right—it was exhausting. Your shoulders dropped. "I'm not trying to. I...I just don't understand what's happening."

Kylo was quiet for a long time. You could feel the weight of his gaze as he peered up at you, making you feel exposed and vulnerable. Especially after what had happened the night before, his mouth on yours, his tongue tracing your bottom lip, and his admission that he, too, couldn't stop thinking about you...

It was too much for you to handle, and you were grateful when he finally looked away. And yet, the silence that followed was loud. It penetrated you, bogging you down and forcing you to take a heavy seat beside him as you tried to process that you had literally manifested your enemy to come visit you in your dream. You felt embarrassed and confused, and his stolen glances at you with curious eyes only made it worse, so you remained quiet as the two of you watched the gentle lapping of the lake. Trepidation plagued you while you waited for him to mock or taunt you for opening whatever demonic portal this was that invited him into your mind. But as time passed in that strange, pastel dream world, he didn't ridicule you, and eventually, your flight or fight response relaxed.

That was the first night you spoke to Kylo Ren as a human being, and he, you.

Although you didn't open up immediately that second night, it still paved the way for the rest of the interactions you had with him since then. Normal interactions. It was jarring at first. You never expected to have an arguably pleasant conversation with someone you hated with a passion, and yet, the more time you spent with him, the more at peace you felt. You had seen the lake in your dreams a million times, but something about him being there felt familiar, like you two had been there together in a past life.

It helped you relax, and each night within this fluid, comfortable dreamscape, conversation flowed with ease. Eventually, you found yourself speaking animatedly about things you liked, planets you wanted to visit, and places you had been. You tried to get him to reciprocate, but his answers were brief and succinct, always redirecting his attention back to you.

It didn't feel avoidant or dismissive—he simply seemed engrossed in what you had to say. He often turned his body toward you, sitting with his legs crossed beneath him as he listened with his eyes locked on your face. After a while, you struggled to maintain eye contact; no one had ever given you their undivided attention before. It made you uneasy, as did the mirage of colors that played off his face, making him look like a fucking piece of art.

It was distracting; he was distracting as shadows from the ever-evolving dreamscape rolled over his features. Each night, the only constants were you, him, and the lake, while the sky changed texture depending on your conversation. When you talked about things that made you happy, the sky was a dreamy whirl of pastels, but when you got emotional, storm clouds swallowed the sun whole, leaving both of you shrouded in a low, charcoal-tinged light.

Even after spending almost a week with him in these metaphysical meetings, you still couldn't get used to the way he looked at you. It made you giddy. So much so that you were currently hurrying to fall asleep to see him. Biting your lower lip, you squeezed your eyes shut and tried to calm the nerves swimming in your stomach. You would do anything to travel back in time and stay facing forward as he brushed your hair and massaged your scalp, just to spare yourself from this madness overpowering you. And while a part of you still wanted to believe that he was manipulating you to feel this way, deep down, you knew it came from inside you. It was too strong to be an outside influence, too authentic. Too unrelenting.

So unrelenting, that another hour passed before you were even remotely calm enough to doze off. But then you finally felt your body relax, your head lolling to the side, and the chaotic swirls of colors spiraling behind your eyelids carried you deeper into unconsciousness. It didn't take long to plunge into a deep sleep, taking you to your safe place once again with the gentle breeze and chirping birds and pretty trees. And as you sat down on the shore, you sensed him immediately.

Your heart thumping in your chest, you stayed facing the lake; you didn't want to seem too eager to see him. But after a few minutes and he didn't take his usual seat beside you, you couldn't help but peek over your shoulder, curious as to what the fuck else he could be doing inside of your consciousness. The moment you laid eyes on him, your jaw dropped.

"Are you getting naked?" you blurted, surveying his boots, belt, and robes strewn across the grass at his feet.

With his hands gripping the bottom of his long-sleeve tunic, Kylo just looked at you before ripping it over his head, revealing a simple black t-shirt clinging to his massive chest and torso, accentuating his broad shoulders and the veins that wrapped around his forearms.

You spun back around and rigidly looked out at the lake, clearing your throat. After the week you spent fantasizing about him, the last thing you needed was this. "I'd prefer if you kept your clothes on."

"It's stuffy in your dreamscape," Kylo muttered, finally taking a seat next to you. You felt his eyes on you, but you were too afraid to look—you didn't know how many articles of clothing he had taken off. He sighed. "You can look at me, Kitten. I'm not naked."

Slowly turning your head toward him, you relaxed when you saw that he was still in his pants and t-shirt, and even though he looked rather casual, his presence was a stark contrast to your pastel dream world. Everything around you was so soft, so pretty. So gentle. Yet, Kylo was just sitting beside you, his legs sprawled out in front of him as he leaned back on his palms, and he still looked like a force to be reckoned with.

You let your gaze linger—he stopped teasing you for your stolen glances on night four—and that's when something hit you. You had always recognized the dominance within him, but you had thought his unsettling mask and battle attire played a role in your perception. But now, as you looked at him stripped to casual clothing, it was apparent that that air of power simply came from him. He exuded it with the way he held himself, so strong and solid and confident, and with...blood all over his arm?

Uselessly pointing to his bloody appendage, you stated the obvious. "You...you're bleeding."

Kylo threw an indifferent glance down at his arm before wiping it off. "Not my blood."

"Oh. So that's...that's why you..." you trailed off, pivoting to gesture at his clothes sitting in a pile behind you.

Kylo nodded. "That, and it is stuffy in here."

Your face fell. "Oh."

He let out a sort of derision. "You wouldn't look at me that way if you knew what he had done."

"What did he do?"

"Assaulted another Stormtrooper. Tried to, at least," he said, pausing to crack his neck with a wince. "My knights pulled him off her before anything happened."

"Fucking hells," you said under your breath. "Are all your Stormtroopers rapists?"

Kylo gave a terse shake of his head. "The Stormtroopers on Exegol aren't mine. They're Hux's, as were the two in the showers."

"And Hux just gets away with encouraging this type of behavior?"

"No. He doesn't, and he won't. I will see to it when I'm back tomorrow."

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach, the stupid, idiotic butterflies. "You're back tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"And will you be...will you be visiting me after you arrive?" you asked, hoping you didn't sound too eager that he would. He turned to look at you with a curious expression, so you hurriedly followed up with an explanation. "Because the first time we met here, you said you wanted me to leave you alone. And yet, you've been inside my brain every night since then. So I was just curious if you'd also be seeing me in person. That's all."

As the last of your babbling hung in the air, Kylo gave you a stiff nod. "Yes. I will be visiting you in person, too."

"Right, okay," you said quickly, feeling absolutely neurotic as the thought excited you. "Well, when you do come by, you are not allowed to talk about this."

Kylo raised a brow. "This, as in...?"

"This," you said, gesturing between you two. "This strange feeling, the kiss, and the...impure thoughts you overheard when you were spying on my mind before the vergence thingy so conveniently let you slip into it."

First, Kylo was silent, then understanding settled into the features of his face. "Ah."

"No, not ah," you mimicked, "I need you to promise me you won't bring it up again, ever, and we will go back to how it was, from before I saw you without your mask." He didn't respond, just watched you with eyes that gave nothing away. You glared at him. "Supreme Leader."

"Okay," he said, tone matching his impassive face. "But you should know, your conflicted feelings will only worsen when I return."

You jolted your head back. "What? Why?"

"Because whatever this is..." he trailed off, giving a dispirited exhale as he scanned the lake, "it's relentless. Even for me."

Again with the fucking butterflies. "So...you weren't lying that first night when you said you felt it, too." Kylo muttered no with a grimace on his lips. You shook your head, confused. "I don't understand. If you feel like this, how are you even serving as the Supreme Leader? How am I not driving you crazy?"

His lip twitched down. "You are driving me crazy."

"No, but—" you started, shifting with agitated movements, "I mean, how are you functioning? Ever since I saw your face...it's been ruthless. How have you coped?"

Eyes aimlessly drifting before him, Kylo spoke to you with a quiet, despondent tone. "By accepting that whatever this is, it's bigger than me. Than the Force. I can't fight it, and I can't run from it." When he finally looked at you, a touch of pity sat on his face. "Try it. It will help."

You scoffed. "I don't know how to do either of those things," you muttered, folding your legs to your chest and placing your chin on your knee. "Fighting and running...it's all I've done my entire life."

You could see him looking at you from the corner of your eye. "Do you want to stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Running and fighting."

"Yes. But that's not possible."

"But say it was," Kylo persisted, pushing himself off his palms and crossing his legs beneath him. "Say you had a place to call home, a place where you were safe. Would you accept it?"

You weren't quick to respond, the gentle breeze and the chirping birds filling the silence between you two. "Yes," you said slowly, the admittance feeling odd on your tongue. You picked your chin off your knees, shivering as the cool chill of the wind tickled your neck. "But I feel like even if I had that chance, I'd fuck it up and flee. Like I always do. It's a cycle. It's so innate, like a habit, a..."

"A defense mechanism," Kylo finished for you.

"Yeah." You glanced at him, nodding, your confidence faltering at how he studied you so closely. With your hands still clasped around your legs, you awkwardly shrugged one shoulder. "Well? You know my defensive mechanism. Tell me yours."

Kylo didn't hesitate. "Control. I try to control the things around me. The people around me," he said, gesturing at you before looking back at the lake again. The corner of his mouth sloped down. "I have my whole life, even as a child."

"As Supreme Leader, I bet that plays out nicely for you."

"It works. Until it doesn't," he said, his frown deepening. "Acquiescence...admitting that you can't control every situation is hard." There was a beat of silence, then he side-eyed you, traces of a flippant smirk on his lips. "Especially when dealing with unruly prisoners."

"Unruly?" you repeated, matching his expression. "I'll be damned, Supreme Leader. I think that's the nicest way anyone has ever described me."

"Oh?" He cocked an intrigued brow. "How do people usually describe you?"

The amusement wilted on your face as you were instantly barraged with all the different names people had called you, fixating on a recent fight where Drox had really ripped into your character. Your gut twisted. You could usually numb yourself to the pain, but here inside your mind, you couldn't hide from how you really felt. You tried to appear casual as you turned your attention to the lake. "With some not-so-nice words," you said indifferently. "The usual."

"From your team, you mean," he continued to probe. "From the Resistance."

You pressed your lips together, shaking your head. "No," you said, your voice higher than usual. You didn't want to give him any other ammunition to pit you against them. "Mainly just stupid relationship stuff."

"Ah." It was such a small response, and yet, the change in his tone held so much weight. You heard the snap of the grass roots breaking as he pulled at them. "You're talking about Drox."

"Yeah, but it's whatever. Couples fight," you hurried to say, eager to get off this topic. You cleared your throat, chancing a look at him. "So, um, what about you? Do you got a girlfriend or partner? Sex slave or pleasure droid, perhaps?" You paused, trying to give him a satirical smile, but it only came out sheepish. "Another prisoner you try to fuck in their dreams?"

Kylo's face remained unreadable, giving you a curt shake of his head. "None of the above."

"Oh? Why not?"

"Not a priority."

"Ah. Too busy ruling the galaxy with an iron fist, huh?"

Slowly lifting his hand to reveal the dainty flower he had just picked, Kylo lifted it and twirled it between his fingers, deadpanning. "Obviously."

At this, the smallest smile tugged at your lips. You turned away before he could see it. There was a brief lull in the conversation before Kylo tried to reopen the topic you had so promptly shut down.

"So, Drox—"

Throwing your head back, you groaned. "Can we not do this right now?"

"Do what?"

"Talk about me. It's all we've done this week. I want to talk about something else."

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

"You," you said, suddenly pivoting your body to face him. After you crossed your legs beneath you and straightened your spine, he rearranged in response, mirroring your position. "I want to talk about you."

The way his body language switched to defense mode, one would think he was in grade school, and someone had just tried to steal his lunch credits. His guarded eyes flicked you up and down. "What do you want to know?"

You gave him a half-shrug, keeping your voice light. "Anything."

He sounded annoyed. "Such as?"

"I don't know, anything," you breathed, dropping your shoulders with an exhale. You looked at him expectantly, but all he did was frown, so you started rapid-firing. "Like, what do you eat for breakfast? How did you pick the identifier M421? What's your favorite color? Do you astral project into all your prisoner's minds? What's Exegol like? Why don't you like talking about yourself?"

"Eggs. M421 was generated by the intake system. Black. No. Exegol is miserable. And I just don't."

You groaned. "But why?"

He shrugged. "Why not? Eggs are nutritious, they—"

"Kylo," you said, narrowing your eyes at him.

Frowning, he looked away and rubbed at his chin with a wide swipe from his knuckles. Silence passed before he looked at you again, speaking with a weary voice. "The Force...it likes to remind me of my past. Talking about it only invites visions. Visions I can't escape."

"That's fine. We don't have to talk about the past," you said, trying to remain agreeable. "We can talk about the future."

Kylo considered you for a long time before giving you a single nod. "Okay. Ask me about the future."

Excitedly, you sat forward and dug your elbows into your legs. "What do you want?"

He blinked. "Can you be more specific?"

"Yeah, what do you want?" you repeated, like it was so obvious. "What are your goals?"

"Absolute power, provide galaxy-wide stability and—"

"No. Your goals. As a person, not a leader."

Kylo was quiet for a moment. "I want to start a new generation of Force-users. One that isn't pitted against each other. No light side, no dark side. Just raw, unlimited, and undivided power."

You sat back, cocking your head to the side. "I thought you said seeing someone isn't a priority."

"It's not."

"But to start a new generation of Force-users, you need a womb, right?"

"Yes. But that can wait. Once my enemies are neutralized, I will see that my personal goals are met."

You felt your face drop as the last of his words hung in the air. The way he talked about bringing children into this galaxy, it felt so methodical, so loveless. It was jarring and odd, but above all, it hit a little too close to home.

"Oh, okay." Your response was short, but you tried to keep it pleasant as you turned to the side, looking at the lake. You didn't want to let yourself feel what was right below the surface—if you did, the clouds would come, and he would know.

"I've upset you." He hesitated. "The Resistance is my enemy, Ki—"

"That's not it. I know it's your mission to kill the Resistance. Us sitting here like this..." you started, tentatively meeting his gaze, "like friends, it hasn't made me forget that we are still enemies."

"Then what is it?"

You sucked on your bottom lip. He was looking at you like you were the center of his universe again, and it made you shrink back. You shook your head, glancing at the water as you muttered, "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," he said, an edge to his tone. When you didn't respond, he said your name. "Tell me."

You let out a sharp, short exhale. "Fine, it's just, do you want children or only a legacy? The way you talk about it makes it seem like you want a kid just to carry your bloodline." Before he could answer, you faced him again, setting your accusing eyes on him. "Because they're sentient human beings, you know, with feelings and thoughts. And if you're going to have 'em just for an heir, your kid will know. They will know you don't want them, and they'll grow up lonely. It will fuck them up. Just like it fucked me up."

Kylo was thoughtful in his quietness as he assessed you, dragging his eyes the length of your body before speaking with a suppressed intensity. "I wouldn't do that. The responsibility of rising to a bloodline is a crushing pressure to put on anyone, let alone a child."

As you held his vehement gaze, sad understanding washed over you. "That's what happened to you, isn't it?" you asked softly. "With Vader."

The hard glint in his eyes was hard to miss. "Yes."

Pity erupted across your face and Kylo broke eye contact to look at the lake. You continued to watch him. There was something so sad about that one little word, yes. You wanted to ask more, but the finality in his response told you that he had already said enough. It felt strange to picture him as anything but powerful and confident, and yet, there was a time he was just a little boy. A misguided and mistreated child that never got to be a kid. And for the first time, you realized that you and Kylo Ren had something in common.

The thought should have made you happy, to know that your enemy suffered just like you. But here in your dreamscape, when your walls were down, and you were forced to feel, sadness slammed into you as glimpses of your childhood lingered in your mind.

Shifting away from him, you bent your legs against your chest and wrapped your arms around them, holding yourself close. You hated how the wind picked up and the rolling clouds eclipsed the sun, ratting out your darkening emotions to Kylo, but you couldn't help it. And by the time he returned his attention to you, it was too late. Tears were already streaming down your face.

He spoke so softly to you, you barely recognized his voice. "Will you tell me what you're thinking about?"

After a few sniffles, a burst of laughter sprang to your lips, catching both of you off guard. "Candy," you said, feeling ridiculous. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand. "I'm thinking about candy."

If Kylo thought you were crazy for crying while you thought about candy, he didn't show it. All he did was patiently wait for you to continue, his eyes on you as yours watched the raindrops splatter into the lake.

"Contrary to what you and Hux think, I wasn't always bad," you finally said, tossing him a shifty glance as you hugged your knees closer to your chest. "After Unkar took me in, I continued to be good because it would earn me a piece of candy at the end of the week. That system worked for a while. But as I got older, it wasn't so much about the sweets. It was about my parents. I thought if I was good, he would tell them, and they'd want me back."

Kylo waited until the booming claps of thunder subsided before responding. "I'm guessing you found out the truth the hard way."

"Yeah." You made a cynical noise of amusement. "But before that, it was all I had to look forward to, those fucking candies. It made me feel less...lonely, somehow, having something to hold onto and work for." You repositioned, letting go of your legs to extend them before you, tipping your upper body toward him. "Now that was the hardest part, getting used to being so alone. I used to talk to myself out loud, just to feel like I had company, and—"

Suddenly aware that you were saying this aloud, you cleared your throat and looked forward, muttering, "Never mind. I know that makes me weird."

Kylo spoke hesitantly, slowly. "When I was a kid, I heard voices in my head. Bad, bad voices." Your eyes found his face, hoping that he would expand, but as always, he shifted the conversion back to you. "I don't think you're weird."

You sighed. "Well, it's not just weird, it's kind of embarrassing," you said, self-consciously scratching at your head. "I, uh, would talk to myself to keep myself entertained, or just when I needed...love," you admitted, eyes falling off Kylo to flatly look at the ground. "I would say things like, you're doing such a good job, or, they're going to be so proud of you when they come back, or, you can do this for a little bit longer. You'll get to go home soon."

The storm in your dreamscape gained traction, dumping cold, bitter rain on you and Kylo, but you didn't move to cover yourself. You could barely feel it as you continued to speak the words you had never admitted to anybody before.

"Looking back, I was delusional for thinking those things. Naive, even for a kid. But little seven-year-old me didn't know that. But Unkar did. One day, he heard me talking to myself and he started laughing at me. A mean, ugly laugh where his whole body shook in waves. And his face...I'll never forget it. The way it scrunched up, I thought it would never go back to normal," you muttered, deep in thought, then abruptly looked at Kylo. "You know when people get lost in laughter, it's like they lose control of their face?"

Kylo stared at you blankly. "No."

You shifted, determinedly speaking with your hands. "Like when it happens to you, you're kinda embarrassed because you know you probably look like a donkey neighing or something ugly like that. 'Cause your gums show a little too much, your eyes crinkle until they're just narrow slants, your chins just multiply out of nowhere...you know?"

Still no recognition in his eyes. "No."

You pressed your lips together for a moment, then snapped your fingers with enthusiasm. "Oh, I know. What about when someone is crying one of those ugly cries? Like when their face looks all pinched and contorted. Since humans don't always look the prettiest when they're feeling the most. Do you get what I mean now?"

At this, understanding flickered across his face. "Yes, I understand."

You nodded. "Well, what I was getting at was, the first time I ever saw Unkar laugh like that was after he heard me talking to myself. That was the same day he told me my parents were never coming back. From that day on, I did everything and anything I could to get him to send me away. I thought, maybe if I got off Jakku, I could go find them myself. Well, that didn't work, but it did get me away from Unkar. He eventually dropped me off at the Coruscant orphanage, and that was that."

His intense gaze still boring through you, you could only glance at Kylo as he responded. "And was it better?"

"Minimally," you said with a stiff shrug. "Because even if I had meals to eat and a place to sleep and other kids to play with, I was sad all the time. And I still talked to myself, but it was no longer nice things. It was mean things like, you're a problem. Nobody wants you. You're unlovable. You will always be alone," you said, the truth spilling out of you before you could stop yourself. You went rigid as emotion rushed up your throat, choking you and preventing you from continuing. Tear-filled eyes found him again as you whispered, "Things I still tell myself to this day."

Eyes darting across your face, you could feel the charged emotion simmering beneath Kylo's quiet tone. "You're not alone."

Your heart stuttered as you two stared at one another in heavy silence. You had spent the last six nights looking at the man behind the mask, but this...this was different. Even when he opened up to you the negligible amount he did, he was still closed off. Matter of fact. But now he looked vulnerable and afraid as his bottom lip trembled slightly. He looked human.

Leaning forward to grab his hands, you swallowed the lump in your throat and uttered a broken whisper. "Neither are you."

Thump thump thump. You could hear your heartbeat thundering around you, the walls of your dreamscape pulsing with your passion as electricity flowed between your touching hands. Time sped up, simultaneously standing still as your face gravitated toward Kylo, toward the man whose power you had just reveled in. But now, you soaked up the raw, broken parts of him as he moved tentatively into you, unlike when he forcefully stole a kiss from you the first night in your dreamscape. With a blinding flash of light, your lips collided with his.

What followed after impact was just a blur, unfolding quickly and non-linearly. One moment, it was raining as you faced each other at the lake while clutching hands and locking lips; next, it was warm and breezy as you laid side by side in tall grass. When you glanced at him, he had tears in his eyes.

"I want to, but I can't."

For the briefest of moments, you knew what he meant. Everything made sense, as though the universe itself showed you its grand plan. You understood the connection between you and the longing and attraction you felt for him. Full of heartache, you twisted on your side to look at him, and with fragmented movements, he did the same. Trailing your fingers over the indent of his scar, your bottom lip trembled. "But...you pinky promised me. Please don't leave me."

And just as fast, everything slipped through your fingers after you blinked. The more you chased it, the more it evaded you, and all you could focus on was the way his lips moved against yours, holding your face so tenderly as his chest pressed against your own. You melted against him, yearning for his solidity and safety and warmth as the void in your chest started to close.

The two of you stayed in this space for a long time, suspended in the inconsistent haze of your dreamscape while tasting each other's tears between your lips. It was emotional, it was passionate, it was sensual. Breathing him in...feeling the strength of his body on yours...sucking his tongue and absorbing the vibrations of his groan...it had awakened something in you that you wished would go back to sleep.

You pulled away, panting as the lust between you threatened to suffocate you. You stared at each other in quiet trepidation, both of you thinking what neither of you could say—What just happened? And why do I need you even more now?

Kylo said your name, and your heart almost burst through your chest at the way he said it. So warm and familiar, the sound of his voice poured over you, pulling you closer to his face. But just as your lips touched his again, the world jolted beneath you, rumbling and shaking and groaning as you clung to him.

"What's happening?" you yelled over the snapping of trees as everything around you turned into a black, vicious blur. "Am I waking up? Is my dreamscape collapsing?"

"No. It's mine!" Kylo shouted as a colossal groan pulled your attention to your right. Firm hands grabbed your face, snapping your eyes to him. "Promise you won't follow!"

You swung your head from side to side. You didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

You made the mistake of blinking. And when you did, Kylo was no longer holding your face. He was no longer near you. The ground had broken apart between your bodies, both of you standing on the opposite sides of a deep, dark pit. You clambered back, mortified, as Kylo screamed out to you from across the widely-divided ground.

"DON'T FOLLOW ME!" He added your name. "WAKE UP!"

You tried to yell back at him, to tell him you didn't know how to wake up, but it was too late. Darkness fell upon you, covering your surroundings in a heavy blanket of ash and smoke as you tumbled down and down and down. You opened your mouth to scream but it felt like you were underwater, falling into a never-ending abyss that eagerly pulled you in.

You closed your eyes and waited to die.