❛ GREY ❜ - seavey

eleven

after daniel had thrown up in the bathroom, he had left the school as quickly as possible, ignoring zach and corbyn's questions as he ran.

he couldn't do it, there was no way he was going to get through the rest of the day feeling like he could throw up again any minute. all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

christian wouldn't be home, which meant he could wallow in his own self loathing and heart break for a few hours by himself.

the moment he reached his apartment he slammed the door shut, he threw his keys onto the table by the front door and began stripping out of his clothes, kicking his shoes off. he felt dizzy, he pulled his hoodie over his head and dropped it on the ground, he continued to stumble to his bedroom, pulling off his shorts as well and discarding them in the hallway, leaving him in his boxers and socks. he needed to get out of them and into something less suffocating.

he knew when christian came home and saw his clothes all over the floor that he'd probably worry as he should, because daniel was far from okay.
he pulled open his bottom drawer and pulled out his grey sweatpants. he wasn't going to bother even putting on a shirt when he noticed, while pulling on his sweatpants, one of alaska's favorite hoodies had occupied the same drawer.

it was an oversized maroon hoodie, way to big for her small bod, something daniel used to tease her about. he knew it fit him and with shaky hands he pulled it out, immediately burrying his nose into the fabric.

and upon smelling her scent that lingered so strongly on the hoodie, he let out his first real sob since the break up, and collapsed onto his knees. the cry was loud and broken, muffled by the hoodie. he clutched it to his face, tightly, and finally started crying.

he pulled it away from his face and pulled it on, her scent enveloping him. he pulled up the hood and stumbled back onto his feet, making his way to his bed.

he fell onto his bed, tears running down his cheeks as ugly sobs ripped through his throat.

and once again he noticed something else that was alaska's. he looked down at the foot of his bed and spotted her pink blanket that she had brought over from her apartment to his, and he pulled it up. he threw the pink blanket over his body and head, now only being consumed by her scent, it comforted him until he realized that the only way he could smell her scent anymore was from it lingering on the belongings she left at his place, and eventually it would fade, or even worse, she'd want them back.

it was springtime, too hot to be covered in layers of fabric, but daniel couldn't care less. he buried his face into his pillow and clutched the fabric of her blanket.

now that he was finally settled and by himself, he was really able to feel the weight of the break up. he cried even harder, wetting the pillow under his head.

alaska was gone, she was really gone. and not only that, she was in the arms of cole fucking king. and he just let it happen, in fact he just pushed alaska into spending more and more time with him. daniel treated alaska like shit and now he was suffering the consequences.

"n-no." he cried into the pillow. "it's not real, it's not real, it's not r-real." he sobbed over and over again, hoping that weird haze he's been in these last few months were just a bad dream. "sh-she isn't g-gone." he practically choked on the words. the gravity of the situation hit him like a truck and he was having a hard time actually registering that she wasn't his anymore.

he repeated the last words she said to him in his head. 'and not for nothing but you were a fucking awful boyfriend you prick.' and he cried harder.

"i-i'm s-sorry alaska." he cried, muttering her name for the first time since the two broke up.

and he layed there, crying to himself, for god knows how long. he bunched up the blanket under his nose, just breathing her in, pretending that everything was fine.