Seventeen Imagines III

#70 "Don't make me hate myself even more"

Obsession. Readers of romantic novels loves it when the main leads have an obsess character towards the one he/she loves. It's really thrilling to read the part of a guy, pinning a girl into the wall and whispered words like: "You're mine." However, in real life, a love with obsession won't last forever.

"Why are you so obsess of me? (Y/n)," asked my boyfriend, Hoshi.

I dedicated my youth, dating a cute and energetic guy named Hoshi. When it comes to loyalty, I'm second to none. But I didn't notice those things I've thought are normal among couples.

"W-What do you mean?" I stuttered, digging my palms with my fingernails.

"I hate it when you always follow me around. You asked me where I am and whom I had contact with! You told me to do this, that! Are you manipulating every of my actions?! It's suffocating! This is not love, (Y/n). It is obsession."

"I am...what?"

Whether it was true or not, I was dumbfounded. During our confrontation, I remembered my mother who took her life just because dad left us with his new lover. Mom was so obsess to dad that she threatened not only herself, but also my life if dad won't come back. She's crazy.

In the end, I escaped from mom's grip and just came home when I heard the news about her miserable death.

I don't want to be like mom.

I don't want to end up like a b*tch thirsty of love and affection.

And so, when Hoshi told me about my obsession, I was so frightened. Therefore, before my situation get worse, I decided to separate our ways.

"Hey, what's up? It's been a week," Hoshi shyly greeted. He was scratching his nape, unable to look straight into my eyes.

One week after we fought, I called him to meet at our favorite milktea shop. It's very awkward, really.

"Hmmm, yeah," I sighed.

Both of us took sips on our bubble teas.

"So..." He let out a long pause. "How are you?"

'If I told him that I am not okay, will I feel great? ' worried about this, I opened my lips and lied, "I'm alright. And you? "

I found him mouthing: Eeeeeeee, as he scratched his nose. Then, his response returned, "Well I'm not."

Hearing our opposite answers, I guessed my decision is the best thing to do. Therefore, I spoke again. "Hey Hoshi, I'm sorry for everything I've done."

"Huh?"

"I think you're right. I've done many unfair things to my boyfriend. And I'm afraid we'll get worse in the future. So, let's break up."

"..."

While I was bowing my head, I was so unsure if I wanted to hear him say yes or no. I got stuck in the middle of my hesitation. But minutes later, Hoshi gave me his answer.

"Okay. If you think it's for the best, let's break up."

That's how we ended our first love.

Three years have passed by.

So far, I am living moderately with a stable job. I'm still single (and I think I will be for the rest of my life). It's not because I'm scared to love. Neither the fact that my first relationship is a failure. Certainly, this isn't a trauma, but a precaution to myself that I might hurt other people.