Greenelan~The Journey

~Alyssa~

Cheer season is finally over for the fall. I haven't felt this relieved in a while. It feels good. Although I still have debate and student council, it's only taking up 2 out 5 days of my school week. I get a buzz from my phone while I'm getting ready for school.

Emma: good morning❤️

Me: Good Morning💜💜💜

Emma: i was thinking...

Me: Oh No

Emma: maybe we can hangout after school today?

Me: Oh-

Me: Yessss

Emma: we can go the park if you want

Me: I'm down

Emma: okayyy see you after school💗

Emma and I have been dating for a week now and it's our first time going out since then. I wish I was as brave as her. I want to come out; I really do, but I can't. It's not that I care what people at school will think, I care what my Mom will think. I don't want to disappoint her. Maybe I'll get to a point where I can tell her, maybe I won't. Who knows?

I get to school and I see Emma at her locker. I pull out my phone and text her.

Me: Look up and look to your left

Emma: okay...?

Emma looks up and I wink at her. She shoots me back probably one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. My heart does a backflip. Gosh, I love her smile. I walk into class with a dopey smile on my face and sit down. "Ew, what are you so happy about?" Shelby says jokingly.

"Nothing." I say still smiling.

"I know that look." Shelby says with a smirk. "Did you meet a boyyyy?"

"No." I say with a chuckle.

"Come on you can tell me." Shelby says.

"I'm serious...I didn't meet a boy." I say. "Just in a smiling mood."

"Oh." Shelby says. "Well congrats on your smiling mood." Shelby laughs.

I finish my classwork early and I pull out a book to "read". I pull my phone out from my pocket and put it in between the pages of the book.

Me: I'm bored what are you doing right now?

Emma: watching guitar covers on youtube wbu

Me: "Reading"

Emma: wow...yOurE sUch a ReBel😏

Me: Wait...your teacher let's you use your phone in class?

Emma: yup

Me: Lucky😔

Emma: alyssa...why do you text in caps

Me: It's the correct way to start a sentence? Huh?

Emma: i get that but no...just no

Me: fine how's this?

Emma: omg welcome☺️

Me: you're such an idiot lol

Emma: no you

I kind of like this secret relationship. Emma says she's okay with it, but I get this funny feeling sometimes that she isn't. I just want everything to work out. She's my first girlfriend. Well first anything really. I had a "boyfriend" in middle school, but that lasted for less than 24 hours.

School ends and I practically sprint to my car. I'm really excited to see Emma after school. I stop at Dunkin Donuts, so I can surprise her. The donut holes bring joy into my life, so I'm hoping they do the same for her too. I pull up to the park and see Emma sitting in the back of her truck listening to music.

"I come baring gifts." I giggle as I walk towards her truck.

"What flavor?" Emma asks with a smile.

"I didn't know which ones you liked, so I got an assortment." I say nervously.

Emma motions for me to come sit in the back of her truck with her.

"So, how was your day?" Emma asks while shoving a donut in her mouth.

"Boring. I had 2 tests today." I say dryly.

"How'd you do?" Emma asks.

"Come on you know I aced them." I say with a smirk.

"That's my girl." Emma says while giving me high five.

On impulse, I grab Emma's hand. I feel her grip slightly tighten. I don't know why, but when I hold her hand; I feel so safe. I can't explain it.

"Emma?" I ask. "When did you know you were gay?"

"Well...probably like 7th grade. All the girls had crushes on boys and I didn't. I thought there was something wrong with me for a while. I googled 'Why Don't I Like Boys?' and that's when I started considering that I might like girls. Sure enough, I did. I kept it a secret until...well you know." Emma says.

"Do you still talk to your parents?" I hesitantly ask.

Emma takes a deep breath.

"They want nothing to do with me. But, that's okay. I have my Nana and I have you." Emma says with a smile. "Sooo, when did you know you were gay?"

"Don't laugh. In 8th grade, I took a quiz because I had a crush on this girl. I even skipped over the obvious questions and the quiz still said I was gay. So, I tried to force myself into a relationship with this boy to prove to myself that I wasn't. He held my hand for 10 seconds and I just knew right then and there. I broke up with him over text an hour after." I chuckle.

Emma starts wheezing.

"I SAID NOT TO LAUGH." I say laughing with her.

"YOU TOOK A QUIZ!" Emma snorts.

"YOU GOOGLED WHY DON'T I LIKE BOYS SO WE ARE EQUAL!" I laugh.

We laugh at each other for another 5 minutes. I never realized how funny the story was until I said it out loud. I know it's probably too soon to tell, but I think I love this girl. She's just...wow.

"Are you really okay with this whole secret relationship thing? I ask suddenly. "Because if you aren't and you want to end this I get it because-

Emma cuts me off my cupping my face with her hands.

"Alyssa. Stop. I'm okay with how we are now. You aren't ready to come out and I get that. It takes time and it takes a lot of courage. You'll get there eventually, and I'll be here when you do. It's just us. No one else." Emma says with a soft tone.

I turn my head and kiss the inside of her hand. She pulls me in and I rest my head on her chest while her chin rests on the top of my head. She wraps both of her arms around me and I feel a butterfly bomb go off in my stomach. I like this. Like she said, it's just us.

No one else.

A/N: i thought this was cute...idk maybe just me there might be time skips to move junior year along quicker bc as y'all know the musical/movie is set during their senior year and it will be easier to come up with ideas for this story