Greenelan~The Journey

~Alyssa~

She hung up on me. She really believes that I had something to do with this fake prom.

I don't know what hurts more; the fact that I actually thought my Mom came to her senses, or that Emma believes I would betray her like that. I mean I don't blame her though, she asked me to come meet her and I said I couldn't. I'm just too scared...we were supposed to do it together and I don't know how to do it alone. I'm too scared to do it alone.

"Alyssa what are you doing up here? my Mom asks. "Go have fun with your friends."

I don't want to have fun...not without Emma.

"'Mom I don't feel like having fun right now. I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed." I say.

"Alyssa, I worked very hard for this to happen. You could at least be grateful and enjoy it." my Mom says sternly.

"Mom, how can I have fun when I know what's going on?" I say.

"What are you talking about?" my Mom asks.

"Mom...you know what I'm talking about." I say.

"Oh, that. We did what we had to do." my Mom says as she walks away.

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We get home from the prom and I immediately go to my room to call Emma.

Alyssa she probably doesn't want to talk to you right now...but you need to talk to her.

I call her and let the phone ring for a while.
It goes to voicemail. Leave her a voicemail.

"Hey Emma...it's Alyssa. Well you know that, but please call me. Just please let me know you're okay. I love you. Call me." I say sadly.

How am I going to get her to talk to me? She's  pissed. She probably doesn't even want to see me again.

I take off my prom dress and throw it across my room. I don't want to look at it anymore. I take a shower and get into my bed.

Maybe if I close my eyes hard enough, I'll wake up and none of this would have happened. The original prom wouldn't have been cancelled, Emma and I could have danced together. I would've been out to my Mom. Maybe everything would be fine.

My mind starts to drift. I start thinking about my Dad. I wish I knew where he was, so I could write him a letter or something. I just wish I could talk to him to him right now. I just need to talk to someone. My own girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me and I'm too scared to talk to my own Mother about this. I can't talk to my "friends"...they're the reason I'm in this whole fake prom fiasco anyway.

What would you even talk about if you got the chance right now? "Hey Dad...Mom has lost her mind." Yeah...how about no. "Hey Dad. I hope you're doing well. I know you probably don't care, but I'm feeling really guilty right now. I let someone really important to me down. They needed me and I didn't show up for them and I'm not sure they'll forgive me. I'm trying to stay calm and not freak out, but I'm struggling. I would really appreciate it if you could give me some advice on how to fix this.

I can't even call my Dad...I tried years ago, but he never answered. My number has been the same after all of these years. No texts. No calls. He has made it evidently clear that he wants nothing to do with me. But, I wonder if he ever thinks that I might need him. I wonder if he even still thinks about me. I honestly wouldn't expect him to. He's probably somewhere living his best life with a new family. As much as it hurts to think that he probably has a new family, it's most likely the truth. I want to hate him and resent him for leaving, but I can't. My brain wants call him a deadbeat, but my heart has been doing the exact opposite.

The hardest part is that I know he's never coming back. The hardest part is that I had to grow up without any kind of father figure. The hardest part is that him leaving changed my Mom. I know the Mother she was is still in there...it's just covered up by pain.

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Saturday

I wake up and go downstairs too see my Mom making coffee.

"Good morning Alyssa." my Mom says.

"Good Morning." I say quietly.

"Why do you sound so down?" my Mom asks. "Please don't tell me you're still upset about the prom."

"Mom it was wrong....can't you see that?" I say sadly.

"Alyssa, I already told you we did what we had to do." my Mom says. "Now please drop it."

I can hear my Mom's phone going crazy. She looks down at her phone and her expression drops.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"James Madison High School is plastered all over the press. The PTA is being slandered, saying that we planned that prom to humiliate that girl." my Mom says in an annoyed tone.

"Emma." I say quietly.

"What?" my Mom says.

"Her name is Emma." I say a little louder.

My Mom diverts her eyes back to her phone and continues reading the press statements. I go back to my room and flop on my bed.

I need to give Emma her space to cool off, but I  really need to talk to her.

Ugh, why do you have to be such a coward?!All you had to do was say, "Mom, we need go. My girlfriend is there at the "prom" at school by herself and I need to go be there with her."

I need to apologize...soon.

a/n: i kind of like this chapter because we never saw alyssa's point of view after the fake prom...well before alyssa greene but i enjoyed piecing it together:) i hope you enjoyed.