Greenelan~The Journey

~Alyssa~

The prom ends and I get into my Mom's car.

"Did you have fun?" my Mom asks.

"Yeah." I say with a smile.

"Two proms in one year? You're one of the lucky ones" my Mom laughs. "Where'd you get that dress?"

"Oh...um Emma let me wear it." I say nervously.

My Mom lets out a sigh.

"I need to apologize to her. What I did was horrible." my Mom says sadly.

We pull up to the house and go inside. My Mom immediately starts making tea. We used to do this when I was younger when we had heart to hearts.

"Alyssa can we talk?" my Mom asks.

"You already said we had a lot to talk about, so why not get it out of the way?" I say.

My Mom grabs two mugs from the cabinet and puts peppermint tea teabags in the mug. She pours the hot water in both of them and brings them to the table.

"So, how long did you know? Or is this like a new discovery or something?" my Mom asks.

"8th grade." I say quickly.

"4 years?" my Mom says quietly. "Alyssa...why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared...and it had only been a year since Dad left so I didn't think it was the best time." I say quietly.

"Honey, I'm so sorry for making it seem like you couldn't tell me. You're my baby girl first. Always. I know it may not have seemed that way recently, but I'm willing to change." my Mom says

"Mom...why did you do what you did? It made me 10x more scared to be myself therefore, putting a strain on my relationship with Emma." I say quietly.

"As much as I don't want to say it...I was being a bigot. I was unfair to Emma and I didn't even know her as a person. I still don't, but she seems like a nice girl." my Mom says.

"The nicest." I say with a small smile.

"By strain on your relationship...what do you mean?" my Mom asks

"There's a lot that goes into it." I say quietly.

"We have time." my Mom says.

"Last summer, I made a promise to Emma that I would come out to you so we could stop hiding. I was looking for the right time, but I never found it until you brought up the prom. I came up with the idea that Emma and I could go to prom together as a couple. I knew you would be a chaperone there, so I would've killed two birds with one stone. Number 1 being me coming out to you and number 2 being Emma and I not hiding our relationship anymore." I say.

"Wait how long have you guys been together?" my Mom asks.

"A year and a half." I say. "Well, I think it's still a year and half considering she broke up with me for like 3 days."

"Huh-

"I'm getting to that." I say cutting my Mom off. "We were excited to go together and at the time, I couldn't care less about your reaction to us. Then, prom got cancelled. It made me start to slowly lose the confidence I had because I didn't think you would do something that extreme. You know this but, all of a sudden prom is back on. My confidence to follow through was at its peak because I thought you had come to your senses. As soon as I realized that something was going on, it was gone. Emma called me and asked me to come meet her at school and I told her I couldn't. I could have, but with the all of the stunts you had pulled...I was terrified that you were gonna leave me. Just like Dad did.

I let out a deep sigh.

"She was there alone in the gym with no real support system. She needed me and I let her down. We didn't talk for a couple days after that, but then I asked her to meet with me before school so we could talk. I apologized to her and she gave me a second chance to stand by her side. That video she made? She wanted me to do it with her and I backed out. I let her down twice and she broke up with me." I say.

"But, everything is good now...right? You guys looked fine earlier." my Mom asks nervously.

"Yeah we're good don't worry. I just wanted you to know what you caused. You didn't just hurt her...you hurt me too." I say.

"Alyssa...I am so sorry. It hurts me to think that you thought I would leave you. That really tells me I need to reflect on how I've been as a mother." my Mom says with her voice breaking.

My Mom buries her head in her hands. I've never seen my Mom breakdown like this. Ever. I get up and and go hug my Mom.

"Mom, it's okay-

"No, it's not Alyssa." my Mom says cutting me off. "You shouldn't have had to be scared that I was going to abandon you...and that's my fault. I did that. I became distant and that's my fault."

My Mom is full on sobbing. This is the first time she's cried since Dad left.

"Mom...I know it's not my place to say, but I think you should go to a therapist." I say suddenly.

"What?" my Mom asks in between sobs.

"This is the first time you've really showed any emotion in a long time. Mom, you used to be different before Dad left. You were fun...now you're more of a robot. I just think you need to talk out your feelings to someone. It sucks when someone you love leaves you, especially without an explanation. It can really mess you up." I say with my voice breaking.

"Alyssa-

"It leaves you racking your brain because you think you aren't good enough or you think about what you did wrong. It makes you terrified to make a mistake because you think when you mess up the world is gonna end. It makes you cry yourself to sleep at night because sometimes you miss them and you just want a hug from them...and you can never get it." I say crying at this point.

"Honey, I think we should both go to a therapist. It seems like we both have things we need to talk about." my Mom says while hugging me.

"Okay." I say quietly.

"I love you Alyssa." my Mom says.

"I love you too." I say.

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im sorry it's been a while but it's the last quarter of the school year and im trying to get all of my work done and my sports schedule is kicking my butt so im tired 95% of the time but i hope you enjoyed this chapter