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The 'program'

    "You know that we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to right?" He asked, looking at the ground.

    "You and I both know that we are going to have to talk about it sooner or later. Why not just do it right now while we have time?" I suggested.

    James looked back up at me and his eyes softened. I knew that he was the only one that understood what I had to go through in there and that I was the only one that understood what he went through. "It's just that it's so hard to talk about. Even thinking about it...it just..." He trailed off pulling at his hair and squeezing his eyes closed.

    I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "I know that it's hard, and I'm probably the only one that truly understands. Just know that I'm here for you no matter what. You aren't there anymore and they aren't going to hurt you ever again." I reassured him.

     He relaxed a little and stopped pulling at his hair. "They took me when I was fourteen and they took  me to this basement type thing. They tied me to a chair and would come in two at a time and beat the crap out of me. After a couple of hours of doing that they dragged me to a cell that was supposed to be my room and there were four of them in each hallway and one guard was responsible for two of the cells. Well, you already know that, and when they dragged me into my cell I cleaned up and laid down on the bed until they came and got me about a day later and showed me around. They showed me where the security room, weaponry, training, and interrogation rooms were. They told me that it was impossible to escape because there was motion sensors, heat detectors, and lasers everywhere. Most of the doors had retinal scanners and that the cameras that they had everywhere had facial recognition so that someone couldn't come in and try to get me out. The guards had so many weapons that they carried on them at all times and it really did seem that it was impossible to escape. That was until a few years later when I figured out their routines and I had looked around enough to know their weaknesses. You and I both know that there isn't that many weaknesses, but I found a few that I could use. Whenever one of the guards would have a birthday all of the guards would go into one of the interrogation rooms. That left the security office and weaponry open. I went into the weaponry, which just happens to be the only room that doesn't use a retinal or fingerprint scanner and only uses a keypad, and took a few knives and some guns, I also took a baseball bat. Then, I went to the security room and turned off all of the lasers, motion sensors, and heat detectors so that I could get out. Well, technically I put them on a twenty minute timer so that they wouldn't notice that someone had turned them off. After that I just went up through the air-ducts. The tricky part was that since the 'program' was underground the air-ducts led to the sewers and I had to get out that way." He explained.

    His eyes were still closed and I looked down at the ground. "I know that you don't want to talk about it and that it's going to be hard, but what did they do to you while you were in there and what did you see?" I asked him while closing my eyes.

    "Well, the first week they wanted to make sure that I knew how to get around and everything so they would show me around. Then they would knock me out and when I would wake up I was in a completely different place with a blindfold on. The next couple of weeks they wanted to see how well I could do things so they would put me up against people on different skill levels for fighting, hacking, stealing, persuading, and thinking my way out of things. They told me that those were the main categories that we were going to be training in. I wasn't that good with any of them so I had to work really hard so that they wouldn't kill me or hurt me. I saw what they did to people that didn't do it like they wanted them to do. I also saw what they did to the ones that weren't good enough and didn't work hard enough. They made me stand there and watch as the did it. The first time that I saw it I didn't take it well and they beat me for it. Then, when I was really good in all of the categories they taught me about guns, knives, and every other weapon that they had. When I got good with them they blindfolded me and made me take them apart and put them back together. They trained me to run fast, withstand torture, know the difference between guns by listening to them, and to distinguish between where people used to work by their stance. You know, with the C.I.A and all of that good stuff. When I got a little older I had to kill people and torture them. If I chickened out they would beat me and I wouldn't be able to move for days. I had to kill and torture little kids. They made me into a monster! Why couldn't they just kill me?" He said and started screaming at the end.

    I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him close to me. Tears were streaming down his face and he looked like he was reliving all of it. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into the crook of my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair and we sat there like that for a few hours. I just let him get it all out and didn't try to talk to him or tell him that is was going to be okay, because you can't just forget all of that. He's going to be reliving all of it his entire life. There's nothing that I can do that will erase those memories. Trust me, I've tried for a couple of years to forget and nothing works.

    When he finally ran out of tears he laid down on his bed and covered his eyes with his forearm. "How about I tell you about my experience in a couple of days so that I don't just bring you down more? Plus, my story is a whole lot more complicated than yours. You just cried and I know that you're going to want to rest. Just go to sleep and I'll tell you in a few days." I told him.

   "Okay, thank you...for everything." He whispered. I just nodded and got up to leave. When I got out in the hallway I walked to my room and closed the door softly.

    I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands. He has no idea how much more complicated my story is than his. There's no way that he would've been able to go through what I did. The thing is that after I tell him I'm afraid that he's going to look at me differently and maybe even pity me. I don't want pity all I want is someone that will understand what happened to me and if he doesn't pity me then I'll have that. I'm afraid that if he pities me that he'll think I'm fragile and will treat me as if I'm going to break.

    However, it could be the complete opposite and he could be completely frightened of me and want nothing to do with me. I don't think that after I tell I'll want to be alone. I'll probably end up doing something that I'll regret and I'll more than likely get myself hurt. If I get hurt I'm afraid that I might get hurt by the wrong people and they'll get to my brother and my only two friends, Tyler and James.

    Then, there is the possibility that he'll take it fine and everything will go back to being the way it was before I told him and he told me. I just can't help thinking that he'll turn on me because I've never had someone listen to me and help be besides my brother and I can't tell my brother. If I tell my brother then he'll get all protective over me and try to put me in a freakin' plastic bubble.

    It wouldn't surprise me if he actually went out and bought a plastic ball and tried to put me in it. I mean, I just don't want anyone around me to get hurt. I don't care if I get hurt, tortured, or killed, I just don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me.

    Someone knocked on my door and I yelled for them to come in. The door opened and my brother walked in. "I'm so sorry for getting all overprotective and all of that. I just can't help it you know, I mean, I'm your big brother and it's my job to protect you. Whenever I see that you're hurt I feel like I failed and I kinda take it out on you." He rambled.

    "Brad, it's fine, I understand. However, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. If I ever need your help then I will come to you okay?" I asked.

    He nodded and walked out. I climbed under the covers and fell asleep. When I was deep in sleep flashes of when I was in the 'program' started going through my mind and from when the had me in the basement. Tons of different images flashed in front of me and then I woke up drenched in sweat and the covers sticking to my body. Suddenly a pair of strong pair of arms were wrapped around me. I looked over to see James and wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

    All he did was rub my back soothingly knowing that words wouldn't help at this moment. That's how I fell asleep for the second time that night.

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