See Me

12

I tried to sleep.

I really did.

I wanted to sleep. I was so tired. It had been almost 24 hours since I'd slept last, and that was only for a few hours at most.

The problem was that every time I closed my eyes, I was astonishingly aware that it would only take a second for someone to get to me, and I would never see it coming. Just like last night.

I tried to set up counter measures. Once I deduced the boys were asleep by the sounds of their shallow breathing, I crept across the room to shut the open door, locking it, and twisting the door knob just in case. I tried to use my pillow and the blanket to form a barrier around me, just to make it harder for someone to creep up on me. Just to give myself a few seconds to be able to react.

But when I closed my eyes, the panic was still there. So eventually, I gave up hope. I sat up against the wall, and hugged my legs against my chest. And I waited, painfully, for the sun to rise.

I didn't necessarily think Jax would be stupid enough to try to get to me in a room full of witnesses.  I also didn't necessarily think Zane, Cain or Carter would attempt to do the same thing Jax did. Not that it means much, I never thought Jax would have either.

So I sat, numbly, for hours. I didn't think about much. Except how tired I was. When the sun had finally made its appearance in the sky, and I heard the boys began to rise, I quickly fixed my blankets and laid back down on my back. I closed my eyes as I heard Carter hop off the top bunk, forgoing the small ladder completely. He didn't seem to suspect anything. I repeated the process when Cain woke. So far so good.

I stared up at the ceiling while I waited for Zane to wake up and leave the room. I was anxious to leave. I held hope that I would feel better once we were out of this house, once I was back in my room, in my own bed. I could sleep at least. Once we were out of here there would be no reminders. Out of sight and out of mind, as they say. Life would go on. Everything would be back to normal.

"Morning." Zane said out of nowhere. He had a habit of creeping up on me, apparently, just when I had my guard down.

"Hey." I greeted him back. He was in the bottom bed across from me, seated and turned towards me.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked politely. I was starting to hate the way Zane looked at me when he talked to me, like he could see past all my lies.

"Fine." I replied, looking back up at ceiling.

"I'm glad. I hate these beds. You know Carter let's you take the master bedroom every time we come up here? I always wondered why he would voluntarily give up that bed." He chuckled and then paused, waiting for me to say something. I didn't, so he continued. "I think everyone is eating breakfast, if you want to come."

"When are we leaving?" I asked him, barely letting him finish his sentence. Zane drove us here, so I assumed he would be the one to set the time to drive back.

Zane titled his head and peered at me, yet his face gave away no hint of what he was thinking. "I don't know yet. Why? Is there a time you have to be home?"

"No. I was just wondering. I'm going to go pack." I muttered quickly, jumping to my feet and leaving the room.

I paused only for a second at the door to the room this time. I had been mentally psyching myself up for this moment. I didn't look at the bed as I quickly gathered my belongings. I grabbed the first outfit I laid my hands on and tugged it onto my body. A pair of jean shorts and a pink crop top. It would have to do.

Normally, I'd pack everything with care. Not this time, I haphazardly stuffed everything in, not pausing to even separate the dirty clothes from the ones I hadn't got a chance to wear. The sooner everything was in this bag, the sooner I could leave this room and never come back.