See Me

17: Z

My movements stopped completely when she said those words. I stood in the door way for what seemed like minutes in confusion. What did she mean by that?

She fell asleep almost instantly, just like I knew she would. Anyone could tell that she was exhausted, even though she tried to hide it with makeup today. I sighed as I closed the door, making sure I locked it from the inside like she had instructed. I leaned back against the door frame and rubbed my temples. If I had been concerned before, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now.

After gathering my thoughts for a minute, I made my way back to the couch, where O and Gavin were sitting silently, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Thinking about things like this was as hard for them as it was for me, after all. They looked up as I sat back on the couch. I knew they were waiting for me to explain, but I didn't have the words.

"Tell us everything." O finally said, looking more serious than I'd seen him in a long time.

I sighed, I barely knew where to start.

"I noticed when I first met her, that she was... I don't know, distant? I thought maybe she was fighting with her friends. I don't know, girls do that kind of stuff, right? But she was there, still. For a while. She laughed, she joked, she flirted, she had fun. Then slowly, I can't pinpoint when, she just starting growing more and more detached. It's like she had this pain in her eyes that she didn't even know was there. She would zone out in the middle of a conversation. When she did laugh, it sounded hollow. She started drinking a lot."

"Sounds like Henry." Gavin injected, his voice full of sadness.

"It was exactly like Henry." I agreed. "Which is why I kept an eye on her, but she seemed like she was managing it. I don't know. It's not like she ever talked to me about anything." I let my voice trail off.

"So what changed?" O asked me.

"This weekend, we all went up to this guy Carter's lake house. He's obsessed with her, has been for years. Just like every other fucking guy at that stupid school." Gavin raised his eyebrows at the newfound anger in my voice, but I ignored it. "I caught her trying to jump into the lake when she was drunk, which by itself was not that alarming, but then she turned to me and with the blankest fucking look in her eye. She asked me if I thought it would hurt to drown."

"Shit." Gavin muttered, leaning forward on his knees.

"I chalked it up to her being drunk, but then the next day it's like the Seren I had seen for the last year and a half was gone. She was like a zombie. Like a switch had just flicked in her. She was just zoned right out, didn't talk to anyone, didn't eat, didn't smile. When she talked it was like a robotic voice, no emotion. She set the bathing suit she had worn the night before on fire. She clung around that Carter guy for the night, even though I know she can't stand him. She wouldn't sleep in her room, and then I caught her pretending to sleep the next morning when she thought people were watching her. Like she didn't want people to know she hadn't slept."

I took a breath before continuing. "The next day, she fell asleep in the car and when I went to wake her, the moment I touched her she acted like my hands were fire. She smoked weed at school today, and then when I gave her a ride home, I noticed she had a cut on her wrist."

O closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, and Gavin rubbed his shoulder. I knew this was triggering for them. "So I make her come here instead of being home alone. Then, she comes in here acting like nothing was wrong. I haven't seen her smile, let alone laugh in days and she sat there giggling. She took a bunch of Ativan, right before she came in the house I'm guessing."

"Fuck." Gavin muttered.

"Yeah. Plus the whole scene she just made, even though before this weekend I know for a fact she hated when guys looked at her. She pretended not to notice, but I could see the disgust in her eyes. Then, when I left her to sleep, she asked me to lock the door and then said don't let anyone get me, like what the fuck does that even mean?" I finished, and picked up the remote in front of me and threw it at the wall in frustration.

"Do you think something happened this weekend?" O asked me after a moment. "Like something bad?"

"I don't see how. She was only alone when she slept the first night there." Nothing dramatic had happened at all, if you don't include Jax's jealousy.

"Don't fall for the beautiful ones, they're never happy inside." Gavin almost whispered. It was something our old basketball coach had always told us. He was about 85 and crazy as a bat, so we always used to roll our eyes.

"So what are you going to do?" O asked me.

"I have no fucking clue." I shook my head.

"Do you actually think she's dangerous to herself?" Gavin pressed me.

"No. Yes." I groaned. "I don't know. You guys just witnessed what happened, she's harder to read than anyone I've ever met." I had no doubt she could lie as easily as she breathed. I only knew her tells because of how much I had watched her say those lies.

"We never thought Henry was either." Gavin said quietly. "A danger to himself, I mean. But I know that if I could go back in time, I would have done anything I could to stop it."

"But what would you have done?" I asked him, my tone was sharper than I meant it to be. "Tell her that you're there for her, because I already did that. Keep an eye out for her? I did that. Basically kidnap her so that she's not home alone? Yep, that too."

"Does she have any other friends? Besides your group?" O asked.

"Not that I know of, and honestly I think she secretly hates everyone in our group anyways." I explained. Why would she like them? Besides Cain and Noah, they all treated her like an object.

"So be her friend. All of us can be." Gavin urged me.

"I can try. I'm just not sure if she's too far closed to let anyone in." I muttered.