See Me

24

The plan which I had deviously devised in the early morning hours was a complete success.

All it took was a yell down the stairs to my dad that I had a ride to school for him to leave the house without another glance back.

All it took was a simple text to Olivia that I was sick to know she would tell anyone who would listen.

All it took was the powering off of my phone to be left in complete silence, both in the real world and the digital one.

And although I was perfectly content, sitting on my couch in my pyjamas, squishing skittles together between my fingertips before I popped them in my mouth, there was still one nagging thought in the back of my mind.

My pills were still at school, and school was not a place I intended to go to for, well, as long as I could pull off not going.

The weed worked. It made my mind slow down. It made me not care. It made me not feel, as much. But the pills- they made me not feel at all.

The doorbell rung, interrupting me from the hypnotized way I watching a women cry and curse from the top of the staircase on TV. It didn't matter that she was speaking Spanish and I couldn't understand a word she said. I was sucked into the drama of the daytime television world none the less. I ignored the annoying tone, as much as I could anyways, before the knocking started.

"Seren! I know you're in there. I can hear the TV." I rolled my eyes at the voice.

I kept my eyes on the TV screen as I moved towards the door. I didn't want to miss the action, after all. I peaked through the peephole to confirm my suspicions. When I threw the door open, there stood Zane. He looked good. Does Zane always look this good? He was holding a white plastic bag, and the aroma floating towards my noise confirmed it was some sort of takeout.

I only noticed these things for a moment, however, because the second I saw him holding my backpack, my attention focused solely on that.

"Olivia said you were sick." Zane said, causing my eyes to flicker back up to his face, only for moment before snapping back down to my bag. "I brought soup."

"Thanks." I muttered out, reaching for my backpack. He didn't hesitate in relinquishing it to me, and I quickly took it inside, plopping it down on the coffee table in front of my couch and sitting down on my knees.

"You don't look too bad though, Seren. Olivia said you had the flu." Zane said from the door. I guess he took the still open door as an invitation and came in, since I heard the door close once more. I was too busy rooting through my backpack to confirm that theory with my eyes.

My stomach filled with dread as I checked the pockets, ripping the loose papers and various knickknacks out of them and tossing them on the floor. They weren't here. Why weren't they here? I had left them here.

"You won't find them, Seren." Zane said calmly, and I noticed he was standing behind the couch, watching me with worried eyes. "They fell out when I grabbed your backpack. You said they were yours."

"They are mine." I snapped at him. I wondered if I should feel embarrassed that Zane had seen them, but I didn't. I only felt anger.

"They're not prescribed to you." Zane continued, walking around the couch and sitting down in front of me. "They're prescribed to your dad, from years ago."

"He gave them to me." I lied through my teeth.

"I know when you're lying to me, Seren." Zane looked disappointed in me. Such a stark comparison from when he looked at me with hope in his eyes yesterday.

"You don't know anything about me." I told him. I wish he would stop pretending that he did.

"I know a lot of things about you. And you would see that if you just opened your eyes!" Zane's voice was slightly raised now. Not in anger, almost in desperation. "I know you're hurting right now. I know you're struggling. I know something happened to you. I know you think those pills are helping."

I opened my mouth like I was about to say something, but I don't know why I did that. I didn't have anything to say.

"They're not, by the way." Zane added, shaking his head. "Neither is getting high by yourself instead of going to school." He raised his eyebrow as he said it, like he knew that I thought he wouldn't notice.

"You don't understand." I told him. He wouldn't. He would never understand.

"So tell me! Make me understand. Help me understand." His voice was almost pained now. He stood up off the couch, before lowering himself so that his weight was on his knees, like I was. He moved slowly, like I was an injured cat he found on the street, knowing one quick movement would make me run away. He placed his hands on my arms. "Tell me what's going on."

I pushed my chin into my shoulder. The way he was looking at me was too much. He was looking at me like he could save me. But I know he can't. No one can.

When I didn't answer, he sighed. "I found a note in your locker when I went to get your backpack."

I froze. I don't even think I took a breath.

"I read it." Zane said.

I snapped my eyes up to his. He read it? He can't of. He's not allowed. Zane reading whatever was in that note was like Zane stumbling dangerously close to a secret that he could never know about. He could never know because then he would know.

"It said, I won't wait forever. There was no name." Zane was trying to catch my eye, but I wouldn't let him. If I let him, then Zane would know I'm about to lie. I have to lie.

"Is there someone who's bugging you at school?" It's like I was an expired can of food and Zane was desperately trying to open me with a knife. "I can help you. We all can. Me, Cain, Jax...."

"Stop." I jerked away from him. I stood to my feet, desperate to get away from his words. "Just stop."

"Tell me, Seren." Zane got up and followed me. Every time his body came close to mine, I twisted away and walked in the other direction.

"What happened?" He demanded again. We were playing a game of cat and mouse, and I wasn't sure who was winning.

"What happened?" He asked again. I bumped into the wall, and he quickly trapped me with his arms. I couldn't walk away now. I couldn't evade him.

"Please. Tell me what happened. I can see your pain. Seren, I can feel it." His voice was gentle now.

"Nothing happened!" I felt my mouth start to quiver. "Nothing happened. Nothing happened." My eyes were wet. I can't remember the last time my eyes were wet. I was trying to blink the wetness away, but it only spilled down my cheeks instead.

Zane looked startled. I don't know if he was startled that I was crying or he was startled that I was repeating the same words over and over again. He looked scared. Like I was a vase he had just knocked off the mantle and he didn't know what to do with the broken pieces.

"Nothing happened." My voice was barely a whisper, and I leaned my head forward, against his chest. He didn't hesitate as he dropped his arms from the wall, bringing them around me and hugging me tightly.

"Nothing happened." I repeated, breathing in his scent. It was comforting to me. Zane was comforting to me.

"Okay." He whispered back.