See Me

20

I couldn't help the way my eyes ran over Zane's face in silent surprise.

Not only was I surprised that Zane had complimented me, I was surprised that his compliment consisted of so little words but had managed to make me feel so many things.

The first was a mild confusion. I knew Zane seemed to feel this annoying sense of duty to keep me alive and kicking, which was something that he needn't worry about in the first place. Yet, I had never felt the sense that Zane looked at me as any more than that.

The second was a tinge of self doubt. Even though Zane was staring back at me with nothing but sincerity in his expression, I couldn't help but wonder if his compliment was just another attempt at rescuing me from my own thoughts.

But the third was the most surprising of all, because I could only wonder if the small flurry of tingles that nestled deep in my stomach were what the books I used to read referred to as butterflies.

Either way, I couldn't find it in me to tell Zane that he was wrong. I knew what kind of girl I was, and I knew what kind of things boys noticed about me.

The bell ringing snapped me from my thoughts, and I became embarrassingly aware that I had been staring at Zane's face for the last minute. He didn't seem phased, as he was staring right back at me. I dropped my eyes down to the ground, watching as the ash from my cigarette gently danced around the small gravel as the wind gently blew.

And I felt something else I haven't felt in a long time- self conscious.

Zane cleared his throat as the moment was broken between us. "You heading to the cafeteria?"

A deep sigh left my lungs. Lunch was the only time during school where I actually have to be in proximity to Jax. Everything about him made my skin crawl. It's like his presence scratched every delicate part of my soul. In the worst way possible.

"We could, uh, grab something from somewhere else?" Zane asked me, and my eyes flicked back up to him in curiosity. "If you want."

I noticed that Zane seemed to read my thoughts before I even seemed to have them.

"Like what?" I asked him.

"Whatever you want, Seren." He responded with a small smile, and the sight of his smile alone made me feel like returning one.

"Yeah, alright." I shrugged, instead.

Zane looked like I had just told him he won the lottery, and I knew that he felt one step closer to saving my poor, tortured soul.

Again, I couldn't tell him how wrong he was.

He jumped to his feet, using his hands to dust the excess dirt off his dark jeans that comes with sitting on the concrete ground. He looked down at me and held his hand out, offering to help me up. I looked at it, debating on taking it, but he seemed to quickly notice my hesitation and shoved it back into his pocket.

I pulled myself up the wall, tugging on the ends of my short skirt, and followed him into the parking lot.

I couldn't help but notice the air of ease that Zane held. He walked without a doubt of his importance and place in the world. It was calming, almost. Though I doubted I emitted anything of the same sort any longer, maybe I could again.

We climbed into Zane's car, and as he started the engine and the audio roared to life, I noticed the frequency in which his eyes travelled to me. It made me feel guilty, in a sense. Almost as if he was concerned about my every move, like I would take the opportunity to strangle myself with the seatbelt if he wasn't present.