See Me

35

Zane didn't mention the kiss.

He didn't mention it as we pulled ourselves out of the water, shivering as our water soaked clothes left a chill clinging to our bodies.

He didn't mention it as we climbed into his car, the dampness no doubt sinking into the leather seats.

He didn't mention as we drove back to the city, the music loud and the windows open, so that the rush of the air whipped around our heads.

He didn't mention it. It was all I was thinking about.

It was so short. A second. One second. Fleeting.

I've kissed a lot of boys in my life. I've had a lot of first kisses. Most of them have been when I was drunk, at the height of my so thought feeling state.

I've had kisses that lasted for hours, passionate and heavy. I've had kisses that lead to the finish line. I've had kisses that I thought were great. None of them compared to that single second when my lips touched Zane's. It was the kind of kiss that left me pressing my fingers against my lips the entire drive home.

"Do you want me to come in?" Zane asked me as he pulled up to my house. "Is your dad coming back tonight?"

"Yeah. He should be back soon." I answered. It was already well into the evening now. "You don't need to come in."

Zane glanced between my house and me like he was expecting there to be a sign of what he should do. "If you're sure."

"I'll be fine until my dad comes home." I reassured him. I felt like that was true. I felt stronger than I had in a long time.

Zane reached over me again, like he had this morning, and dug around in his his glove department. "Here."

He handed me the small yellow bottle of pills.

"Just... only one at a time." He smiled softly at me.

"Thank you. I'll be okay. I promise." I told him.

"Okay but..." Zane started as I opened the car door.

"Call you if I need anything." I finished for him, stepping out of the car. I was about to close the door when Zane called my name again.

"Seren."

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"This was the best day I've had in a while." He stated, looking sheepishly down at his lap, before flicking his eyes back up at me. "I had a lot of fun."

"Me too, to both of those things." I smiled.

"You'll be at school tomorrow?" Zane asked me. He must have noticed my hesitant look. "I'll be there with you. I can pick you up and we'll go together."

"Okay." I said after a second. "I'll see you tomorrow." I continued with a wave, closing the door. It was true, after all. This was the best day that I've had in a long time. Longer than I can remember.

As I entered my house, closing the door and locking it behind me, the bubble wrap of calmness that had surrounded me by Zane's presence slowly faded.

Dad will be home soon. I repeated in my head as I collapsed onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around me.

My dad didn't come home.

He called me not long after I got home, telling me he would be gone another two nights.

I didn't take my pills. Believe me. I wanted to. But I realized that they would make me go to sleep, and asleep is not something I could afford to be tonight. If he came. I spent the entire night with my back to the front door, a baseball bat that I had found in my dads closet clutched in my hands. I had thought about calling Zane. I wanted to call Zane. I almost did. My phone was in my hands. But I didn't.