Change For Me

43. weed brownies

~~~~

I take my time when walking to French class.

Do I regret it? It feels like I do.

The reality of what happened this morning hit me as soon as I woke up. Which resulted in a lot of 'slapping some sense into me' because I can't accept that I was intimate with Jae Foster.

As much as I enjoyed—physically—I'm still dubious about what we've done. Like such of an action makes me guilty although I've done nothing wrong.

Perhaps it's because I no longer have this 'innocence'? Maybe it's doing something bad behind my parents' back? I don't know.

My mind continues to play tricks on me. I honestly think that I'm dreaming. I also may be just tired and it's messing up my perception, because I cannot believe that it happened. Yet, the soreness all over my body and his scent that somehow lingers after the shower I took this morning, tells me otherwise. It only enhances the thought of his hands creeping down—

Yeah, no.

"Shit." I stop in front of the door once I notice Jae sitting in his seat. He's usually late, so seeing him this early scared all the confidence out of me. "Nope," I turn around.

"Hey Ellie!" Roman throws an arm over my shoulder and leads me back the direction that I'm avoiding.

"Hi," I look at my shoes because I instantly felt it. Jae's eyes pierces right through me once we've entered.

"You're still going on that 'date' right?" He suggests amusingly.

I don't have the mood to even think about. I'm busy overthinking and only ashamed.

I clear my throat, "it's still happening?"

"Fuck, did Eva mention it—"

"Don't scare her away." Eva slaps his arm, causing it slip down back to his side. She then drags me to our seats and ushers me to take it.

I fidget, secretly scooting my chair closer to hers. The tension so immense and the awkwardness—mostly from me—consumes me the closer I am to him. However, this draws his interest the most.

"What are you doing?" He asks and prevents my chair from moving any further with a strong grasp at one of its legs.

"Uh—nothing." I frantically shake my head. My stuttering doesn't assure him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I hesitantly say, turning away from him.

"Mhm." I hear him lean back which gives us more space between us. I take a deep breath and face Eva who has already taken out her notes.

"How was your break?" She looks up from her notebook.

"Boring." I roll my eyes, taking out my own books as well.

"You didn't do anything?"

"Nope." I focus on calming my heartbeat. I feel the heat rise to cheeks as if it knows I'm lying—I sort of am. "How about you?"

"My cousins from Hawaii came to visit." She smiles.

"That's great! I wish I had cool relatives." I didn't mean for it to come out so disappointing. I replace the upcoming frown with a smile.

Eva laughs, "I forgot you're an only child—can't relate."

"Bonjour!" Madame happily greets the class as she waddles into the room. "How was your guys' break?"

Silence.

"Nothing happened?" She sighs when the class blankly stares at her. "I deserve it."

"You had to give a test on our first day back?" Taron crosses her arms.