Change For Me

48. theresa

~~~~

"March break bitches!" Eva applauds once we enter the classroom. My eyes widen at the inappropriate choice of word, considering where we are and who we are with.

"Language," Madame scolds but doesn't seem to care that much. She then directs us where to put the boxes we're helping her carry. "You can put them over there. Thank you again for staying after school. I need to get this over with sooner or later."

"Of course." I smile.

Madame looks past us with furrowed brows. I follow her gaze and notice nothing behind us which makes me more curious. "Wheres Taron?" She asks.

Eva neatly stacks the boxes and sighs. "She stayed back with Mr. Mac and the team."

"That girl," Madame shakes her head. "Why don't the both of you collect her from the gym so you can go home. It is your break after all."

Me and Eva grab our bags from the corner of the room. We thank Madame for all of her hard work, leave the classroom, and walk towards the other side of the school like instructed.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Eva jumps excitedly all while shaking me in the process. I put on a smile although I feel terrible inside. I've never been so anxious.

"Sure," I choose as my answer because honestly, I've been fed up with what happened with my parents and Jae following right after. It still hasn't processed instead, it's eating me alive as a consequence.

"Ellie!" she gasps.

"What?"

"Did you get fucked? Got some di—" Her question catches me off guard.

"What!" I choke. "Excuse me, did I hear you properly?"

Her once excited expression falters, "Awe you didn't. I thought—stupid brain." She taps her head but something continues to bother me although I've rejected her idea.

"Okay..."

"Something changed about you," her head tilts at me as if she's analyzing what I'm thinking. Promise, she doesn't want to. "In a good way," She quickly adds.

"What's different?" I keep my attention ahead of us.

"You're starting to step out of your shell." She smiles and I don't. I'm not too sure why her comment doesn't seem to amuse me.

"Am I?" We manage to arrive at the gym.

"I can feel it. It's this aura." She roams her hands around my body while I roll my eyes at her humor.

"Thank you?"

"No problem." She perks up. "About the movie tomorrow. Did you ask—"

"I already asked my mom." It honestly sounded like I was quick to dismiss it, in which truthfully I was, but she doesn't appear to notice. She simply continues to smile and gets excited about our quote-in-quote date tomorrow whereas I'm nothing alike.

It's been a few weeks since the incident with my parents and telling Jae practically...everything. It feels good to release these years of burden to someone who's understanding but it doesn't mean I'm more relieved. I believe that I'm more stressed than anything because there's a part of me that regrets it. Why did I do it? Why did I have to play victim and make myself more weak?

I'm embarrassed for the most part.

I trust Jae or else I wouldn't have told him however, I'm accustomed to overthinking and the anxiety that comes along with it. I'm worried that I may have made a wrong decision by making an impression of myself that I hate the most: vulnerable.