Hate To Love You... (Hawks/Keigo Takami x Reader)

Chapter 53

Disclaimer : This chapter contains lemony goodness. Don't like, don't read ^-^

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Sighing gently to myself, I stand in my bedroom with my eyes trained in on my reflection. Insecurities picking away slowly and slowly at my mind as I judge my appearance with a small sniffle. Hands sliding over my stomach, looking at the skin and trying to figure out why on earth it decided to heal this way. Phlegm slowly building up in my throat as I clear my throat and shake my head with a whine. Hands slightly shaking as I can't manage to tear my eyes away from each and every insecurity. My mind reeling with sorrow...

The scars on my stomach stick out the most, unable to leave my eyesight. They stick out like a sore thumb. They really, really do. All they serve is a reminder of that time I got kidnapped. Being trapped in a windowless room that never had any heating. Being cold in the corner, shivering on the slab of stone for a bed with the thinnest blanket known to man to try and keep me warm...

Why couldn't they just go away?...

I don't need any more reminders of that night. I don't want to know what happened anymore, I just want to forget that night... why couldn't it just go away? Why does it have to stay ingrained in my mind?! I don't want it! I don't —

"What are you doing looking in the mirror with a frown on your face?" Keigo asks as he walks into our bedroom. The male sending me a small reassuring smile as my teeth worry the skin of my bottom lip. Unfortunately, Keigo can read me like an open book, so can't exactly lie my way out of this one, "Babe? Talk to me, what's gotten you feeling all blue?"

I almost want to scoff at that question. I have to almost bite back a cynical laugh that threatens to leave my lips as the questions leaves his lips. What's got me feeling down? I mean... I have many things that I could think of that makes me want to cry. What do I have that possibly makes me want to curl into myself and hide for the rest of my life? What makes me want to smash the mirror into nothing but dust particles? I mean...

Where do I even begin?...

Do I just leave the question and play it cool, act like I haven't just been staring in the mirror for the last half an hour? Do I face it head on and have a rant about everything that I feel is wrong with me? What do I even begin to do with this?

Part of me just wants to brush him off, to tell him that everything is fine. Smile the pain away and act like this never happened. Act like today's just an off day mentally and just go back to sitting on the couch and eating junk food until the slump finally passes without Keigo having to know a single detail. However; some parts of me want me to list everything and anything I can think of that's got me feeling like I can't do this anymore. Parts of me want me to burst into tears and seek comfort from the one man that I have sort of devoted my life to right now...

I just don't know what to do in this situation...

Keigo is hurting enough as it is. The last thing I want him to worry about is me. He has more things that he needs to worry about than worrying about me frowning at my reflection, I know that for a fact. He doesn't need to worry, he really doesn't. Losing his wings and being unable to work for a couple of weeks is bad enough on his mind. What will it do when I tell him I'm being so self conscious about my body that I plan on never undressing again? Last thing I want is to upset Keigo more than he already is.