Maturing in Love by Rhizome Olivia Quondam

Her Life Is Greater Than Her Violation

I'm tired of rape justice/revenge fictional stories, and real-life narratives, focusing mostly on male perpetrator(s), minimizing and decentralizing women in their own rape, vilifying women's attempts of seeking legal justice, and then forgetting about the women once the case has been either denied a trial, or decided by the jury, or she incriminates herself. I'm not excluding male victims; that's another multilayered issue that deserves separate attention. What about her recovery? What about her reconstruction of her life? Who is she besides a rape victim: a human being?

The moment you stop fearing your violator(s), is the same moment your violator(s) starts fearing you; sexual violence is all about taking away another person's power; take back your power and empower yourself. It may take several years/decades, but your violator(s)/violation(s) will just become "another bump in the road". Don't give up your headspace; they did it to get into your head, and control your life.

There are three parts of sexual violence recovery;

Stage 1: I am a victim of sexual violence. I have stopped giving up my power. I stopped my learned helplessness when I realized that I had been manipulated into empowering the abuser(s) who overpowered me. The focus is on justice and processing what was done to me: the violation(s) and the violator(s).

Stage 2: I am a survivor of sexual violence. I am taking back my power. I am regaining my power.  The focus is on processing and overcoming the trauma. This is where I learning about myself, teaching myself who I want to be, and love myself again. It wasn't my fault, and this is still my life to live. This is where I neuter my violation(s).

Stage 3: I was a victim of sexual violence. I now understand that sexual violence is about power. I no longer allow the traumatic event(s), nor the resulting trauma(s), to define me. The focus is on me, because I have castrated what was done to me. I have defeated fear; my violation(s), and my violator(s) no longer have any power over me. I am free. I am me. I am in control of my life again. The trauma(s) and (violation(s) are no longer part of me; I no longer have to walk on eggshells to tiptoe around trauma triggers.

I have stopped blaming myself, I have stopped guilt-tripping myself, and have stopped sabotaging myself, and I have stopped fighting myself. I stopped caring all of it, and I started caring about me. It's the stage of radical acceptance. You win when you forget and you no longer react. You win when you make peace out of all of your broken pieces. This is about you. You have the power; you've always had the power hidden within you.