Maturing in Love by Rhizome Olivia Quondam

The Love Letter to the Poet of the Bonnet Sonnets

"You're all right," you'd say to me

I knew that I was right

I knew that you were right

You knew that I was right

You knew that you were right

We acknowledged that

You brood whenever you're in a good mood

You'd die if you weren't misunderstood

"Happiness is a chimera," you'd say to us

Yet you devote your life

To your yes-people's imaginary monsters

To your yes-people's personal demons

Do you think that tragedy makes you special?

Is that why you're no one when you're smiling?

To be a somebody, you must be yourself

Your self-deviation is not a beneficial decision

Don't you know?

The spotlight is for beggars

"Love is a hydra," you'd say to us

You'll never stop over-thinking though

I only could only confirm your heart's existence

Through common sense science

You'd briefly relapse and feel

But then you'd

Break your own heart

Out of paranoia of your mind breaking

Because you hate that you love

You scream at the sight of your own shadow

Yet you shift between the sunlight and shade

Why don't you just

Permit yourself allowance

Of your natural born right to feel

You're human

No drugs can ever change your species

"The Triple Goddess becomes the Moirai," you'd say to yourself

You lather yourself in flattery

You don't ever care about the sex itself

You bed all of those women

To feel desirable

To feel valuable

But none of them mean any of it at all

They're just filling their emptiness with your desperation

You're just stalling every time you call them

You're chasing your own tail

Because you're phobic

Of going off your self-made trail

But you've already derailed yourself

That's why you despise questions of details

You couldn't ignore the truth when I implored your admission

"The only way to survive is to hold back," you'd say to us

You'll be dead before you're incompetent and powerless again

You believe that vulnerability is weakness

You forbid reverting back to your free-will

Your self-dictatorship's propaganda is self-depreciating

Your mind/body/soul conflict is autocratic

Why do you compromise yourself?

You comprise of someone lovable

Why can't you see in yourself what I see in you?

You're somebody to me regardless

"Romances can only conclude as tragedies," you'd say to us

I wish that this love wasn't within me

But I've been suffocating from

Withholding the truth

I've been in my own choke-hold

Because I wasn't bold enough

To hold you when you could barely sleep

To kiss every cry when you'd weep

To clean up the messes that'd seep from you

To have told you that gratitude isn't servitude

That's the problem with thinking too deep

I felt too small to explain your greatness to you

Life is healthier lived as cold than warm

However, we're hotblooded and cool-headed

We're self-aware of our self-denial

But we don't know how to be anything else

"I'd hurt myself to pull back from reaching for untouchable you," I'd say about myself

"Don't because I'm not even worth my own life," you'd say about yourself

What's the difference?

You and I are the same

No deflections can prevent us from self-reflecting

We'll never select happiness

Every chance that we receive

We'll re-elect self-destruction and self-hatred

"You're all wrong," I'd say to you

I knew that you were wrong

I knew that I was wrong

You knew that I was wrong

You knew that you were wrong

We accepted that