Perfect For Me

CHAPTER 14 (Liam Williams)

With a groan I turned around. Something had disturbed my sleep. Oh, right! The doorbell... I was so tired even though we didn't have school today to give us enough time to get ready for the homecoming ball tomorrow night. I totally wasn't looking forward to it. I hadn't asked any girl to be my date -although I'm sure many would have said yes- because, well I was gay. And I hadn't asked a boy because one, I didn't know who and two... I WAS confident about my sexuality but still I was somewhat afraid of what people would say if the team captain/ best player of one of the soccer teams liked men. So I never had told anyone from school, exept Nate of course. 

While drifting off to sleep again I heard quick light footsteps run towards the door. Huh? Who-"No! Ethan, no!" I jumped out of bed. Ethan knew very well he wasn't allowed to open the front door. In an environment like ours it wasn't uncommon for creepy people to turn up at your doorsteps. And I was really scared that something would happen to him. So I got out of my room to prevent him from opening the door.

I came too late, the door was already open. But luckily it hadn't been some stranger but Ryan. Who currently attentively listened to my little brother rambling on about -who could have guessed? - his friend Timmy. God, I loved to hear my brother talking but I felt like I knew way too much about Timmy by now. But back to the current situation: Ryan had squatted down and my brother stood between his legs, absentmindely playing with some string of Ryan's hoodie. A hoodie which looked hot! Erm... that's what most people would think at least. Most girls I mean.

 "How about I quickly keep Ethan occupied and you go and put on some clothes?" Ryan's voice interrupted my observation of the two. Oh... He was right. I only wore boxers. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, but I tried to ignore it. "Why? I'm sure you like me better this way..." Ha! Now it was his turn to blush! Wait...why did he blush? Was he gay too?

I shook my head to get rid of my thoughts and went back to my room. Now really wasn't the time to question Ryan's sexuality. Not that it was ever MY time to question his sexuality. I mean it was completely irrelevant for me who he liked! Tomorrow everything had to be perfect, and we wanted to go over the details a last time. Probably the reason why he was at my door the first place...

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"Hey, you want to go to my room and wait there?" I asked Ryan while stepping into the living room, finally fully clothed in my favourite blue t-shirt wich had to electrons and a physic-joke on it. Some might find it lame but I thought it was funny. Judging by the look Ryan gave me, he didn't get the joke. What a surprise. Everything that needed more than to braincells to be participated was hard for him to do. (AN: I put in a picture of Liam's shirt on the side/top)

I turned to my little brother. "We have to discuss  something..." I added with a strict look. "Sure." Ryan shrugged though Ethan looked kinda terrified. He knew exactly what this was about. It's not like I often had to scold him but when I did it was even harder, for me and for him. I waited for my rival to close the door to my room after going inside before opening my mouth.

"So, tell me little man, what did I tell you about when someone rings the door?" I boomed. "Do not open it." Ethan answered in a little voice. "Right! So why did you? Do you know what could have happened to you?! There are really bad people out there Ethan! You could get hurt or even worse!" "But..." Ethan dared to interrupt me. "Oh, don't but me, mister! You got yourself into this. No TV for the next week for you!" "But I didn't mean to make you upset Lili..." My brother said with tears in his eyes. I sighed. I hated to act like the bad parent. I wasn't even a parent, even less a bad one. But someone had to rebuke him. I sighed again. "I know Ethan. I'm sorry for yelling at you but you have to understand that this is important, okay?. I really don't want you to get hurt. I love you!" "I love you too..." Ethan mumbled. I put my arms around him. "I love you to the moon and back." Ethan giggled "I love me too." "What?!" Oh god, four-year-olds!

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"Sorry, that just was important to me." I apologised to Ryan who sat on my bed and probably had heard the whole conversation. He just waved it off. "It's alright. Unlike your t-shirt. Your such a nerd!" he snickered. I rolled my eyes: "Better being a nerd than an idiot!" Without giving him a chance to reply I added a: "Let's just get started."

An hour later we both sat on my bed and did what we were the best at. Arguing. And not even about something important or homecoming related, but....

"You can't seriously claim that you're the better soccer player?!" No idea how we got to this topic. "Sure. Why? You think you're better? Oh please! Just look at the number of goals you shot last season. I shot twice as much." "Yeah, because you are incapable of playing in a team! But news flash Ryan! Soccer isn't a one-on-one game!"

I was furiously staring at the other boy. He stared right back. No one dared to look away and seem like the weaker one. In school there always were people like Nate, Benn, Jamie or Ryan's friends around us to stop our staring contests but I was sure here it would last forever. But I didn't really mind. I would proof him that I was stronger! He was such a self-centered dickhead! 
But to be honest... I didn't really mind staring at him, he really had pretty eyes. Big and brown with a hint of green in it. Just so you could drown in them. Well not really. Just metaphorical. If you liked him. Which I didn't. Therefore I didn't drown in his eyes. It was my full decision to not look away!

I hadn't noticed how close we were to each other until now. Out foreheads were just two centimetres apart, our noses almost touching. My eyes focused on his, everything else going kinda blurry. I physically wasn't able to see anything else apart from his brown eyes. My breathing picked up as I saw his expression soften. And suddenly, I didn't even know how it happened or who leant in first, our lips were touching.

On reflex I closed my eyes and forgot about my surroundings. I just felt his soft lips moving against mine. The kiss was deep, although no tounges were involved. I couldn't resist and grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him impossibly closer. His finger found my waist and curled around my t-shirt. The kiss was heated, both of us poured all of our frustration in it. And believe me, there was a lot of frustration. Like, hating each other for YEARS added a lot of fuel to the fire of.... well of what? It certainly weren't feelings but....there was SOMETHING. It caused my mind to become numb, and tingles spread through my body. Suddenly, the tingles were gone. And so were Ryan's lips.

He looked at me aghast. I looked back the same way. "I- I'm not... I'm not a-a fag!" He spat out. Sure. Because straight men always kiss their MALE friends. Totally.

Okay, Liam now really wasn't the time to joke around. I was too shocked to say anything and could just watch him leaving, sitting on my bed like an idiot. What the hell had just happened?

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When I laid in bed later that evening I thought about the kiss. Why the hell had we kissed? Why the hell had he leaned in? Or had it been me? I couldn't even tell. Did I really like Ryan? I mean he surely was good looking...and he could be very nice. And he was a good listener. But he called me a fag. And he knew how to make me laugh. And how to make me mad. But he also was so open hearted and a good cook and incredibly nice to Ethan and....

While I thought about him, my fingers unconsciously traced my lips. I missed the tingles he had put there. And the warmth in my chest. Shit...maybe I did like him.