Perfect For Me

CHAPTER 3 (Ryan Lander)

With a soft click the door fell into place and I shrugged of my jacket and put off my shoes. I didn't understand how some people would wear them at home. Like do you know how gross that is?

 "Hey darling, didn't think you'd be here so soon again. How was your day?" Darling? That was something new. But I bet she just thought I was- "Oh, I thought you were Micah.", my mom said after she came down the stairs and saw that it was only me in the hallway. I knew she didn't do it on purpose but still couldn't help myself but hate her a little bit for the way her eyes stopped glistening when she noticed I wasn't my older brother. I probably hated my brother even a little more, just for exsiting. It wasn't really his fault but it wasn't mine either that he was so incredibly perfect in every way possible. Shaking my head I just gave my mom a tight-lipped smile and slipped past her to go up the stairs and in my room.

My room. The only place in this house where I felt like I was wanted there. Maybe it was because of the fact that there were no pictures of my brother. Or his certificates for a variety of things he had done. Or his soccer medals. Instead, there were pictures of me and my friends. There were MY certificates and MY medals I had achieved but my parents never were interested enough in me to even know I played soccer as well and had scored even more goals than my stupid brother.... 

So, some people may say it looks like I was a self-centred asshole, but I think living in a family like mine just did that to you. Worshipping yourself more because no one else was there to do it for you.

Back to my room: There were only two out of four walls full of ME. One was almost only made out of windows and one was too special to be "defaced" by my pictures. This wall was probably the real reason why I liked my room this much. On there hung my guitar and a giant pin board full of my song ideas. Pushed against it was my e-piano, 'cause yeah, I, your average jock, loved music. And this was the most precious wall ever. Only the most important things were allowed to be there. Music and one single photo of me with my two best friends. Jeremy and Andrew, short Andy. 

By the way also the only two people who ever were allowed to see my room and knew about my habit of singing and writing songs. Well, my family knew too. At least I think so. It's not like they would really acknowledge me. Of course they saw me and kinda talked to me but they never truly saw ME.

To distract me from my thoughts I went over to my piano and did what I always did to distract myself from my own thoughts. My fingers almost started playing on their own. The chords of anyone by Demi Lovato filled the silence and calmed my mind. Unlike all the guys in these cheesy teenage movies I couln't remember the chords completely and had to stop to pick up my "song-book". I mean, seriously, who was able to remember a ton of song chords in their head?

The familiar tune calmed me down and I started to sing. I just felt like the song described my life. Although I would never admit loud that I even knew who Demi was. But in the security of my room I let my inner fanboy out and put all of my heart in the song. I didn't belt out the chorus like they did, not really. I just wasn't that talented. Nevertheless the song lulled me into a feeling of being not the only one.

After a few more minutes just playing mindlessly whatever melody was in my head I decided to do my homework before I would head out to Benn's party. Alcohol seemed exactly what I needed right now. Okay, that sounds like I was really irresponsible but I was not! I almost never drank enough to even get a hangover!

The entry to Benn's house was already filled with different cars when I arrived around nine o'clock. No wonder, the party had started about two hours ago. I slowly got out of my car and made my way over to the door and into living room. I could see Benn talking to someone, probably Liam Williams. I really couldn't see what everyone else seemed to see in that boy. He just tried to be overly nice to everyone to be liked by everybody. And he just was a total nerd. I bet all he does is studying in his free time because he had no life and made his mommy proud and lived the perfect life and didn't even appreciate what he had. 

Oh, and he hated me. Enough reasons for me to dislike him as well. So, I avoided that area and decided I would greet the party host later. For now I got myself a beer and searched for my friends. And maybe a pretty little girl who was willed to be my one-night stand today. Shouldn't be too hard, considering my status at school. I didn't sleep with every girl, I just didn't do relationships and every once in a while, I had to satisfy my needs, don't judge me!

Two hours later I hadn't found a girl but instead an ongoing round of truth or drink. Not the greatest game but always interesting. I hardly ever drank enough to forget who I was and what I wanted people to know about me, so I always was able to remember other people's secrets revealed on games like this. Right now it was Nathan's turn. At least that's what I thought was his name. 

After all he was on the other team, so not interesting enough to me to remember how he was called. After he answered whatever question he had been asked he looked around until his eyes settled on me. I saw Liam, who was sitting next to him, whispering something into his ears which made Nathan grin devilishly. "Hey, Ryan. So, tell me....why haven't you ever been in a relationship? Can't get any girls to like you?" He laughed until he started to hiccup. I sat still and thought about my answer. I could easily lie but I decided to take a sip of the cup that stood in front of me. Some people may call this unnecessary, but I just felt like nobody needed to know about my trust issues because of my family. It was just something I didn't like to talk about. 

And Liam knew this. He was far too observant for his own good. I locked my eyes at Nate. "Don't look so smug just because you got me to drink. Relationships may not be my thing but at least I am man enough to get through a full soccer practise. Not that it would be that hard. But apparently too hard for your little friend, right?" My gaze shifted to Liam. "Or what is your excuse for missing training yesterday? Was little Liam too weak? Oh, I'm sorry! Shouldn't expect too much from a wimp like you." 

With that I stood up, smirking at the hateful glare Liam sent my way, and said my goodbyes. It was already three in the morning and I liked to tell myself that my family cared enough about me that they would call the police if I went missing for a whole night. Probably a lie but whatever....