Perfect For Me

CHAPTER 9 (Liam Williams)

I had to say, I was surprised. Working with Ryan wasn't half as unbearable as I had thought it would be. Sure, we had our good amount of fights over the silliest things the last hours. BUT they were only verbal. You have to see the little things. Still, we would never be more than "aquaintances". I was fine with that. While I was thinking I turned the last table upside down. "This one is good. That means that out of these 210 tables only 42 were broken. That would be-" I quickly calculated it in my head. "-20%. So, we have 80%, means 168 tables which don't need to be repaired." I just shrugged as Ryan gave me a strange look. I knew it was odd to like maths, but it somehow calmed me down. There were strict rules, and nothing ever went out of place. Kinda the opposite to my life.

"Let's go", Ryan said and turned to open the door. He tried to turn the handle, but it didn't move. I almost laughed at his facial expression. He looked so confused and surprised and angry at the same time, it was hilarious! "Let me." Full of confidence I went over and pushed him aside. Poor weak boy couldn't open a silly door. I chuckled but quickly stopped when I couldn't open it either. "Help me!" I pressed through my teeth and together we pushed and pulled with all our strength, but the door didn't budge. Shit!

I tried to calm my racing heartbeat. I stayed standing at the door while Ryan sat himself on some table. We were in the basement and our phones didn't have signal. I know I said I wasn't great with many people, but I wasn't good with locked rooms either. It reminded me of when I had to stay locked in my room to save me and Ethan from my mom. Oh god! Ethan! Betty only could look after him until six and I promised I would be home this time. A quick look at my watch told me that I only had eight minutes left. My breathing started to quicken. I couldn't let my baby brother down again. I couldn't break my promise. I forced myself to breath normal again and tried calling for help. "What are you doing?", Ryan looked at me. "What does it look like?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Even if by some coincident anyone would be in the basement right now, they wouldn't hear you. This used to be the old room for our school band's rehearsing. It is pretty soundproof."

This couldn't be true! I slumped against the wall. I could fell Ryan's questioning eyes on but I ignored him and put my head in my arms. One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety- "What are you doing?" ninety-six, ninety-five, ninety-four,.... I stubbornly continued counting while Ryan called my name repeatedly. If I didn't , I probably would be able to prevent a panic attack from coming over me.

Warm hands touched my arms. "Hey, are you okay?" I was surprised to hear real concern and looked up. He seemed taken back by my blood shot eyes. I just couldn't prevent tears running down my cheeks. "What do you think? Huh? I am close to having a fucking panic attack, of course I am fucking okay!" Note the sarcasm.

Maybe it wasn't fair to lash out on him like that, but I couldn't care less at the moment. The walls seemed to come closer, and I couldn't stop imagining all the horrible things that could happen to Ethan when he was alone. I could feel my breathing getting even quicker. Next to me Ryan cleared his throat and sat down on the floor as well. "You know, I used to get them as well when I was about thirteen... I always got better when someone or something distracted me, so I will just start talking okay? You don't have to participate in the conversation if you don't want to, just try to focus on my voice, alright?"

He started telling me stories of silly things he had done with his friends. Of his childhood and his vacations in France. How because of this French was the only language he could speak apart from English. He told me about his family. They seemed very loving, although even I could see that he didn't like to talk about them. When I felt almost normal again, I decided to question this. "I really appreciate your distraction, but why do you speak about your family with me, if you don't really have a good connection with them?" He seemed surprised about my question. Obviously, he hadn't thought I would notice his discomfort. He seemed even more surprised about the fact that he opened his mouth and was about to answer me. 

"They aren't bad parents, you know? Not to my brother at least. I'm sure he sees them as the best parents ever..." He trailed of. I wasn't sure if I should bribe further but before I decided what to do, Ryan continued talking. "I can even understand, why they prefer Micah. He is perfect. He has won hundreds of metals and he is nice and always knows what to say to whom and he even is better looking than me. Not that that should matter to parents... But still.... I sometimes wish they would at least act like they were interested in my life as well. I bet they don't even know I play soccer! Why should they? I am just a giant disappointment." 

Wow... That surely were shocking news. At least he did have a family but it somehow made me wonder if I, even if I didn't have one, was happier than he was. I wanted to comfort Ryan, despite him being my enemy. I wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one with a fucked up family. That he wasn't the only one who sometimes thought he was worthless. And I swear, I would have told him my life-story if not in this moment the door had opened.