Perfect For Me

CHAPTER 24 (Liam Williams)

It felt like I was on cloud nine the following Wednesday. Ryan had stayed until afternoon the day before and even if he looked slightly spaced out the whole time, I still liked having him around me. Wow. I sound like a lovesick teenage girl talking about her long-time-boyfriend. Neither the first nor the second thing was true. But I just couldn't help feeling like they were.

Seemingly I had affected Ethan with my unusually good mood. He was buzzing with energy and for once even had been awake before me! Therefore I had to forbid him to eat his usual sugary cereal. Betty wouldn't be able to cope with him if he got even more hyped up!

Since we somehow seemed to do everything faster than usual, we had a few minutes left before we had to get going. I decided to sit down with my little brother and "have a talk". "Hey Ethan.... You know I like Ryan, right?" He just nodded his head, being occupied with his superhero dolls. "And you know most boys don't like boys, but girls, right?" Ethan just nodded again. "But there's nothing wrong with the boys who like boys, okay?" That caused my brother to look at me. "But of course there is! Otherwise you would have let me eat my coco pops!", he pouted. I wasn't sure if I should laugh in relieve or cry in agony. He would never let that one go. I decided to settle on the former. "Okay, apart from that. But some people think boys who like boys or girls who like girls are bad. And because I am a boy who likes boys, kids at kindergarten may say some bad words to you about me what they heard from their parents. But you have to promise me, you will not believe them. Okay?"

By now I had his full attention. He looked me in the eyes, and I could see he understood what I meant. "Okay", he whispered and hugged my waist. "I love you" He said into my stomach. I laughed, his breath tickled. "I love you too. Sooooo much." What did I do to get such an understanding brother? I mean he was four! Other boys his age weren't even capable of eating on their own!

Our conversation had lifted my mood even further and I was practically beaming when I arrived at school. Nate eyed me suspiciously. "What?" I was confused. Did I do something wrong? "Do I have something on my face? Or how come you're smiling from one ear to the other and you don't even have maths today!" Oh, that's what it was about. "No, nothing. Can't I just be happy?" "Sure", Nate mumbled, not seeming to be convinced.

The whole morning I was looking forward to lunch period. Not because I liked food that much -well, I did- but because I would see Ryan. Cheesy? Pfff. But when I entered the room, I was met with disappointment. He wasn't there. I knew he was at school. I'd seen him in the hallways with his friends. Well, maybe he had to study? At least I would see him before soccer practise, sharing the changing rooms suddenly didn't seem so bad anymore.

So, I tried to keep my hopes up and took part in the conversation my teammates had going on. A very important one about the question if Tom Holland or Robert Downey Jr. was the better superhero-actor. Easy. Tom Holland of course!

When we finally headed to the locker rooms, they were empty. Except one single gym bag. One I knew too well. I had put countless raw eggs in there last year to annoy the owner. Ryan Lander. Was he avoiding me? I shook off that thought. Maybe coach had wanted to talk to him. I only faintly heard how Nate told me that his party on Friday had been rescheduled and was now a day later, on Saturday. Good, Ethan would sleep at a friend's house that night anyway... Still, I couldn't get Ryan out of my head. I would just talk to him after training.

Or not... Coach had pushed us to our limits, and we finished training thirty minutes later than normal. No chance that Ryan would still be changing. And I couldn't go to his house to talk, I had to get Ethan from Betty's. But maybe he wanted to come to my apartment. I decided to text him.

But I didn't get a reply. Not even half an hour later when I sat in Nate's car who took me to Betty. "So, what's going on? You were so happy this morning and now you just look miserable. Boy drama?" I debated on telling him. I doubted Ryan would want anyone to know he liked boys. Or didn't. According to his behaviour today I began to think it was the latter. I sighed. Since when had everything become so complicated? Not that my life had been easy before, but Ryan didn't make it simplier.

"Yeah, maybe." I finally replied to my friend's question. With a nod he encouraged me to keep talking. So I did. Maybe it would be good to get it off my chest. "Okay. There may be a boy I like. And we may have kissed. And now he's ignoring me. And I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing. The kiss just happened yesterday and maybe I'm too clingy but.... we kissed twice before and both times he ran off afterwards and I thought now it would be different." God, I REALLY sounded like a lovesick...puppy!

Nate just nodded. "Is it Ryan?" I didn't answer but Nate nevertheless took it as a yes. "Look. I'm not an expert in exploring your sexuality, but maybe he just needs time to accept his own? Or probably he just is busy. Maybe he just really had no chance of meeting you in school and now he's...at a restaurant with his family and his phone's dead." I silently nodded. "Thanks. But I still have a feeling that he's avoiding me."

And the feeling got even worse after Ryan didn't even look me in the eyes all Thursday. And Friday. And he hadn't answered my texts. I hadn't sent too many as I didn't want to look like the complete fool I was. And I would never admit it loud, but it hurt. It hurt he had abandoned me again. And it hurt even more I had seriously believed him on Tuesday when he had said he would stay.

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AN: I swear that's the last unreciprocated kiss!